FORSYTH, Lola M.

[Deleted]

......................................... Lola M. Forysth . 24 . Model . Not Applicable ......................................... My Favorites: ......................................... A Personal Note Simon, You're probably curious as to why I'm even writing you right now...considering we ended things on especially horrid terms, and since then, we've both been equally abusive and downright nasty to one another. Yet, here I am, sitting in the coziest cafe on a rainy Paris Sunday. My boyfriend is at our loft, drifting away to the afternoon storm, and here I am writing to you. The one man I never thought would cause so much heartbreak and wear on myself and my heart...the one man I swore I would love forever and never let go. The one man I was going to spend the rest of my with, yet I let all of that...you, go in the blink of an eye because of one fucking mistake. One choice caused me to ruin everything between us, and for that I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive myself. I hurt you in the worst way, and for that, I am eternally sorry. No words or comfort could ever fix the hurt I put on you. I was wrong in every way possible, and nothing I could ever say could change your feelings towards me. I couldn't forget the look on your face, the way you looked at me, the night I told you about Matthew and I. I had never been more heartbroken in that moment than anything in my entire life. The way you looked at me was a look of disgust, disbelief, hurt, anger...I had never wanted you to ever look at me that way. I always thought of myself as a woman who took pride in her relationships, the men she was involved with. And you were no exception to that. You had been my entire world from the time I was 17 until the time I was 22. You took up my entire world...took up my entire being. You had been there for me through all the ups and downs and never complained once about my career. I supported you every time you were gone out to battle. I cried endlessly, and stayed up for a solid week -- the first week you were gone. I didn't know what to do with myself because my husband was out at battle and I wasn't sure if he would be returning to me in one piece. And when you finally came back, that's when I knew that things were never going to be the same between us again. The night I told you everything, my heart was breaking piece-by-piece. I tried to keep it together for you, and instead, that came out as spiteful, ignorant, and hate filled. I spewed words at you I never imagined using against you. I threw things, cried, hit you...everything I said I would never do. And yet I did. I went to bed feeling the world's biggest slut. The world's biggest bitch. I had this perfect, great husband laying beside me and yet, when he was gone I would cheat on him with multiple men. I was in the wrong, and I never...promise you, never meant for anything to happen. I should've stayed faithful to you. Should've remained and stuck by my vows. I should've been a good wife, instead, I got bored. I got horny. And I found a solution in other men. I know nothing I'm saying to you could ever change your mind about us. I know you don't want anything to do with me, or my family. But I need you to know that I really and truly love you. Deep down, whole heartedly, entire being of my fiber -- love you. You took up my entire world for five years, but you'll be in my heart forever. I love you to the moon and back, L. ......................................... Job: ......................................... A Quote: "But outside of being a sweet, little girl, she was awfully dumb and capable of doing horrible things." ......................................... Karen . B Palv . Famous . .........................................