HOROWITZ, eliott h.

[Deleted]

Elliot Hope Horowitz (more commonly known as Elle) was born on March 4th 1990, to parents who evidently wanted a boy. At twenty-five she is a paralegal, and not totally happy about it. Raised in Richmond, Virginia, Elle has a little brother, Luke Horowitz. Whilst her law firm is in Chelsea, she calls Brooklyn, New York home. ......................................... "WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO TO LAW SCHOOL?" If I had a dollar for every patronizing associate to have asked me that question... I still wouldn't make as much as them, but I'd be a good bit closer to bridging the gap. You can only help a professional big walking ego lawyer out so many times before they start to resent you for it, and that's when they start putting you back in your box. The question "why aren't you doing what I do?" quickly becomes one they answer themselves without so much as verablizing-- oh yeah, they think, because you're not as smart as me. Because you haven't sat the same little tests. Because, at the end of the day, you're probably just here looking to get knocked up by a senior partner so that you can just cash a child support check every month. Those people are stupid, and I'd make a better lawyer than any of them. First of all, I know that underestimating anyone - your peers, your opponent, anyone - leaves you vulnerable to all sorts of attacks. Secondly, evidently I'm smart enough for you to need my help, so let's not go down the rabbit hole of how intelligent you are. Thirdly... do you really think a senior partner at this Goliath of a law firm couldn't weasel his way out of paying any sort of healthy child support figure? Like I said, stupid.  But they're right about the tests. No matter what I do or what pep talks I force myself through, the thought of sitting through the LSATs is one scarier than the prospect of getting into a shark tank wearing Lady Gaga's meat dress. I hate that they're right about me." ......................................... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ......................................... To overcome my fear of appraisals, I asked some friends to anonymously review me. This is what they said. "Your best quality is definitely your loyalty. When I was a kid we had this puppy who gave us completely unconditional love - my brother used to abuse the hell out of it, verbally and even sometimes physically, but that little pup still loved him to death. You remind me of that puppy, sometimes... I guess your loyalty is your worst quality, too." // "Oh Ellie, my sweet baby - under all that lawbitch bravado, you really are as soft as cotton wool. I hope they never change you, but I don't know how you'll survive if they don't." // "Elle girl, if you don't get that 'you can be the king but watch the queen conquer' tattoo sometime soon, you're dead to me." I also asked my ex boyfriends. It didn't make for such nice reading. "Good girl. Good chat, good tits, good fuck. Not one for the history books, but yea, I'd fuck you again, if you're offering." // "Elle. You'd be such a force of nature if you could get yourself out of that head of yours. There were times when we were together that I'd be blown away by something you said, by how smart you were, by your ability to see something in a way that no one else would. But most of the time... Ellie, please don't think I'm being harsh when I say this. You asked for honesty. Most of the time, you were invisible. An extra in the movie of your life. // "I know I broke your heart, Elliot, and I meant it when I said I was sorry. Still am sorry. Cheating was pathetic, weak-- but it doesn't demean the three years we spent together the way you think it does. As for the chlamydia... well, all I can say is that I'm sorry for that too, I should have been safer. But if I'm truly honest, Ellie... you made it so easy to cheat. Too easy. Next time I hope you'll be less naive." ......................................... ......................................... LEX . EIZA GONZALEZ . RESIDENT .........................................