jackson, jessica e.

[jessica jackson]

_____________________________ mom: Jessica, I’ve called you 10 times. Where are you? jessica: holy shit mom, i’m at work. what do you need? mom: Where is work? jessica: the same juice place i’ve been working at for the past six months. call my manager if you want! [phone]. mom: Don’t get smart. jessica: i have an audition after work though. mom: .. Don’t give me a heart attack Jessica Elise, what audition? jessica: some show my agent got me a callback for. i think reality, relax. mom: Not much better. jessica: stop or i’m blocking you. _____________________________ "I loved Jess since the day I met her. Seems a bit ridiculous now, I mean we were 12 years old and my family had just bought the house next door to hers. But I did, in the most innocent and purest way possible. We played every day after school, her and Sadie would stay at mine while their parents were out of town, we went to high school together, we went throughs hit together, mostly we grew up together.. at least I thought. Every memory from 12 (yea, 12, fuck me) on leads me straight back to her. I didn’t get it when she told me she wanted to move, I’d put a ring on her finger literally two days before.. I always wonder if that scared her, but it’s too late now. I thought it was a phase, that she’d be back within a few months and realize she didn’t want what else was out there. But the next time I saw my fiancè it was on my laptop screen giving some guy a blowjob while some other chick held her hair back. I was fucking crushed. It was right there in front of me, all the proof I needed, and I still wanted to look for ways not to believe it. Up until then I was the only guy she’d been with, I don’t even fucking know how she knew what she was doing, she’d never done that shit to me. And I don’t want to know. I don’t want to see her. I don’t want to hear her name. And I don’t want to live in this fucking city since she went and decided to tarnish the name." - Ryan Edgewood, ex-fiancè _____________________________ Jessica was a good girl. Your all American girl next door, won the Paris cherry pie contest at 15. Born and raised in Nowheresville, USA, made it so being nice to people and helping your neighbor came easily. She was popular as you could be in that same town with a population of <1,000 and had a good head on her shoulders. She was close with her mom and dad, the most mad they’d ever got at her was when she came home drunk and past curfew from a homecoming party her junior year. Most of that anger came from her little sister, Sadie, still being up to see it. Up until then she’d been a good role model. Jessica was boring, pretty shy and timid, and had little idea of what she wanted in life. One thing she knew was that there had to be more than Paris and the mile long strip they had to offer. Everyone else there wanted the same thing.. a ring on their finger, their parents house left in the will, to move down the block in the meantime, stay at home with the kids and watch their husband sit at the same bar on Main St. every night reliving his quarterback glory days. There was a ring on her finger, and by order of birth the house was left to her, but the idea of the rest drove her as far from home as possible. Paris was a good girl. Your all American girl next door. But by the end of the edited product she’d gone bad 14 minutes in and was waiting for her cum shot to the face. Coming from such a small town in Illinois made how much there was to do in LA seem incredible and meeting different people who came from so many different places opened her eyes. Two months in to the West Coast and she stumbled in to her agent through a friend she barely knew and the rest was history. Paris didn’t care what anyone thought of her, and the only person she had to be nice to was herself. She was more confident, she had more fun, she was open to new things. People cared more when Paris walked into a room, but they also didn’t notice when she left. Family was a distant thought to her, something she didn’t have much of now, but with being so caught up she barely realized what she was losing wasn’t worth what she was gaining. _____________________________ “You lose a piece of yourself when it’s all said and done. I remember who I was two years ago, but I can’t be her anymore, I don’t remember how. My town is disappointed in me, my parents don’t trust me, my sister won’t look me in the eye.. Ryan, I don’t even want to talk about Ryan. I’ve heard from people from home I never spoke more than 5 words too, telling me they were always in love with me only because they want to see if they stand a chance now. I meet guys who either know who I am and have to run the other way, or meet one I like and watch them run the other way. I miss being genuine, I miss being surrounded by genuine people, there’s not much of that in LA.” _____________________________ Finn Grayson is a total fucking twat. I met him out one night at 1Oak - a 50 year old man at 1Oak on a Tuesday night should have been my first warning sign. He looked a lot younger at the time though, he had a hat on, was super undercover. To be honest I kind of thought it was Ryan Gosling underneath, I was a bit sad when I realized it wasn’t.. but I got over it! The wrinkles in his forehead are actually pretty cute now. I think he’ll age me, the wrinkles won’t be so cute then. Anyway, I thought he’d fall under the category of ‘never have to tell about my past’. It just didn’t seem logical that I’d see him again after that first night. But I did, that very next night, the morning after, the next night again, it was pretty fast. I liked that he didn’t know anything about me, that if anything he just thought I was cute and wanted to talk to me.. and he was interesting. I know that seems like a dumb, superficial way to describe someone, but he really was. I wanted to hear everything he had to say, even when I wasn’t sure what he was talking about. We never really said what it was that was going on between us, but I was fine with that, no labels didn’t scare me. Going with the flow was nice. But the flow isn’t easy with Finn, and I think that was when I realized I cared more than I wanted to. Ryan and I were together forever, and I could count the fights we got in on one hand. It was easy, too easy. I knew he was always going to be there and while that was the most comforting thought in the world, it was also the one that made me want to run the most. Nothing really upset him, the same way nothing really made him happy, it was like he was on autopilot. I swear everyone in Paris is. With Finn I actually feel things. I was happy with Ryan, but I didn’t know I could be any happier. He made me sad when he didn’t return a call fast enough, but he didn’t have me locked in a bathroom bawling on his stupid Italian marble floor when he threw Paris in my face. I didn’t think Finn knew, despite the little comments he’d made. Maybe I was just in denial. It’s changed things, I think that’s what I was afraid of and I also think that’s more on me than it is him. It’s hard to be yourself when you don’t know which one he wants.

lexa, resident, maggie