NEWELL, DYLAN L.

[dylan newell]

dylan newell. twenty-one. san antonio, tx. beauty blogger. .................................................. To say that my childhood was perfect would be a fucking understatement. I was born to a sixteen year old single mother under the pretenses that my father would forever be in the picture. But, boy, was mother dearest wrong. A few months into the whole thing, he bailed. On me. On my mother. Leaving her in the saddest of moods I'd ever witnessed in my life. She took it so hard that she chose the drugs over me, and within a year, I was put into foster care. After a year of foster families, I was finally adopted by the Newell family, a doting pair of parents, Zack and Ellen Newell, a pastry chef and a flower shop owner in the heart of San Antonio, Texas. They'd already had an older boy, Carter Newell who grew to be protective and loving over me. They filled my childhood with so much love and adornment that I had no idea what to do with. I wanted to be perfect. Wanted to do everything absolutely correct, you know? This need for perfection eventually drove me to have a slew of disorders, ones that I had never heard of. One of these being bipolar disorder, along with a slight anxiety disorder. The first few years of coping with these things was hard on everyone, especially my Mom. She didn't know what to do so she became even more overprotective, not allowing me to do much until the age of 16. And that's when things hit the fan. Real fast. As I was coping with the news of my disorders, so came the discovery. The discovery of my self - sexually, romantically, and any other discoveries that could possibly be made at the ages of 16 to like 18? Yeah. Anyway. 16 was also when I had my first real relationship, first boyfriend, first everything really. His name was Cole. He was older. Sexy. Mysterious. Tanned, dark and fucking beautiful. He knew things. He helped me discover things about myself that I didn't know before, you know? And one night, when we got really trashed together, he tried to go there with me. Normally I would oblige. But, I didn't want it. I didn't care for it. I tried to push him off me multiple times, but he wouldn't take no for an answer. He got caught up in the ideas of having me right then and there that he forgo my comfort, and wanted to take over me. That night, after he left, I curled up in a ball. Naked. Against the shower, crying my eyes out over what had just happened. my brother, Carter, found me and he took care of me, taking me to the hospital. Cole eventually underwent a trial, and they found him guilty. It was hard to see him because I loved him so much, but how could he hurt me this way? How could he take advantage of me in a way I didn't want? I've been dealing with the pains of this incident ever since. I don't think I'll ever fully heal. The real change I've made is that I moved away from San Antonio to Los Angeles. I picked up youtubing and beauty blogging around the age of 18, and I'm 21 now. I met one of my best friends, Kate Coppola through Youtube, as well as Curtis Scofield. They've essentially become my family out here. We're doing this Youtube thing and it seems to be going okay for now, but you know. We'll see how it goes. Throughout the last few years I think I've made some discoveries about myself. Personal ones. Like my sexuality for instance. I always knew that I was never 100% straight. But I also knew that gender was never a thing for me. It didn't matter who you were, if I found you attractive, I found you attractive. A year ago I remember having a discussion with Kate, about sexualities and attraction. And I blurted out this thing. And it clicked. And it made sense. And I knew what that was, what it meant for me. I'm pansexual. That's what it was...and I'm comfortable with this. It's who I am, and it makes everything so much more fun, so much more open. Discovering this after Cole helped me with future relationships. It helped me to realize exactly who I was without putting the pressure on it, you know? And if this helps someone else, then I'm glad to do it. Country music. Sweet tea. Fried Chicken. Church. Family. Home. Front porch sitting. Homemade ice cream. Hot summer nights. Rolling through the fields. Catching fireflies. Friday Night Lights. Tailgating. Summer kisses. Nights in the pool. Love. Love. Love. These are all things that remind me of Texas, that remind me of home. Texas is home. I'll forever be a Texan, even when I'm miles away from the place I've called home. Texas was everything to me, it gave me things I never knew I needed. It shaped me into the person I am, and without it I wouldn't be Dylan. Without Texas, I am convinced I am no one. And no one wants to feel that way. Texas gave me an identity, and for that I'm forever grateful. Snapback - Old Dominion Take Your Time - Sam Hunt Stay A Little Longer - Brothers Osbourne Make You Miss Me - Sam Hunt My Girl - Dylan Scott Ride - Chase Rice (ft. Macy Maloy) Whisper - Chase Rice Church Bells - Carrie Underwood Peter Pan - Kelsea Ballerini Vacation - Thomas Rhett You know those men with the gravely voices, with the scruff, like 6'4 and insanely attractive? That's exactly what Ben is. He's 24, from Texas as well which makes my heart flutter when he speaks dirty things in my ear. He's rough-handed, but soft-hearted. He has this rugged bad boy thing going on that makes me tingle in all the right places. He knows how to get a girl wet just by speaking the simplest of phrases. Ben is eccentric. Different. He's an artist. He calls me his muse. I think that's the deathly attractive. He lets me spend nights upon nights in his bed, twisting in between the sheets at all hours of the night. Ben is everything I want in a man...too bad I'm not a relationship girl. For now. It's fun. He's fun. I like being a little dirty. enfp-t the campaigner. More than just sociable people-pleasers though, Campaigners, like all their Diplomat cousins, are shaped by their Intuitive (N) quality, allowing them to read between the lines with curiosity and energy. They tend to see life as a big, complex puzzle where everything is connected – but unlike Analyst personality types, who tend to see that puzzle as a series of systemic machinations, Campaigners see it through a prism of emotion, compassion and mysticism, and are always looking for a deeper meaning. Campaigners are fiercely independent, and much more than stability and security, they crave creativity and freedom. Many other types are likely to find these qualities irresistible, and if they’ve found a cause that sparks their imagination, Campaigners will bring an energy that oftentimes thrusts them into the spotlight, held up by their peers as a leader and a guru – but this isn’t always where independence-loving Campaigners want to be. Worse still if they find themselves beset by the administrative tasks and routine maintenance that can accompany a leadership position. Campaigners’ self-esteem is dependent on their ability to come up with original solutions, and they need to know that they have the freedom to be innovative – they can quickly lose patience or become dejected if they get trapped in a boring role. The Campaigner personality type needs to be careful, however – if they rely too much on their intuition, assume or anticipate too much about a friend’s motivations, they can misread the signals and frustrate plans that a more straightforward approach would have made simple. This kind of social stress is the bugbear that keeps harmony-focused Diplomats awake at night. Campaigners are very emotional and sensitive, and when they step on someone’s toes, they both feel it. Campaigners will spend a lot of time exploring social relationships, feelings and ideas before they find something that really rings true. But when they finally do find their place in the world, their imagination, empathy and courage are likely to produce incredible results.

karen. chase carter. twenty-two