kennedy, leo e.

[Deleted]

LEO KENNEDY .  FORMERLY ETHAN LEO RICHARDS TWENTY-SIX . SENIOR SALES EXECUTIVE, VICE MEDIA CALIFORNIA NATIVE  .  NEW YORK DWELLER - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - Such a fucking cliche, isn't it? Sales is full of those. Money never sleeps, always be closing, blah blah blah. There's only one salesy phrase that sticks out to me and that's this one: sales is rejection. Sales is getting a hundred no's and still picking up that phone and calling again. It's the worst job in the world for anyone lacking a thick skin... no, that's not right. It's the worst job in the world for anyone who can't pretend to have a thick skin. Because that's the thing that people don't get, all those people who say they "could never do sales". That there isn't some secret formula to selling. It's a simple combination of two things: perserverance, and never taking anything personally. Put simply, you've just gotta put on a persona, then let all the negativity roll right off you like you're reading lines in a play. That's what makes me so fucking exceptional at my job-- not pitching, but playing pretend. I've had a few years of practice.  Working in my office is like being an alcoholic and working in a distillery. Everywhere I look there's another hot girl sat at a desk, looking up at me coyly, pen in mouth... I'm not being serious, I don't really think every girl is trying to fuck me. Not that openly. But every time we get a few after work beers or there's an office party, there's all these girls all around, giggling at all my jokes and avoiding mentioning my girlfriend. What's a guy supposed to do? Really think about it, being drunk and having these total tens flirting with you, offering you back to theirs for an after party. Do I Slack them at work? Yes. Do I flirt over the water cooler? Yes. Do I avoid mentioning my girlfriend too? Well, yeah, I probably do. But everyone knows I have one, and I can tell you, those girls don't care.  Maybe I should care. I do care. I've managed to compartmentalize it, to keep her separate from them in my head. Honestly, I try not to think about it. If none of those girls really matter what does it matter that I'm not technically single? Does jerking off count as cheating? It feels a lot like collaborative jerking off. Everyone likes to rip on me 'cause apparently I have this thing, where when a new girl starts I sidle on over, act friendly, charm her, then tell her not to listen to anything anyone says about me 'cause I'm not the guy they make me out to be. Really, like I'm an asshole for being welcoming? Like people don't talk shit about me, making me out to be someone I'm not? I'm really not as bad as they make me out to be. At the end of the day, I don't feel like I'm doing anything wrong. "My stupid brother, king of the fakes. Ethan-- sorry, Leo has really made a nice little life for himself out in New York. I try to be proud of him, really I do. But it's not like he returns that favor. You know I've never even met his girlfriend? I've visited him five times now, they've been dating for three years, and every time she's mysteriously unavailable. At first I thought she was a real bitch for avoiding me, but then I glanced at a text on his phone and it became clear that this was on him, not her. He was ashamed of me. Or at least, of the past that I might bring up. He never lets me meet any of his East Coast friends, he never comes visit me and mom in Cali, and he even lied and said he didn't have any social media profiles! You can imagine my surprise when I search Leo Kennedy and get a ton of results, all these profiles boasting some wealthy Ivy League life. I was so proud of him when he got into Yale. So, so proud, he was my hero. Now I realize how much it got to him, got to the very core of him and made him feel like he had to be a totally different person. I thought his taking our mom's maiden name and swapping out to his middle name was an effort to distance himself from our dad, and that was totally understandable. But it's so much more than that. Leo Kennedy basically killed Ethan Richards off. On the face of it you can understand why, my brother was socially awkward and too smart for his own good, a lil chubby and it took a while for him to grow into his features. It looks like Leo's a much more successful person, but at what cost? Ethan never would have cheated on his girlfriend and treated women like disposable objects, Ethan didn't spend half his time at the gym and the other half taking shirtless selfies. He didn't screen my calls and neglect his mom, and he sure as hell wasn't so ashamed of us. If the world loves Leo Kennedy so much they can have him, he's no brother of mine." - - - - - - - - -   TORI RICHARDS, SISTER   - - - - - - - -  7:02AM - God it's nice when the gym's empty. 7:14AM - ... is that middle aged woman checking me out? 7:15AM - She's totally checking me out. Better lift some weights. 7:22AM - Oh yeah, you like that? Me too, me too. 7:47AM - How is it that every coffee place in the city has a line, no matter how shitty. New York sucks. 8:15AM - Hate that I'm not first into the office. Fuck Pearce, what a fucking kiss ass. 9:00AM - Ah, and here they come, regular as clockwork. The march of the unambitious, dragging themselves to their desks for another day of mediocrity. 9:27AM - Is Celeste serious? She can't be serious. Hot girls get away with everything. Hope she saw me pointedly checking my watch. 9:31AM - Man, if I was her boss. I guess Harriet doesn't want to bend her over her desk and spank her as much as I do. 10:12AM - I need another coffee. Where's that intern? 12:01AM - Can't put it off anymore. Let's call that bitch Carly at Coca Cola. 12:05AM - She wants me. I can hear it in her agitated tone. 12:14AM - Fuck. Doesn't want the proposal though... guess lunch is al desko. 12:45AM - Elena actually agreed to lunch! Fuck yes. 1:59PM - So cute how she pretends to hate me. The sexual tension is palpable. 3:30PM - Fuck me this is a long day. 3:56PM - Got a meeting with the MD at Urban Outfitters, yes! Time to treat myself with doing absolutely fucking nothing for the rest of the day. Facebook stalking it is. 4:21PM - Who the fuck is this douchelord liking all of Lila's pictures? I'm texting her. 4:36PM - God Celeste looks good in a bikini. 4:47PM - Really good, Cabo 2015 was good to her. Don't think she appreciated me winking at her as she walked past. 4:53PM - Emma saw the wink and has stormed off to the bathroom. God, women. 6:47PM - Why did I email Emma saying we should go for a drink after work? She's still fucking going on about it. Making up an excuse to leave. 7:25PM - Imagine how nice it'd be to come home and not find Celeste on my couch, sipping a margarita. Imagine. 9:00PM - Why doesn't she just move in? 9:12PM - ... Did Lila just catch me glancing at Celeste's ass? Please, Jesus, tell me Lila did not just see me seeing Celeste's ass. 9:25PM - Is Emma serious right now? Better go outside to take the call, pretend it's my sister. Enough is enough. 9:50PM - I hate women. 10:26PM - Fuck this, I'm going to bed. What's the use in your girlfriend having a hot girlfriend if they never make out for you? - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . -

lex   ,    matthew n.   ,    resident