strange dream .

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That old familiar guilt creeps over him. It had been unfair of him to assume such arrogance on her part, he knew that now. First of all she hadn't made any such accusation, and secondly she had plenty of reason to assume he would want to run into it headfirst, since that's what he always did. His hand rubbing her back in small circular motions, he nodded at her, encouraging her. He knew this wasn't easy. "No, you had reason to think that. Let's be honest, it wouldn't be out of character." In the background Chandler makes another droll comment and the fake studio laughter goes wild. "I don't want to rush into this headfirst, but only because you're not like those other girls." The phrase 'other girls' sounds cringy, it's a difficult sentiment to articulate. He sighs shortly, frustrated at his inability to verbalise his thoughts. "I've got more to lose with you, is what I mean."

voer

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It makes her a little sad how comfortable he makes her feel. She sinks into his back rubs and hugs his arm against her chest. Everything will be okay. That's a mantra she constantly repeats in her head. Everything happens for a reason. Another one. Sometimes that's a tough argument though. For a moment he makes it sound like he's taking pity on her and she feels as though she's shrinking in his grip. Becoming smaller every word. But then he says he has more to lose with her and it makes so much sense because that's exactly how she feels. Her head bobs and she kisses his hand softly. "I know," She's soft, "let's take it slowly, Okay? We can ignore this until we feel like kissing again."

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It feels telling that one weekend without Naila had led to this. Had she been the only thing that had stopped something like this happening sooner? She was one hell of a distraction, a little fireball that took up all their attention when she was around. Not that Nick would have it any other way, only he wondered if that was it. Or was it simply the novelty of being alone together for the first time in years that had led to them getting carried away? He smiles as she kisses his hand and he knows that they didn't just get carried away. "What if I feel like kissing you all the time?"

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This feels a little like last night. Though it lacks the push and fuzziness of alcohol. She's sweet in his arms. All of the bitterness she felt during their crazy screaming fest has dropped and has been replaced with affection. If she were looking at him she'd definitely want to press her lips against his. When he says he does she wants to turn around and do it, but she resists. "Then we can be people who kiss without any obligations."

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This felt like somewhere between where they used to be and where they were last night. There was no denying that he felt closer to her now, that the intimacy dial had been turned up ever so slightly. He briefly considers her reply. “Life doesn’t work like that, though.” Translation: Nick Khan didn’t work like that. He wasn’t able to occupy grey space, he liked the comfort and security of definite labels. Not that he was going to admit that straight away. “Naila would be confused.”

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Freya nods, agreeing with him. The thing was that Naila was already confused. Both Freya and Nick had become her parental figures. In her eyes, Nick was her dad. And according to their family portrait, they were nothing short of a loving family. Freya states this, "she's already confused." Naila was fairly mislead, and while Freya had corrected her on occasion, the child didn't take long to reaffirm her beliefs. "We can pause it? Can't we? Take it slow and wait till we're more ready. What do you think."

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Freya says what Nick already knows to be true. Since they had moved to New York and he had started seeing so much of them, Naila had started alternating between calling him Uncle Nick and calling him Dad— usually she reserved the latter for when it was just the two of them, whilst she seemed to call him Uncle Nick to avoid confusion for others. He had initially corrected her, but since making the decision to formally adopt her he had allowed himself the indulgence, revelling in it, even. “I think you told me in no uncertain terms that I shouldn’t be dating,” he said, remembering that he was supposed to be on a break. “I’m not sure I agreed, but you seemed pretty convinced.”

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Of course Naila is so fond of Nick as to slip up and call him dad. He's the perfect father figure for her. Caring, nurturing, good values and influence. Freya had always had a small crush on Nick but it definitely blossomed when her daughter went on about him. She laughs at this, "I think you suggested it and I brought it up. That's it settled though," she hugs him tighter though they're already impossible close. "Three months of me drooling over you."

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Freya squeezes him and it’s bittersweet. Whilst he tried to set a good example for Naila, she sometimes set a bad example for him, letting him indulge his inner child. That inner child wanted to throw a tantrum right now, frustrated at being refused something he wanted. “But why?” he asks, mimicking a Naila whine. “It’s so arbitrary. If we want to do it, let’s just do it. What difference does three months make?”

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Nick reacts a bit dramatically and she gets it. What he's saying is totally valid and he's an impatient person. Freya, on the other hand, needs to warm up to an idea. A large reason she hasn't dated is because trusting has become incredibly difficult. And although she trusts Nick, her feet are still cold. She smiles at his whining and gives him flick with her finger. "Because," because is exactly what she would say to Naila when she was too tired for reason. "I know it's stupid, but I need a little time,"

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Nick frowns, though he understands completely where she's coming from. With her previous relationship and his track record, rushing into anything would be an absolute disaster. Ever since he had first watched Mad Men, there was a phrase that one of Don Draper's many conquests had said that had haunted him: "I hope she knows you only like the beginnings of things." It had hit him so hard it was as if Faye had said it to him, reaching out through the TV screen to call him out on something he deeply feared was true. It hadn't stopped him from rushing headfirst into things, but it had definitely served as a reminder that maybe he shouldn't. "I understand," he said, hoping she'd know that he did. "Don't listen to me when I try to convince you otherwise. I'll kill it."

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Freya stirs. Her body wiggling in his grip so that her chest is on his and she's facing him. "You can't let me bail on you, okay?" she means it. She knows herself well enough that she knows she'll try run away from the whole thing. While she feels brave now, she might lose her confidence later. Her face nuzzles into the crane of his neck, the warmth of him against her forehead seems to dull her headache. "I might not say it later, but I don't regret it."

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She turns to look at him and he wishes she hadn't. Her big blue eyes meet his and she's so beautiful it makes his head spin, even hungover and without a scrap of makeup. He had always accepted that she was beautiful without much thought, but now it seemed like the most pressing thing in the world. How was he supposed to ignore it? She nuzzles into him and it sends a pang of deep affection through his chest. "You won't bail," he says, with more confidence than he really feels. Though he is confident - Naila changed things. He was a permanent fixture in his niece's life, and he knew that no matter what happened between them, Freya would never let that change. So she was stuck with him. But he understood what she meant. "If you ever say you regret it you'll do untold damage to my psyche. Stop overthinking it, it's fine, we're both adults. Shit happens."

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After waking up and panicking, cuddling into his chest feels right. The awkwardness fades and she becomes more comfortable; the laziness of her hungover body fitting perfectly in his warmth.  The word safe comes up in her head again and her head tips to look up at his warm eyes. "I won't," she agrees, trying to sound sure of it. She laughs against him, her chest rising large as she huffs. He's mostly right, it's not such a huge deal. Far more dramatic events have occured. "right. Shit happens... done talking about it!"

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This felt good. It felt like a natural next step, and Nick being Nick, now that they had taken the first step he could see where he wanted them to end up. Naila slotted in easily to this domestic image, they were already a unit but having Freya and Nick firm up their connection elevated them from trio to real family. He tried not to get ahead of himself, but it was the first suggestion of the kind of future he had always wanted. He resists the urge to play with her hair again. Instead he nods along, laughing slightly before grinning. “We can have one last kiss though, right? One for the road?”