the well .

[aisha van buren]

It's been a while since Aisha drove, having used her dad's driver in New York and relied on Ubers or Tate and Joe in Los Angeles. As with most things in her life, she didn't much like doing them herself. But this was an easy drive, and she had gotten used to the local area over the last few weeks... it was refreshing not to spend most of your journey stuck in traffic. Glancing over at Joe as he rolls his sleeves up, he's starting to look more like himself, tie loose and tattoos visible. It's reassuring. What's not reassuring is his continued silence. "That's not very safe," she says shortly as he pulls his chair back. Still, it's a short journey. Sighing audibly, she flicks the radio on, giving up on trying to force him to talk. Instead she talks at him. Wondering if she can say anything at all that will get him to listen, she decides to slip a little untruth in there, an obvious one, just to see what he does. She'd bet her family fortune that the answer is nothing. "So, New York was so fucking cold. Like not just compared to LA, or here, it's like ridiculous, no one told them it was spring. It got so bad that I literally couldn't sleep alone anymore, so I started seeing this guy off Tinder, literally just so I would have someone to go to bed with every night. I swear I'm losing my tan, do I look pale?"

[joseph mccarthy]

Like a disobedient child, Joseph leans even further back. His other personality Mr. Safety kicks in though, and he pulls the seat belt across into it's restraint. Aisha carries on and her voice fills the air. Usually Joe loves the sound of her voice, but it's now it's grating on him just like everything else. It's so high pitched and valley girl. His head turns and he looks out the window, his eyes taking in the shades of red. He blocks her out as she goes on and the crimsons turn into a smear as his mind blanks. "Hm?" he revives himself, turning to her. Her blonde hair catches the reds and she looks like she belongs here. "It was good then? New York? What did you do?"

[aisha van buren]

Driving past the grocery store sends a pang of pain through Aisha's heart. Just a few weeks ago she and Linda had been there buying ingredients for some health boosting smoothies, Aisha sharing her LA sourced knowledge of superfoods, Linda teaching her everything she'd learned from life as a hands on mother of two. It felt like forever ago, how could this have happened? Trying not to cry, she focuses on the road ahead. "I was just saying I've been fucking around," she says, deadpan. She sighs again. "Take the aux cord, I don't want to listen to this," she says, gesturing at the radio and its country songs. After a moment of steeling herself, she pulls up at a red light, giving her a chance to look at him. "I'm doing my best, Joe."

[joseph mccarthy]

Driving through his hometown was familiar for Joe and familiar though comfortable, was also disturbing. As they drive through, he can't help but relate places to his father. Like how many walks they took on that very sidewalk and how the last time they did so it had been around Christmas and they were both shitfaced. "Ah," he's stiff and awkward, not sure what to say to her. He does as he's told and plugs the cord into his phone, playing around a minute on Spotify before landing on Hanni El Khatib. Two Brothers is the first song to play and before he can choke up, he's switching it to a more upbeat subject matter. "I know," he says after a long silence. "I appreciate it, I just don't know what you want me to say."

[aisha van buren]

Rolling her eyes back in her skull, she tries not to seem bothered by the fact he doesn't seem to care what she says. Of course he doesn't, what could compare to the hollowness of losing a parent? Aisha allows herself to imagine his pain for only the most fleeting of seconds-- if she thinks about losing either Daisy or Caesar for more than that, she's at risk of losing control. It's an unimaginable horror. She nods briefly as he speaks. It's understandable, since she doesn't know what she wants him to say either. "It's selfish, but I want you to say that you forgive me for faltering. But I know that's a big ask," she says, honesty spilling forth before she can stop it. Clearing her throat, she looks away from him and back to the road, turning into his street. "I want you to tell me what you want me to do. I just want to help, Joe."

[joseph mccarthy]

"Okay," he feels like he's abused the word 'okay'. He moves his head to glance at her and then moves it back to look at the window. "I forgive you, I didn't care," he knows that'll upset her. That he's been so self involved with his grief that he forgot to give a shit when his girlfriend up and left. They turn onto his street and she asks him to tell her what he wants her to do. Truthfully he doesn't want anything, he just wants to be left in silence. "I don't want anything from you," he opens the door when she puts the car, leaving his jacket and his phone in the car as he walks to the door. "I want to be alone."

[aisha van buren]

Aisha resists the urge to roll her eyes again. Clearly they weren't going to get anywhere, she was going to bite her tongue and listen to 'okay, okay, okay' until eventually she snapped, when she would then feel guilty for being a self-centred bitch. She felt like she couldn't win in this situation, literally having to push her tongue between her pearly teeth to stop herself from blowing up. She believes that he doesn't care right now, but she also knows that when he recovers he will-- this isn't something that will be done and dusted in the here and now. But there's no point fighting it now. Following him out of the car, she can't help herself anymore. "You know, you're being a real cunt. I'm upset, Lily's upset, your mom's upset. It's not all about you. You weren't even fucking here, not like the rest of us."

[joseph mccarthy]

He looks behind to see Aisha finally losing herself. He's surprised it's taken this long for her to hit the edge, usually she progresses much quicker. Joe looks at her and frowns, "yea, I'm being a cunt." He jiggles the key and opens the front door to his family home. There's a bark and then the sound a nails clicking on the floor. Two short nosed dogs appear and rush towards his feet. He squats down to be close to them, his large hand stroking their heads before scooping the two of them up. The two dogs had been clinging to Joe these past few days, somehow aware that he needed their comfort. Dogs are too good for the world. He kisses both their heads and walks forward, kicking the door open to his childhood room. He steps out of his shoes and collapses face first onto the bed. Homer and Barton nestle into his right side.

[aisha van buren]

As soon as speaks she wishes she hadn't. Biting her lower lip as though she could contain all further vitriol this way, she exhales heavily as he barely responds. The truth was that this situation was too difficult for her, she felt like she was being asked to do a PHD paper on a subject she'd never even heard of. "I didn't mean it like that," she says, following him inside and closing the door behind her. Watching as he disappears into his bedroom with the dogs, she hangs back. Entering the kitchen, she fixes him a sandwich to the best of her very limited abilities, before going to his door. She knocks but doesn't wait for him to reply, entering the room and putting the plate down on his bedside table. "You should eat something," she says, sitting beside him on the bed. She puts a hand on his arm, giving it a squeeze. "I wish I could make this hurt less."

[joseph mccarthy]

Joe reaches forward to hug the pillow to his head. He hears noise in the kitchen and thinks about getting up to investigate but his curiosity ends when one of the dogs rests his head on him. He thinks about how annoying this must be for Aisha, someone who was so used to always getting her way and this time she couldn't as it was beyond her control. Her voice is soft when she comes in and he hears porcelain hits the bedside table. He's silent for a while, his wide back rising as he breathes heavily. After a few minutes of her sitting there he turns his his head to face her and rests his forehead on the side of her. His arm falls heavily on her lap and he hooks it weakly around her waist. "I know. I know I'm not making it easy."

[aisha van buren]

With the hand that isn't on Joe's arm, Aisha ruffles Homer's head. She needed to be more like the dogs. Curled up beside Joe, they could obviously sense his sadness -they weren't nagging him for a walk, they didn't come trying to steal bits of food as she made a sandwich. They put their own needs second to his, curling up beside him in silent company, letting him ride it out. As he turns to face her she wells up, though this time she's upset at herself for being so inadequate. His arm around her waist is too much and tears spill down her cheeks. "You don't have to," she says, nudging the dogs along so she can lie beside him. Curled against his back, she puts an arm around his chest, squeezing him gently. "Just tell me when you want to talk."