. go dark

[august de witte]

Be Jeff Dahmer. I know!! Its obvious why he's dating her. That kid is the worst too. So spoilt, sticky and loud.

[teddi st. james]

But I want to be something cute ): something for insta ): something that will make the boys cry ): She’s boring. Kids are boring. Don’t you think, as his brother, you should like her more? That’s his favorite person!

[august de witte]

But Jeff makes the boys cry the most?? She's gross. End of story. I give it till Christmas.

[teddi st. james]

... touché. How about you dress up as Mac Miller? It would be your brand of offensive and awful. Do you think he’s in love with her for real, or just with the idea of long term monogamy. I can’t even bring myself to use my best Daddy jokes.

[august de witte]

I don't know what he does or who he is or any songs. I don't think Khan truly knows the difference between love and lust.

[teddi st. james]

He died like two weeks ago. Everyone blames Ariana. When did you last sleep with someone? Do you know the difference?

[august de witte]

That's stupid. He killed himself! Yeah! Of course I do. Like months ago.

[teddi st. james]

I know! I’m so relieved you agree, my lil incel. Months ago? How many? Two? Four?

[august de witte]

I dunno. Not summer time.

[teddi st. james]

You’re boring. Give me something to rage about! I can’t deal with both you and Nick being even-keeled at the same time. It’s hard for me to process.

[august de witte]

I can't. I'm tired. I've already hit my mental break down quota for the year. I left school and now I'm living at home with my sad parents because I have no where else.

[teddi st. james]

Shhh, it’s okay Augy. Have you tried cutting carbs? It does wonders for your mental health. My girlfriend is only eating grass-fed beef and raw milk and she’s a totally different person. Totally unstressed! Good think you have all that money your Nana left you.

[august de witte]

You have a girlfriend? Do you ever thing that dying would just be easier? I know people are like 'it's the coward's way out!' But we need a new plague or war.. there's too many people. Maybe suicide is our new epidemic. A gruesome but necessary way to control the human race.

[teddi st. james]

Ugh no. As if! I like dick waaaay too much. An embarrassing amount, actually. I was using it the same way middle-aged white women use it, but I guess it’s just not working for me! That’s a really gross thing to say. I bet you aren’t active on Twitter. They’d kill you, little egg.

[august de witte]

Don't get me excited. No. Not anymore. I quit when I stopped being clever.