. lost in yesterday

[Deleted]

Even two days into their arrival, Finn couldn't stop staring at the sight of his little baby girl all bundled up on his very own couch. Of course he had shared custody of the baby and this was far from her first visit to her father's, but something about it felt different, the presence of her mother in his pristine Beverly Hills mansion finally making it feel more like home. He eased the baby up into his arms, bouncing her on his shoulder as he paced the living room, his spare hand scrolling through seemingly infinite emails. "Don't touch that," he said, seeing a fatally bored Oliver pick up an expensive bottle of scotch. He considered waiting until 3pm for a drink to be a real achievement these days, what with the world gone crazy and his sudden transition to full time dad. Thankfully, it was just about three. "I'm making a gin and tonic, Jada, want one?" It was strange having his ex wife here, at times feeling inappropriate, but mostly making his life feel like it made sense again. Gently returning the baby to her car chair, he picked it up and took it into the kitchen with him as he set about mixing drinks. "C'mere Ollie, I'll make you a milkshake."

[jada carson]

As Jada presses into downward facing dog her spin crackles. A symptom of sitting around too much these past couple of weeks. She bows her back and tries to stretch the stiffness out of her body. Her knee moves past her chest and she sits into a front split. It felt like ages since she'd done any sort of work out routine. She had felt lost without a trainer or the comfort of her fitness group, but once she got going it easier than expected. Amelia's bubbly laugh fills the room as she's lifted by her dad. Jada's smile is slight as she walks into the room, her forearm lifting to dab sweat off her temple. She opens the fridge to pour herself a glass of cold water. I'm okay, she replies as she flushes her throat with water. The baby girl watches her dad as he sets her down and starts to grab bits from the cupboard. Her big blue eyes were lit up, she was totally smitten with him. Are you alright with them for a minute? I'm just going to shower and then I'll start on dinner, Jada's hands fork lovingly through her son's hair as he races past. Oliver shouts a defiant NO into the air and hurls a toy across the room. Jada sighs, he's already been on time out once today. Twice yesterday. Clearly it wasn't changing anything. Actually, yeah. A drink.

[Deleted]

On the counter Finn's work phone flashes with a million emails. But who could look at those when Amelia's big baby blues are staring up at him? He pauses on his trip to the fridge, grinning down at the little girl, his heart fit to burst. Hard to imagine that the thought of this little angel had ever struck such fear in him, but he had felt the same way with Savannah-- maybe women scared him. "You want a g&t babe?" he asks her, laughing as she gurgles. "Coming right up. But tell you what I'm gonna do," he says, talking to the baby like she could understand a word he says. He took the tonic out of the fridge, as well as a bottle of pumped milk. "I'm gonna hold the gin, and the ice, and the tonic, and the lime. Instead I'm gonna sub in a little breastmilk, ok? Sound good?"  Amelia's giggles make him laugh, his body aching with affection. He felt guilty about how worried he'd been about having the kids around 24/7, how he'd fretted about the impact on his work. Now that they were there his relief was constant, the thought of having to go this alone rendered unthinkable. He fixed everyone's drinks and shot Oliver a warning look, "don't talk to your mom like that." Meeting her eye, he held his glass up to cheers her's. "To survival," he said, taking a healthy chug.

[jada carson]

Finn may have had his flaws... he was really shit at trying to hide when he was checking someone out, he was absolutely horrible at his work life balance and often it felt like she might as well be talking to a rock... but he was mostly a good date. Maybe a liiiiiittle gin for the teething, she jokes, glancing as Amelia reached desperately for the bottle. Ollie stomped around like he was the toddler version of the Hulk and Jada rolled her eyes. It's relatable. He's just better at expressing how we all feel, she clinks her glass with his and winces at the strength of the drink. I really need a shower though. I'll be quick. Boiling water rinses the sweat from her body and she dries with a fluffy white towel. When packing for their stay, she focused too much on the needs of their children. Ollie needed his staple toys and Amelia needed a million pairs of onesies. As per usual, she'd neglected to pack much for herself. So when she steps from the bedroom, she's mismatched a pair of cloth shorts and Finn's t-shirt; and she looks like she's not wearing pants. I know, it's yours. I'm sorry, I packed like two things, she grabs her drink and downs it. I know I don't really have the right to be lazy, because we're doing.. fudge all. But is it against self-isolation rules if we order in?

[Deleted]

"Sure, but he's gonna set her off if he doesn't stop that stomping. Oliver. Go get your lego, we'll build something." Finn and fatherhood were not natural bedfellows, as commitment had never been his strongest suit. His own clicheness bothered him; the guy who had a kid too soon and so chased his youth in the form of a younger mistress, only to get that mistress pregnant and suddenly rise to fatherhood on the second try. That's how it looked on paper, anyhow. But Jada had been similar, and they'd decided actively to have a child, years after their divorce. He was all about ready to give himself some credit when his phone flashed again, personal this time: Molly. Deciding to ignore his nineteen year old current love interest, he settles Amelia's chair back on the couch, climbing down to the floor to fiddle with little plastic bricks. When Jada remerges, he feels his heart rise to his throat. "It suits you better. Keep it," he says, tearing his eyes away from her and focusing on adding a moat to their shambolic lego castle. "Music to my ears. Whatever you want, I'm a Postmates VIP," he said with a grin, faux bragging about his newest bachelor achievement. "Go fudging wild."

[jada carson]

Jada was on edge. There was an awkwardness to everything at first but as the days went on, it chiseled down to bitterness. Every time Finn became sucked into his phone she would feel her jaw clench. Words would pile up in her throat and she'd swallow them down. It was his job. It was his teenage girlfriend. She wasn't a bitter person, she was a tree hugging peace giving hippy. She hated feeling this way... now she knew how Sienna had felt. She looks at the little castle that Finn and Ollie are building. Her son is concentrated as he presses bricks together. Mexican? Tacos? she asks as she scrolls through her phone. NO, Ollie screams and his legs kick out toward the castle, bricks fly everywhere. Awesome. Cheese pizza it is.

[Deleted]

Instinctively Finn turned his phone face down, like every guilty man in America trying to hide something from the woman he loved. It was a shameful thing made dirty by Jada's presence, and he felt genuinely embarrassed at himself, at the fact he was dating someone younger than his daughter. Jada was a very different woman to Sienna in how she responded to this, saving the barbed comments and withering put downs, and instead coming across to Finn as completely indifferent. That she did not seem to have an opinion irked him beyond belief, but it remained unaddressed between them, the teenaged elephant in the room. Instead he forced an air of familial togetherness at all times. He lived in a mansion and it would be easy to slope off to work in his office, but he'd insisted on setting up his laptop in the main kitchen-diner, ignorant to the fact that his near constant conference calls were not exactly the ambient background noise his family would have preferred. "Fuc-- fudge my life," he mutters as a rainbow of plastic is kicked everywhere. "Daddy said a bad word!!" "Go to your room," he says defeatedly, starting to collect up the bits and chucking them in the tub. "Daddy go to your room, you said a bad word!" Having lost the will to fight, he instead ignores his son. He groans as he sits up, his back aching from the effort. "I've never felt more like a grandad than I do right now."

[jada carson]

Oliver raises his voice, points his finger at his dad and tells on him while looking at her. It was like he was trying to pin them against each other. 'Go to your room, you little jerk,' is what she wants to say. Instead she breathes deeply and crouches to his level. You can't talk like that, it's not nice. You're nice, aren't you? Oliver balls up his fists, as if he's fishing for something really mean to say. Maybe a nap, huh? It's been a long day. When you wake up, we'll have pizza. That sounds fun, doesn't it? Oliver raises his fists and hammers them down in the air, I. DON'T. WANT. THAT. Jada sighs and scoops up the fighting toddler. It's over, buddy. You're going down. Oliver proceeds to punch and kick in her arms, screaming, fuck my live, repeatedly until Jada tucks him in and shuts the door on him. Defeated and ready for another drink, Jada returns to the living room,  Satan is a baby.

[Deleted]

The racket of Oliver's confrontation with his mother fills the room, making his sister start to wail. Suddenly the idea of spending the lockdown alone seemed like a beautiful one. "No, no, no," he groans, rushing to the baby and picking her up, cooing her into quiet. Thankfully she's the most sweet natured of his three children, and so is easily calmed, snuggling against his chest. "I'm sorry," he mouths over Oliver's profanity, still audible from the other side of his bedroom door. "I should have had that room soundproofed. I'll put her to down, you can use my iPad to order some food."  He heads upstairs to the nursery that sits next to his master suite, settling Amelia down in her cocoon of blushed pink tones.  There's another crib in the room for his grandson, who happens to be almost exactly the same age as her. "Here we go," he whispers, turning the mobile on and hovering as tinkling music fills the room. Soon the baby drops off to sleep, and he picks up the monitor, taking it back downstairs to prop it up on the coffee table. "Beer?"

[jada carson]

They were tired, moody and bored. Oliver usually had daycare during the day and was missing the social interaction with his toddler pals. This, unfortunately, was taken out on the easiest target - his mother. Jada was usually a fan of positive reinforcement. She tried to narrow down the source of their meltdown and work to diffuse that. In the situation of a pandemic, this wasn't so easily diffused. It was becoming increasingly difficult not to yell back and make noise at Ollie. As self-isolation moved forward, it began to make sense why spanking was popular problem solving when she was a kid. She makes herself a drink - Whiskey on the rocks - and melts into the sofa. Oliver's wailing eventually drifts away as he succumbs to sleep. Finn reappears and she lifts her glass, sorted... I ordered tacos. Fuck that guy. Reaching forward, she flicks on Netflix and lands on the fourth episode of Tiger King. I know when we started this I totally thought this guy was insane. But now I'm so grateful for him. Thank you Joe Exotic.

[Deleted]

Any sympathy Finn had for Ollie was dampened by the thoughts of his brother's family, the five of them stuck together in what was a regular but small little house out near Palm Springs. His three nephews had been driving his brother and sister in law completely insane, and they didn't have the cinema room, panoramic views and multiple sitting rooms as a distraction... they did have a yard, and siblings they could actually play with. He supposed that's what really counted with kids. "Well deserved," he says with a grin, going to the kitchen to get himself a beer. When he returns to the couch he sits with her, lifting her legs up onto his lap even though there's plenty of space to sprawl without touching. Her bare legs feel warm from the shower and he can't help running his thumb over them gently. He laughs and shakes his head, "great timing for a show about captivity. Let's watch Blackfish next, we can relate to the orcas." He sinks into the couch, feeling the tension in his body ease as his house falls silent. He's unable to resist the temptation to take a quick peek at Amelia through an app on his phone, watching her little chest rise and fall as she slept. "Fuck, we do make some beautiful kids."

[jada carson]

Though in the past she'd poked fun at how grand and extreme Finn's big silly mansion had been, she'd felt grateful for it now. There were plenty of things to do and to hide from her kids when they were acting like complete nightmares (and from her ex husband). The only core thing it was missing was human interaction... and bars - which she honestly hadn't been to in ages, but jesus she was missing bars. Still, she couldn't find as much escapism in her much more practical home. If she was stuck in there, there was no way Ollie would leave her alive. She stretches her legs on his and laughs. Ollie is definitely the main whale and I'm that trainer that gets scalped. He watches Amelia through his phone and she feels her heart warm. That's a little vain, they're mini-yous. Both kids had lucked out with big blue eyes and when she looked at them, all she could see was Finn. Nightmares though. Thank god she can't talk.

[Deleted]

The house was Finn's real second child, a monument to his success that he had built initially for himself, Sienna and Savannah. By the time the mansion had been carved into the hill his marriage had been carved to pieces, and this place felt most deeply tied to Jada-- it was where they had done lines off the (now shamefully disposed of) mirrored coffee table, having sex on the balcony as the sun came up over the hills and Finn pretended he wasn't a recently divorced father. Then it became the place where Oliver was brought home from the hospital to, child proofed and sullied with ugly plastic toys in every colour. When they most recently split it was like a chunk of the soul of the house had been wrenched away from it, and he had started to see it as the cold, sterile place Jada had so often made fun of. It felt good to have it come to life again. "Aww, poor little Tilikum," Finn says, reaching over to tickle her ribs. "It's a lot vain," he agrees, the two children reflecting his dark hair and big blue eyes, features similar to their mother's but lacking the angularness that made Jada so striking. "They'll grow into you, though. Baby fat makes them look more like me, but they'll get those cheekbones one day." He glanced at her, her face without a trace of makeup looking more beautiful all the time. "You're honestly not ageing," he said out loud, offering her the only compliment that counted in LA, other than telling someone they looked too thin. "And you're looking thin. Are you eating properly?"

[jada carson]

If walls could talk, this house went through changes. For her, it would always be split between two different people. She barely related to her younger self. The sparkly eyed strung up twenty year old who'd never seen anything like this in her life. Her midwest soul had never seen this type of wealth up close and personal. Though she'd been too cool to say as much, she was wowed by it. Not much later it had become a cage of isolation and depression.. till then it wasn't, it was exciting for a fleeting moment. Oliver had brightened it up, he poured glitter all over the bare floors. Now though, she indifferent. It was what it was, a stage of memories. She swats him away when he tickles her. They'll get the unibrow, no doubt. She makes a face at his compliment and takes a swig. She felt a couple hundred years old at this point. Like each reinvention was a new life. Don't encourage me. I haven't stopped eating since I got here, she'd been constantly snacking for something to do. This morning she'd had ice cream for breakfast.. then again for a snack. Your girlfriend must miss you, she nods at his buzzing phone.

[Deleted]

There was a distance to Jada that had always been there. Finn was all in or all out, present and obsessed and desperate for more; or avoidant, offhand and clandestine. Jada's passion was always at arms length, she would quietly observe before diving headfirst and it made him want her all the more. It also made him more uncertain, never knowing what was going on in that beautiful head. Looking at her now, he had no idea if she loathed being here or found it tolerable-- the latter would definitely hurt more. "They should be grateful if they do, that's what attracted me to you in the first place," he joked, taking a deep swig of his beer. Briefly he wondered if they had enough food in to last them, and tried to remember to remind his assistant to do another food order. Or maybe he'd do it himself, take this opportunity for personal growth. "It's work," he says sharply, though of course it's not just that. He feels like a guilty schoolboy talking about his girlfriend to Jada, like he's being reprimanded for something absolutely justified but not any less embarrassing for it. "She misses access to my credit card, though her Onlyfans seems to be doing well out of everything."