. feels like we only go backwards

[tara scott]

TARA Old habits die hard. Maybe you’re right, but I only give it a month, tops. Want to bet on it? Ugh you’re annoying and relentless, I told you I had to think about it. I’m out of town. When will you be there?

[Deleted]

RILEY Not going to bet on it cause then you’d sabotage on purpose. Where are you?

[tara scott]

TARA I’ve never sabotaged anything in my life! But I hope you’re right, maybe we can get there. Arizona. Let me guess, you hate it here too?

[Deleted]

RILEY Never been. What are you doing there?

[tara scott]

TARA First trip without Theo, you must have skimmed over the part where I said mom guilt is real. It’s 120 degrees here right now which is absolutely disgusting, and hangovers really do get worse with age. Do you believe in the hair of the dog that bit you? Or should I just die?

[Deleted]

RILEY Always drink through it. Who are you with? Who’s Theo with?

[tara scott]

TARA Okk let’s see if this does the trick! I’m with Tim, Theo’s with his parents. How about you? How’s Colorado?

[Deleted]

RILEY Take travel sickness tablets too, works for me. Oh, I didn’t think Tim could legally leave Texas. You learn something new every day! It’s good thanks. Love a lake.

[tara scott]

TARA Ooh, good to know. I almost went to one of those stupid oxygen bars this morning, but that felt too dramatic. Want to learn something I hate about Tim? Or is one fact enough for today? You should go to Lake Powell for me, it’s top 5 on my US travel list.

[Deleted]

RILEY Dramamine every time! Dramamine and a Coke, you'll be good. Oh I definitely want to hear as many things you hate about him as you're ready to list, I can tell you what I hate about him too. Maybe you should come meet me there.

[tara scott]

TARA Well this is about to be super anticlimactic, I was just going to say I really hate his name. I mean that’s not his fault, but who names their child Tim? Timothy? There’s nothing good or cute about it. I’ve literally called him by name once, and that’s because the priest forced me? I can’t even put our names on cards, I have to just call us The Scott’s. God I get heated thinking about it. Yea, maybe!

[Deleted]

RILEY Yeah it’s pretty awful, but to be honest, Riley isn’t great either. It’s probably the only thing I think he’s got on me, apart from you and a better ability to grow facial hair. Has he got a bigger dick than me? Be honest.

[tara scott]

TARA No, Riley is much much better. That’s definitely one you have on him. I named Theo when he left the room, he really thought we could have a Tim Jr. and almost didn’t sign the birth certificate. Dry heaving at the thought. No one is answering that question for you. Next!

[Deleted]

RILEY Imagine if you’d called my son Tim Jr, I think I’d have actually had to murder you both tbh. Tell me now. I can handle it.

[tara scott]

TARA It didn’t feel right, and it’s really just the worst. He does, but he also only has one ball so I mean make of it what you will and get these mimosas away from me!!