: out swinging

[madelyn holt]

MADS Now it just sounds like you're backpedaling. Yeah, it's been nice catching up. But you'd chosen not to try to reach out to me for years, or clear anything up. Those pictures were probably on a dumb phone you lost, you realize that right? You always thought it was me which is fucked.

[percy de vane]

PERCY I said some pretty fucked up things years ago. I thought it was best to leave it in the past. Clearly it was not. I’m sorry I hurt you back then. I can’t just take that shit back. It happened. I was a dumbass for not apologizing before. Though I lost my phones I was little more careful with personal pictures like that. It could have very well been me. I can’t take back what I said, I get that. I’m not asking for total fucking forgiveness here. I don’t even know what I am asking for anymore. I saw you and I brought up a whole bunch of emotions in me I hid for a while. Yeah that sounds stupid as hell and maybe seem like I’m trying to get god damn laid out of this. I’m trying to make right what I didn’t before. Forgive me for being a little fucked up in the head as of lately. I’m going through a lot. So I apologize for being myself and attempting to flirt when it wasn’t the right time. I missed you, after running in to you. I’m sorry for stirring up some angry emotions from you.

[madelyn holt]

MADS The problem there is that it never got resolved. So you can leave it in the past on your end, sure. But to me, it was you not taking my own word for it and stomping off to jet god knows where and severing contact. I know you're sorry, but you also need to know where it's all incredibly unresolved for me. It was a lot when I ran into you, and now it's this odd whiplash of you thinking there's a clean slate to be had when there isn't right now. It's been a bad year, I know you've gone through a lot of change and loss and I'm sorry too. But understand where I'm coming from here.

[percy de vane]

PERCY I understand where you’re coming from. I promise I do. I would like for it to be resolved. If we can. I don’t think I have a clean slate whatsoever. I’m sorry for coming to you years later. That part I understand being fucked up. So please tell me how you would like to resolve it or what I can do. Me asking that of you also does not mean I’m asking for a second chance either. I don’t like to be this way with you. With a lot of tension and hate.

[madelyn holt]

MADS You can give me time, that's what you can do. We can go get coffee or something.

[percy de vane]

PERCY Okay. I can give you time. If that's what you're okay with then yeah I'd love coffee. You can even tell me when you're ready for that. Doesn't have to be right away.

[madelyn holt]

MADS Yeah, I'll let you know. Everything alright otherwise?

[percy de vane]

PERCY Sounds good to me. Yeah, it’s all going to be okay. I have my good and bad days.

[madelyn holt]

MADS Don't we all. The sludge/snow isn't helping much, every place with heaters is crowded, I barely want to go out.

[percy de vane]

PERCY Yeah honestly sitting in the snow/slush with a heater doesn't even sound enjoyable right now. If I go out it's pretty seldom. Here and there, but mostly having people over at mine. When I saw you it was the first time I put dress pants on in months.

[madelyn holt]

MADS Before filming again I couldn't remember the last time I'd put on anything remotely presentable. Was kind of nice to just laze around in sweatpants though for a long period of time, but I'm kind of done with it now. I spend hours walking outside now at this point to like, pass the time. So many podcasts.

[percy de vane]

PERCY I know what you mean. It’s nice to be lazy and what not but after a while you just start to get bored of something you once enjoyed. How have the walks been? Heard the city was a little scary dead for a while. I stopped going to the gym and bought a few items for inside. I miss going to a crowded pub to watch Chelsea play. That atmosphere.. I really freaking miss it.

[madelyn holt]

MADS They were nice actually, I'd get pretty far some days just exploring different neighborhoods. It's still eerie sometimes if you're walking around 11. It's usually so lively then, now it's so quiet. But I'm hoping for a rousing return one day when we're able. No one will be in their home for days.

[percy de vane]

PERCY Sounds super peaceful to be honest. I can tell you that I will 100% be one of those people. Enjoying the city that I love once again. It’ll be great. I’ll have a hangover for weeks, I can feel it, you know

[madelyn holt]

MADS You can feel what?