. dare devils

[kendra santisi]

There was this strange paradox that came with Taylor, something Kendra still to this day couldn't figure out the balance of as her eyes studied him. So content with being independent, yet so naturally caring and conscious of those around him. It baffled her why he'd put up with Zac's burdens after the damage he'd caused. Not just to him, personally, but everyone around him too. In her heart she knew it wasn't some debt for fame and fortune and success. Just the strange nature of him, strings never fully snapping. Case in point being now, her hungover frame still settled on his couch. "Amazing what happens when you hurt the purest thing around that band,” Kendra acknowledges, though her light on Lily had dimmed with the knowledge of their flickering relationship. Nothing good would ever come of that, swallowing a thick apology that always wanted to bubble up in its wake. Instead she musters a smile, remembering the shoot in all its glory. "It was basically as naked as it looked - music on set was almost trancelike, by the end I thought I had to remember how to breathe.” It was one of the things she liked most about her job still - losing herself if she needed to, becoming something else if she had to. Her head lolls back, trying to figure out where they were because in actuality she still had no idea. "I was there a lot of the time but no, have a house off La Cienega. Haven't done much with it but always on my list...where are we, anyway?”

[taylor maitson]

Loyalty was a thorny concept for Taylor. Clearly, he had displayed a lack of it in his relationship with Kendra, the only woman he had ever truly loved. Similarly, he'd continuously given it to his embarrassment of a mother, and his reprobate of a bandmate; two people who deserved it much less and were not particularly grateful for it, either. He can see this conundrum on his ex girlfriend's beautiful face, can practically hear her thoughts, but he doesn't have an answer to them. "Lily'll bounce back." There was another person who deserved his loyalty and wasn't getting much of it. The novelty of having a supermodel ex had never worn off, that iconic pout spread across billboards, on social ads, on TV. But he didn't connect Kendra Santisi with Kenny, maybe because Kendra Santisi did not look like she'd ever wind up hungover on someone's couch. "Troy Drive." It's more specific than he'd meant to be, but then he didn't actually expect her to stalk him. "Alright trouble, I'm late. I'll be back in an hour tops, alright? Make yourself comfortable."

[kendra santisi]

Though she might not have kept his loyalty, it seemed that Kendra still had his trust. Even in a disheveled state, he was still fully leaving her to her own devices in a home he didn’t seem to want to share. It warms her at the thought, accepting his goodbye with a little wave as she isn’t sure what to say. Thank you, I won’t set the plane on fire, say hello to Zac for me? None of it particularly fits, the music finally cutting out as his phone leaves the area and she’s sitting in her own silence. A few minutes of complacency leads to a full exploration of every room, ever careful not to shift things before stealing a well worn sweatshirt she recognized and lulling herself back to sleep on the couch. An hour later she’s back up and sifting through his pantry, discovering a box of brownie mix and enough ingredients to whip together the batter, finally changing the television to an episode of Chef’s Table when she hears the front door drag open. "Promise I haven’t set anything on fire,” she warns, though the gooey scent of melting chocolate in the air should be clue enough.

[taylor maitson]

It had been an exhausting outing. Zac was on truly terrible form, flirting with nurses and repeatedly saying he didn't know why he'd checked himself into rehab in the first place, conveniently ignoring how it had been Taylor who had made him go after also picking him up off the floor of a bar. He's exhausted from a night of little sleep and a car journey full of Zac's incoherent ramblings, and yet even in that state, there's a small thrill at the idea of Kendra being back at his place. There's also a small thrill at the idea of her not being at his place, so he really isn't sure what to think. When he gets back he finds her cooking something in the kitchen, picking up the box with a quizzical look before realisation dawns. "Oh. Haha, I bought this to make pot brownies with but never got around to it." Without being able to help himself, he slips an arm around her waist and pulls her in for a hug, placing a kiss on the top of her head and being met by the smell of his own shampoo. Another tiny thrill. "How long did you spend on the couch before you started going through my drawers?"

[kendra santisi]

Kendra’s licking at the spoon of excess batter when he rounds the corner, lips flicking up in an amused grin when she can clock the exasperation from a mile away. At least she’d been able to deal with Isaac through e-mail long ago; picking him up in person might have led to him being stabbed before he walked through the doors. "Tried to find some of that actually but alas - only leaves I spotted were the ones on the house plants.” It’s an answer to both his questions though the second she’s left stunned to elaborate on, the warm embrace and soft kiss against her forehead in such heavy contrast to when he’d wanted her out hours ago. A quick bloom of the past, skin faint with familiar blush. "Hmmm,” Kendra finally breathes before gently patting his chest, moving to make her distance. "What gave it away? The sweatshirt or the lack of boundaries you still remember so well?”

[taylor maitson]

Whilst physical intimacy might have been something Taylor played fast and loose with during their ill fated relationship, domesticity had not been. Seeing Kendra in his kitchen, wearing his sweatshirt, did something to him that he couldn't explain, filling him with an unexpected sadness at all he had ruined for himself. This is exacerbated when she pats his chest, putting distance between them. Her touch might as well have been a brush with ice. Collecting himself, he turns away, reaching in to a cupboard and pulling out a chocolate bar. "Weed chocolate, if you feel like it." The delicious smell of brownies has flooded his place, making it feel even less like his. He wants to bring it back around. "Alexa, play Asc. Scorpio by Oracle Sisters." Alexa echoes the request and he turns the TV off, letting the familiar song wash over him as he collapses onto the couch, kicking his sneakers off and resting his feet on the armrest. "Don't you have anywhere to be today? I can drop you off, if you want."

[kendra santisi]

In a rare act of selflessness, Kendra knew she was saving him from himself. Knew what felt familiar, what felt easy throughout their past relationship. The quiet moments, the domestic bliss when they'd somehow be in the same spot at the same time, hours unfurling where they could just be. She knew he'd regret it - down the line, send some guilt-ridden text hours later when she stepped right back out of his life. Maybe try to extend contact to drive home the sincerity...in the end it was smart to step away, watching the timer dip closer to zero and accepting the bar he offered. Never opposed to dodging an edge if she could. "Don't mind if I do,” Kendra mumurs, breaking off half of a square before passing it back. Her tolerance was always out of whack after a big night out, chewing the familiar sweet and earthy mix before an easy, familiar tune flooded the speakers again. God, she should have known to just ask Alexa. Her eyes roll at her own obliviousness, pushing herself up onto the counter. Legs dangling breezily, eyes entranced with the light peeking out of the oven across from her. "Funny how easy it is to cancel plans after you get dumped...at least let me take a few of these brownies as collateral. How was Patient Zero anyway, miserable and confused?”

[taylor maitson]

The girlfriend treatment. In some twisted way, he'd thought the fact he'd reserved that for her meant that his sexual dalliances hadn't meant anything. He would never take another girl for dinner, he'd never make her breakfast the morning after he'd fucked her in their bed-- meals, apparently, were a boundary. Small acts of affection were too precious to be given away, and he'd only ever send Kendra affectionate memes about missing her. So it's easy to slip into old habits, old habits she's smart enough to avoid. "It's pretty strong, go easy." She looks tiny sat up on his countertop and it makes his heart hurt so he stops looking. Instead his eyes flit to his phone, scrolling through messages, looking without seeing. "You can stay as long as you want. I don't want to talk about him, though." Hot and cold, push and pull. "Actually, we can. Do you guys keep in touch? I didn't tell him you were here."

[kendra santisi]

Though they'd only traded quick barbs about it earlier, Kendra was only too aware of what (or wasn't) in her stomach. Based on the ragged rasp in her throat she assumes she'd been sick at one point last night, a victim of overconsumption versus a forced habit that still lingered to this day. So she heeds his warning, the piece passing by her lips smaller than originally intended. Rich, sweet treats had always been her weakness; Kendra's eyes dart between the oven and Taylor at home on the couch, lips quirking in amuse at her own train of thought. They drop immediately when he presses further. "Ha, we do not,” she assures, shoulders tensing at the thought of trying to reach him and revisiting their chaotic, regretful past. "I realized that mistake long ago, and will never refer to it as anything but. He'd probably have berated you for this, even when it was a nice gesture and he's the idiot coming out of rehab.” Her feet drum against the cabinet mindlessly. "Can't help people who don't want to help themselves.”

[taylor maitson]

She eats like a rabbit, as she always has done; nibbling, always going for things corner first. He had spent so much of his time worrying about her eating habits, monitoring her intake and timing how long she spent in the bathroom, that even now it's a hard habit to break. But he says nothing. His thumb glides over the surface of his phone as he throws out the question about Isaac and how much they kept in touch, feigning disinterest despite how much it was a passionate subject of his. "It's not his fault he has an addiction." There is was again, the undeserved, unreciprocated loyalty. It was also possible that he just had a sore spot around the subject of substance abuse. "That's so fucked up Kendra. What, you'd leave him to overdose and die in a ditch somewhere?"

[kendra santisi]

Kendra turns her back to him briefly, feigning interest again in the timer when she just wanted to roll her eyes. It was such an annoying, knee jerk reaction he had to defending Isaac, someone who had done nothing but let him down over the years. It was even more annoying that he’d lost any loyalty to her so easily when the fame truly hit - and when her and Isaac had dated, dropped it entirely. He could tell her all he wanted that he hated him too, but the malice of his accusation continued to rub her the wrong way when she finally whips back around, eyes narrowed. "Didn’t say that. Help him all you want, a million times over if you need - but until he realizes he needs it or actually wants it, it’s going to happen over and over.” Her head tilts to the side, catching something. "He’s actually back on heroine?”

[taylor maitson]

It's obvious he's annoyed her but he doesn't apologize, letting the awkward silence stretch out between them. It's only a matter of time until she either takes the bait and snaps back at him, or radically changes the topic of conversation so as to avoid that former possibility. In truth it had been easier to cut Kendra out of his life, not because he loved Isaac so much, but because he had no idea who he would be if he weren't in the band. "He wouldn't be checking himself into rehab if he didn't know he had a problem." Taylor finally puts the phone down, resting it screen down on his chest as he regards her. "No. He's just drinking again. You think I'd be this blasé if he was back on heroin?"

[kendra santisi]

It’s not worth the fight. Kendra’s head is starting to pound and no impending high will combat her stomping any further down this road she knew would dead end on her. The side he’d take was obvious in the way he regarded her, body loosening as she slipped off the counter and dared to take up his space again. If he was going to choose Isaac she wasn’t going to let him be comfortable in doing so, dropping right beside him in concealed fury. "Who knows, we’d have let him get away with murder back in the day. I don’t know why we’re talking about him, let’s talk about us instead. Remember that fun?”

[taylor maitson]

"What are you--" he starts as she invades his space, going to object but finding it's too late as she's plopped herself down anyway. They fought like siblings sometimes, like children, bickering and even swatting each other away when one was annoyed with the other. Taylor resists the temptation to do so now, sighing heavily at her presence but nudging up slightly so there's some room. "You brought him up." The conversation has soured his mood and not even the rich smell of chocolate is lifting it, though he's able to resist telling her she had to leave. "Do you wanna watch a movie or something? I can order us more snacks."

[kendra santisi]

"I was being polite,” she sneers, eyes dropping to the minimal space he manages to put between them. If Kendra pushed far enough Taylor would inevitably bite, his patience with her notoriously short-fused. It's a surprise that it hadn't grow over their time apart, far removed from their infamous breakup and the mass coverage that ensued on it. But, she guessed the attraction to one another hadn't waned either, body still alight and familiar in his presence the second she chose to exist in it. "You're so weird. Want to watch Anyone But You? Seems apt.”