HAWKINS, River C.

[river hawkins]

__________________________________________________________ TESTIMONIALS DAD . " Tell ya the truth, Audrey and I worried River might be slow. That sounds bad, I know, but seriously, she was losing her mind over it. He was slow to talk, slow to read... turns out, he's kinda a perfectionist. He'd be quiet because he knew he couldn't talk well, and when he finally started, he practically came out with full sentences. Same with the reading. He'd sit blankly looking at the page, until one day he read it all aloud, nearly perfectly. River isn't slow, he's just not showy. There's a lot going on in that head of his but he's in no rush to share it, not until he wants to. He's a thinker, Leon's a doer - together they work well, Leon pushes him and River holds Leon back, they really make the perfect pair. Audrey still worries that if River had any kinda problem he wouldn't tell us, and hell, that's probably true, but what can ya do? I'm not gonna beat it out of him. The kid's alright, and if he wasn't, his brother would get it out of him. " FORMER TEACHER . " Oh I loved having River in my class. You're not supposed to play favorites, but he's one of my favorites ever. He was just so polite, so quiet, so conscientious. I can't speak for my colleagues but the teachers pet types always annoy me, they are too sycophantic for my tastes. It's the students like River I like, because he seemed to genuinely enjoy learning, for its own sake. He didn't speak up often but when he did it was always such an insightful question, and his work was usually a pleasure to mark, since it was obvious he had put real thought into it. I think he'd make a good teacher, but hey, I suppose brewing beer is more fun. I hope he's well. " GIRLFRIEND'S SISTER . " Look, is River a nice guy? Obviously. You're not gonna catch me making out he's wronged my sister in some grievous way, neither of them are like that. But the situation they've got themselves into is fucked. They've spent most of their lives together, and neither one is the type to rock the boat, so they just... keep staying together? I don't want to call them spineless, because that's not quite it. They're both pretty brave actually, and opinionated. Know themselves. So I don't know what the issue is, and you can't ask because they deny there's an issue at all, which is infuriating. River's always been real quiet but he's friendly and open, though lately something's off. Do I trust him? I did, but I don't know... people change. If he hurts my sister I'll break his legs. " __________________________________________________________ AGE FOURTEEN My sister asks me if he's my boyfriend. It's not the first time I've been asked that question, it's been asked since we met and hit it off as best friends aged ten, but it's the first time the idea doesn't make me want to gag. I ask him the question later that day, sat in the treehouse in his parents' backyard, seizing the opportunity when Leon goes inside to get us popsicles. He says, "if that's what you want, OK." AGE SIXTEEN It's after prom and we're tipsy on warm beer, lying in the back of his truck. He's pointing out constellations and it takes me a while to realize he's making them up, pointing at random spots and calling them 'the Wheelbarrow' or 'Zeus' Bolt'. 'Jockstrap of Hercules' finally tips me off. I don't remember ever laughing that hard and when we kiss we both know that it feels right, that it's our time to go for it, even if prom night is the oldest cliche in the book. It's perfect and I don't regret anything. AGE EIGHTEEN It's my birthday and I'm convinced he's forgotten it, too swept up in the excitement of graduating and going off to college. He usually hounds me for gift suggestions and books whichever restaurant I like in the city, but he's also been sick so I think it's slipped by. It gets to around ten when I finally crack and ask if he's forgetting something, he looks confused and then mortified, says he has to go. I figure he's panic buying something and I can't help bursting into tears, so my sister takes me to our favorite spot for lunch. I never knew they were such good actors but when we get there everyone's there, including my best, best friend from childhood, flown in all the way from Australia. He's practically in tears when he apologizes for the trick but they wanted the full surprise and I don't care, it's funny and sweet and so me. It's perfect and he's perfect, I love him. I love him, I love him, I love him. AGE TWENTY He comes home from college after I'd called him crying. It's obvious that his family are confused why he's back so soon, exactly two weeks after visiting in fact, and it's also obvious that he's told Leon why. He holds my hand while we wait for the test results and when it's negative I feel so stupid, making such a fuss and dragging him all the way home, but he pulls me into a hug and holds me there for a long, long time. AGE TWENTY-TWO He's thinking about dropping out of college, this whole brewery idea really taking off. I'm surprised they are actually doing it but that's Leon for you, he drives things forward and one of those things is his brother. I never really believed it was what he wanted when he started the VFX course and it's amazing to see him so animated, excited, but I worry that this will flop. I don't say anything but he can read me like a book. AGE TWENTY-FOUR I was wrong, which I'm happy about. Really. It's great that the boys are doing so well, but it's taken him to the city and away from me. I visited a few times but I don't like how noisy it is, how busy and dirty. I don't like their apartment, always crawling with people I don't know, girls hanging off Leon and eyeing him up too, even when I'm right there. I feel dowdy and invisible and like I'm holding him back, even though he swears up and down that that's not the case. He promises to come home more, says I don't have to come here if I don't want to. I don't want to. AGE TWENTY-SIX People still ask about him, but now they ask if he's still my boyfriend. I say "yes, duh" quickly but I can hear my voice start to waver. He's kept his promise to visit me, though it's gone from every two weeks to every month, sometimes every other month when he's busy. Recently I could sense that something is wrong-- very wrong. He's always been quiet but now he's mute, and when we hug he's the first to pull away. Not once has that ever happened before. Leon used to text me now and again, funny pictures or random updates, but I haven't heard from him in weeks. Something has happened but I don't know what it is... I know what you'll think and you aren't alone in that, but I can't believe it. He wouldn't. Despite everything I know him, know him right to his soul, and he doesn't have it in him. I know I should just ask but instead I keep talking about getting engaged, how our classmates are on their second babies... I don't know what I expect, but I expect something. I'll let you know when I get it. __________________________________________________________ HINGE PROFILE THAT HE HAS NO IDEA HE HAS River 6’5”. Ruggishly handsome. Small town raised. 10/10 on the nice scale. Meet River (Riv-rrrr), my twin brother. You might wonder why he ended up here - on a dating site with a profile written by his shared blood. This is a plea to show him that there’s more in the world than what he allows himself to see and that the grass is really greener on the other side. PS. He is currently in a long distance relationship, but it’s on the way out. Dating me is like… dating a Great Dane. He doesn’t fit many places - barely fits in a car. His lifespan is likely shortened due to the sheer size of him. He also eats a lot and will run your grocery bill up. But he’s a genuinely great guy. Loyal to a fault and a pretty good guard puppy. Great cuddler too. Give me travel tips for… New Zealand. Specifically the best hiking and camping spots. NZ is high on our list, but I’m willing to let that one go if you show him around. Keep in mind that he snores and needs a four person tent to fit you both… but genuinely great guy.    I geek out on… a well balanced stout. One that’s not shot up with peanut butter and chocolate. A stout should be smooth and dark, not thick or heavy. A creamy foam, but a midnight finish. Simplicity is key when it comes to a good beer. I want someone who… will get him out his shell a bit. Really give him a shove. GENUINELY GREAT GUY. But a little bit of a homebody. Could be convinced to leave the state of NY every once in a while. Light some fire under his ass. The one thing you should know about me is… if he’s at a convenience store he’s not leaving without a pickle in a bag. It’s the most unshakable weird trait and I really apologize for it. There’s nothing that will make the man happier than a pickle in a bag.

lex             jacob e          resident