. hammer heart

[jane ridley]

JANIE hypothetical question for you: if you were enjoying a lonely bottle of an incredible cab sauv for the night, what would you suggest to pair it with?

[oscar rutherford]

O S C A R My first pick would be game, but that'll be tough for you to get so maybe next best thing - venison. Would make a nice little venison and melon salad, sounds weird but is sooo good and stops it feeling wintery. Also super lean!

[jane ridley]

JANIE and what if I wanted lush and decadent?

[oscar rutherford]

O S C A R Then it'd have to be lamb shanks with a red wine jus and bone marrow mash. But more importantly, you'd have to let me cook it for you.

[jane ridley]

JANIE devil's food cake for dessert?

[oscar rutherford]

O S C A R Your wish is my command. My tyrannical employer's place or your sugar daddy's?

[jane ridley]

JANIE Might have a few more wishes, then. When the sugar daddy’s away, the girl takes advantage of a dimly lit empty home. How is your favorite girlboss these days? Still depriving Aria of a sourdough pancake?

[oscar rutherford]

O S C A R I'll grant you three, the classic quantity. Promise I'll leave it exactly as I found it, though I can't promise the same for you. She's in a better mood, I'm pretty sure she's getting laid.

[jane ridley]

JANIE Well the first one is very well spent because you and I both know I wasn’t going anywhere near the grill by myself. I’m glad your manners only extend so far. Seeing as I haven’t heard a peep from a certain someone I might know her victim. Good for them.

[oscar rutherford]

O S C A R I'm sure he'd be grateful for that too. Rich people fucking rich people, a tale as old as time. Suits me, I'll have more leeway.

[jane ridley]

JANIE Burning this house down would be a tragedy. Having you not cook only for me would also, be a tragedy. Maybe it cancels out and the sex is mid. But if you can play hooky more I won’t complain. We’ll probably need a midnight swim.

[oscar rutherford]

O S C A R Now you're just buttering me up. Sure you're happy with the menu? I'm very good at taking direction. I think it would be sooo weird having sex with a pregnant person. That sounds good, just to work off the food, of course. Did you know that it's a myth that you shouldn't swim after eating?

[jane ridley]

JANIE So feedback’s important to you, noted. We’ll need a starter too. I’ve heard they can be super horny, hormones and all. But the positions just seem very limited and I can’t imagine staring at a bump mid thrust. They probably just wanted an excuse to not have to be basically naked after a big meal.

[oscar rutherford]

O S C A R My main thing is I really don't want to hurt anyone. So let me know if you have any allergies! Like.. is it better or worse if it's your kid? I think worse. But then you're fucking someone and they're growing someone else's kid, it gives me the ick. A fair point. Unfortunately for me nothing turns me on like seeing a woman enjoy my food.

[jane ridley]

JANIE Allergy-free, just an insatiable sweet tooth. Better, because at least you can see the product of your creation and I feel like some men get so turned on about impregnating someone. Not yours sure you have no obligation, but there’s absolutely no avoiding it. Instant gratification, I get it.