. this mess we're in

[theo lovett]

Happy Go Lucky. An idea of Theo that persisted from childhood through to the present day, persevering through the loss of his parents, the slow decline of his relationship with his twin, working in healthcare during a pandemic. His relentless optimism was something that earned him as much scorn as it did admiration, making him less relatable, even annoying. But today he's beat. A double shift has left him feeling depleted of energy right to his very core, exhaustion setting in and making his movements slow, the shadows under his eyes almost as dark as his hair and made all the more so by the pallor of his skin. It's been a long day and worse, there is more to come.  In fact, it's what's waiting for him at home that prompted him to volunteer for a double, something he was otherwise averse to doing at all costs. He takes his good sweet time parking the jeep too, suddenly moving with a meticulousness that was entirely unlike him. Eventually the inevitable can be put off no longer and he has to step into the apartment, taking in the boxes now full to the brim and taped up for good measure, Elyse's girlish handwriting labelling each one with big swooping letters. He feels sick. With a sigh he kicks one labelled 'Books (and stuff)' out of the way, heading to her room and leaning in the doorway.  "Looks like you're pretty much done?"

[elyse condon]

This doesn't feel real, Elyse thinks as she scribbles 'Books (and stuff)' in a permanent marker on the of latest boxes she's filled with her belongings. Books, old planners, various knick knacks and other random things stuffed in as she tapes the top. She was really doing this, leaving Los Angeles after all. A travel nursing contract in Texas awaited her, with it the promise of a fresh start and new friendships. They wouldn't replace memories, or the special friendships she created in the years she'd lived in the city. One in particular. Would be hard to replace, hard to forget, but Ellie was certain it was time to move on. From the boy who was down the hall and the feelings she sort of regretted blurting out. Humming along to the music she'd put on her bluetooth speaker, serious progress has been made and she admires the work put in. She'd been alone in the apartment for so long that Theo's deep voice halts her movements and thoughts. "Oh, you scared me!" Ellie grabs at her chest with both of her hands, letting out a soft chuckle while regaining composure. "Sorry, one second." Reaching for her phone to turn down the volume of a Chappell Roan song that was blasting from the corner of the room. With her heart still beating fast, she glances to Theo standing in the door way. He looks tired,  faint dark lines under his eyes from an obvious double shift. No matter how excited Ellie was for a new adventure, the words that leave his mouth twist at her stomach. Theo's eyes moving back and forth, towards the amount of packing she'd accomplished in the last two days. "Yeah. It's weird, isn't it?" Her bottom drops to the edge of the bed, closest to the doorway he was standing in. Joining in his looking to the boxes scattered throughout her once clean room. "I can take a break though. Want to watch a movie or play Mario Kart?" Their favorite past times.

[theo lovett]

Theo takes in the bare room, the mirror that no longer has a ring of photos around its edge, the shelves that no longer sag under the weight of her random trinkets and notebooks. The music seems to echo against the bare walls though he must be imagining that, there's too much in the room and it was never cavernous to begin with, but none of that bears relevance to how he feels. There's a sense of an edge under his feet, a precipice he hasn't felt since he left Alaska what felt like forever ago. A before and an after, the current moment the line that precariously straddled the two, neither one or the other. He manages a grin at her reaction, leaning over to ruffle her hair in the way he knew she found annoying. "Sorry, didn't exactly think of myself as light on my feet but I'll knock next time." Not that there would be a next time. "No if you're on a roll you should keep going. I can help, want me to carry the packed ones out and start stacking them up?" Practicality was a familiar coping mechanism for Theo, who had spent the last day distracting from the horror of gun shots and car accidents with the rush of addressing their immediate needs, bandaging, pumping chests, stitching. Just another work day. Besides the prospect of Mario Kart seems too demanding of him, too tired to muster up the energy though it would surely be less taxing than physical labor. Somehow it didn't feel like it. He bends to lift a taped up box, demonstrating his usefulness by carrying it out into the main room unprompted. "Easy, we'll have this done in no time."

[elyse condon]

Next time. It stings to think about, another twist to her gut. Knowing there wouldn't be another time. They laugh together at the notion of him being quiet, before Theo fully enters the bedroom. His fingers instantly messing up her hair, something Theo knew drove her crazy. The action feels oddly nice..during this strange transition period. A scoff follows his actions, playing along, showing the annoyance it usually brought. Ellie smooths the ruffled hairs  standing from the bed. Looking in the mirror to make sure every strand was back in a presentable position.  "If you're offering, I'm definitely not going to say no." There wasn't much left to do. Some clothes in a long dresser, small trinkets that lined the dresser as well. With the two of them it easily could be finished, leaving just the bed and larger items to be packed up tomorrow before she began the road trip.  Reaching over to turn the music back up a few volumes, queuing a few songs for while they worked. A routine begins after his first trip into the living room. Several boxes had accumulated that Theo carries to the same location. While he worked on the finished pile, Ellie stuffed a box, taping it when finished and placing it to a corner of the room for him to then move with the others. The last box is a smaller one, not being filled to the brim like the rest of them. Checking under the bed, in the random drawers, the tape goes across the final bit of the belongings. Handing the last box over to her best friend, Ellie sighs. "I'll do the rest tomorrow." She smiles, satisfied on how much they'd accomplished together. Her eyes watch as he lifts the final box into her living room, carefully watching how good his arms looked. Sitting on top of the bed, extending her legs to get a relaxing position. "Come on." Patting the spot beside her when Theo came back into the bedroom. Her body feels exhausted, having worked hard the last few days. "Thank you for the help."

[theo lovett]

He feels confident that there are items of his that will be packed away in these boxes. He's struck by the desire to stop and unpack them, not to retrieve said items but because it was as good an excuse as any. He'd unpack everything and put it just as it was, a memory game to test himself on where everything had lived for the last however many years, things in a place and him taking it for granted that they always would be. But he doesn't do that, he just takes the boxes and puts them down in a pile by the door, ready to start ferrying them to her car whenever she so desired.  It doesn't take long for the stack to become significant, every item of hers packed up neatly and labelled with that swirling handwriting. Returning to her room, his palms feel dry from all the cardboard. Soon he's sat beside her in the empty room, wondering how long it would take for him to pack up his belongings, too. "Still doesn't feel real," he says, not least because Cleo was working late and they were very much alone in the relative quiet. "What time do you head off tomorrow? Any more chores to work through?" His voice is easy, breezy, a lie compared to how exhausted he feels. "I might need a Red Bull but I'm here to be used as needed."

[elyse condon]

Everything used to be in order, the way she liked things - nice and organized. In her head she replayed a memory that she associated with whatever was being thrown into the cardboard. She'd luckily packed her clothes while Theo was away, a little embarrassed by how many articles of clothing she'd stolen from him over the years. But not ready to part with them. Did he have anything of hers that he was withholding too? Something to remember the days where it felt like it was was the two of them against the world. Saying goodbye to a room that held so much history. Even in with just a few years. Though with sadness, did come excitement. It just seemed to fall away with Theo nearby.  His body drops on the bed beside her. Same side he always occupied when he would spend night after night in this room with her. A soft smiles tugs at her lips at the memories of those nights. "It doesn't." The blank walls make the space seem so much different. Like her living here brought life to the room. "Think you'll post another Craigslist ad?" But selfish thoughts pour into her brain as soon as the words leave her mouth. "Actually.. don't. That title belongs only to me." A funny story between the three original roommates. "I'm hoping to leave by ten at the latest." The trip was going to take a few days, a solo road trip. Cleo had helped her create a playlist, along with a podcast schedule. "Do you think we could just lay here for a bit? We haven't done this.. in a while. You're probably exhausted from the double." Her eyes close, sliding further down, putting her head in a comfortable position along the throw pillow.

[theo lovett]

Theo manages a weak laugh at the suggestion of a Craigslist ad, the insanity of that original plan now so obvious to him though it had resulted in a friendship he would be sure to remember for the rest of his life. "No Craigslist ad, promise." It was an easy promise to make, since he and Cleo had already agreed their next steps; he too would leave this apartment, unable to face the idea of trying to rebuild something in the image of what he'd lost. It had run its course. "No new roommates, I've decided I'm skipping town too. Cleo as well, didn't she tell you?" Her suggestion brings another smile to his face. There was nothing in the world he'd like to do more than lie down right now, so he does, taking his rightful place alongside her in the bed, a familiar spot. "I'm so tired," he admits, physically exhausted but emotionally spent too, the weight of the precipice at which he was stood taking its toll on him. "Never doing a double again."

[elyse condon]

The news of Theo leaving was something Ellie hadn't heard of yet. Cleo, yes. The girls sitting across from each other at their favorite Mexican joint and crying over a few margaritas. But it sounds like everyone's time in the city had grown short. "No. She didn't tell me about your big plans, where are you heading?" Ellie questions, trying to mask the shock she's feeling, hearing this words slip out so easily from him. Theo settles into his rightful place, in her bed. Almost as if he had never even left. Her body shifts closer, rolling onto the side Theo's laying, hand cupping her cheek as she faced him. His face seemed exhausted, dark circles touching underneath a set of gorgeous eyes. Though his body would never portray that same sentiment. She can imagine how tired he must be. His work just as gruesome, demanding as her field. Theo's a little more extreme.. "I hope it wasn't too crazy of a double." She'd been a little disappointed upon hearing that he'd chosen those hours on her last days in Los Angeles. It's quiet for a moment as he gets more comfortable. "I'm really going to miss you, Theo." Free hand skating across his cheek, before closing the space between their bodies, pushing herself into his arms.