. land where i land

[taylor maitson]

Gardening was a good suggestion. Taylor's continual, gradual pull away from the rockstar lifestyle of sex, drink and drugs had left an ever-widening chasm in his life, one that the odd yoga class would only go so far to fill. He remembers that he and Aaron have a reupholstery class tomorrow and the thought makes him grin, wondering if he'll be hungover for it. "That's a good idea, want to help me get started?" Herbs would be useful, and maybe tomatoes too. Cooking with fresh ingredients was still something of a novelty to him. He registers the shock on her face and he laughs. "Is that really so shocking? You were a baby when we met, I didn't want to be put on any registers." She was not just youthful in looks but in attitude, a stark contrast to himself, someone who had been forced into being older than their years. It's news that she had a crush though and despite himself, he turns bashful. "You didn't know better." Whilst he had felt protective of her in that first meeting, his attitude towards her had experienced some shifts over time, something he sees no harm in telling her. "That shoot..." for once he struggles for words, wondering how to phrase it in a way that didn't sound skeevy, didn't make her uncomfortable. "I've thought about it since."

[camille de vries]

“Sure,” she acquiesces, shrugging her shoulders. “I can dig the soil, you can plant the seeds.” A childhood friend had grown up on a vineyard, brief flashes of running through hot hills in the summer providing a new warmth now that the lights had been extinguished from their palms. Shadows shrouding them further as clouds drifted over the moon, barely able to make out his silhouette draped across the chair. Maybe that was what drew out this intimacy - secrets would lost to the dark, swept up in midnight and only known between the pair. It's why she chooses to look away suddenly, leaning back and away, allowing the hesitancy of his voice to guide her gaze back to him in openness. “The first one or the one that just happened?” Cami asks in clarity, cautious but seeking.

[taylor maitson]

Of course Cami's preference was to dig, it was well within her skillset after all. He focuses in on the music, working out what was playing as a means of distraction from what could be an emotionally confronting conversation. Andromeda by Weyes Blood. Looking up to the sky for something I may never find. He does that now, light pollution chasing stars from the sky, only the strongest amongst them able to shine through, tiny pinpricks of white against deep indigo. "Not the first one," he says, thinking of it now for the first time in a while. A pivotal shoot for her, and of course one that had impacted the trajectory of his life in numerous ways, but for him it really more of a footnote in the story of how they met. Her entering his life like a meteor, effectively ending his modelling career but giving him so much more in its place. He sighs, still struggling to find the right words for what he wants to say. "I think I forgot that you're a sexual being at some point. Is that weird? My brain reclassified you and that shoot was a reset."

[camille de vries]

She too, understood how much had changed. The first time she had stepped on that set in no way mirrored the recent one, ten years older, wiser and more steady than she'd ever felt in her life. It's why she smiles encouragingly for him to continue, not trying to speak over his silence or discomfort. Ever aware of what it was like to stumble over words or feelings; even in native tongues, sometimes things felt so foreign. Such a vulnerability, or raw confessions, tipping her head his direction as she shrugged. “I do not think that's weird.” Cami tries not to hesitate in her response, wondering if the admission will fall more neutral if it's quick. “I got off thinking about it right after the shoot wrapped. So I guess we both did some reclassifying recently.”

[taylor maitson]

There was no fear of rejection with her. Even if she had no idea what he was talking about, or worse, felt entirely differently, he was so confident that she would handle it with grace and compassion that he had nothing to fear. One of her many talents was papering over the cracks, whether that was assistants fucking up on high pressure shoots or Taylor falling quiet when asked about his family, she managed to keep things moving, to consistently let people off the hook without making it seem like that's what she was doing. So he's not surprised when she says it's not weird, knowing she wouldn't say so even if she thought it was. He takes a gulp of wine at an inopportune moment, almost spitting it out at what she expects. That he had not expected. "Cam," he says, his voice ringing out into the night, tinged with incredulous laughter. Heat is rising up his neck, though drunken happiness chases away what should be a healthy amount of fear around what to say next. "That's ridiculous. You're ridiculous."

[camille de vries]

Her smile turns wry, unable to stop herself from laughing along even if it was her own filthy confession that had him almost spitting wine across her feet. “What! It was a hot shoot, you cannot blame me.” It's where the true different had been if they'd dug further into it. Ten years and another test at their chemistry, Cami had been content when a spark had flared for a few hours. Not too familiar to not feel attraction to one another, a box metaphorically checked in her mind as she leaned over to pinch one of his cheeks. “I bet you're imagining it,” she dares even further, brow quirked a wink sent his way though she's unsure if he'll see it in the dark. Unfolding from the lounger Cami drifts to the edge of the pool, sinking her legs back into the tepid water. “Come stick your feet in, you are the color of the wine right now!”

[taylor maitson]

"Not contesting that at all," he agrees, a coy grin starting to tug at the corner of his lips as he let himself think about it. That was a key difference between his dynamic with her and his dynamic with Kendra; the latter he'd approached with total lust from the word go, almost animalistic in their attraction. It was a new experience to have that reverse engineered into an existing friendship, especially when he hadn't been expecting it. "Maybe I am. Need I remind you it was your idea in the first place?" he launches into an exaggerated Spanish accent, more Speedy Gonzales than Camille de Vries. "Taylor, ees work, do not be implying that eet ees anything so crazy." She stretches to her full frame and it's every inch the model, even more so as a silhouette against the azure water. He follows her lead, perching on the edge and grinning like an idiot. "Maybe in another ten years we'll end up doing porn to commemorate the occasion."

[camille de vries]

It's the immense depth of their friendship that makes her so comfortable to admit it, feeling less shame confessing it to the cause of her desire than to one of her best friends. An impossibly rare circumstance, something Cami will never not be grateful for as the air lightens up. Then clears completely, almost topping her own glass of wine as she shrieked at his attempt of an accent. “Dios mío, I will teach you Spanish so you never have to do that again.” Her voice lowers then, similar to the hushed tones from set. “For the record, I still think it was very good work.” Her fingers curl in quotes over the word work, leaving the mystery to be and the joke to continue. Reveling in the understanding that no one else would take it this way as he finally joined her. “Calvin Klein: Bare - and it is just your ass in frame.” It's her own amusing image, swirling the saved glass in her hand as she pictures it. "I think it would be a hit. We could market internationally. Though you would have to tell me what still you would want over your bed for that one too.”

[taylor maitson]

Taylor laughs easily at her horror at the impression, glad it's having its intended effect. "I'll do it publicly if you don't actually make good on that. Consider this a threat." It was so easy to switch between modes with her, though flirtatiousness was one they resorted to sparingly, usually reserving it for one to one interactions away from prying eyes and deep into the night. Which is why it was so surprising how easy it had been to bring the heat when they did the shoot, exposing a side of their relationship that had not only laid dormant but possibly been believed to be extinct. The water is the perfect temperature and he leans back onto his elbows, surveying the view from this new vantage point. "No one's gonna want to see my ass in ten years, that I can guarantee." He grins at her question, spurred on to keep sharing now that she'd raised the stakes. "I fucked Kendra under those prints the other day, by the way. First time. She must have really wanted it to let me, she hates those pictures with a passion."

[camille de vries]

"Someone will cancel you,” she mock threatens back, reminded once again at how much fun they had with one another. The shoot had been a beast of its own entirely, emotions curiously exposed and explored, now navigated with peace and, maybe unbelievably, humor. Another testament to their comfort level, Camille daring for more wine as she slipped back inside for a minute. Checking on Lena, testing the bottles remaining until she swung one in her palm in victory. Legs welcomed back to the pool, lips staining even further red with another round. Head swimming yet clear, like a ripple in the water, laying back to enjoy the sky and its spoils. What she could make of them anyway."That is not true, some die hard would go into debt at auction for a chance.” Kendra, maybe, brows raised in amuse as she lolled her head his direction. "The real question is were you looking at her or looking at me during that. You have them set pretty eye level if you are on your knees you know.”

[taylor maitson]

"A sight for sore eyes," he grins at the bottle, as though this wasn't the fifth or sixth they had been through today. These were the kinds of evenings that reaffirmed to Taylor that he did not want to be tee total. So often the choice posed seemed to be between total abstinence or total hedonism, but it would be impossible to deny the lubricating effect of the wine now, making tongues looser and intents clearer, all of which was a comfortable risk with Camille. No fear that he'd over speak and make her retreat, nor say something stupid and have it quoted back at him in the hungover hours to come. Total comfort and ease. That said, they are reaching levels of audaciousness hitherto unexplored, something he knows he should be wary of though he can't quite make himself heed his own suppressed warnings. "You have a very piercing gaze, anyone ever told you that?" He says, all but confirming her suspicions. He laughs, shaking his head. "I think Ken imagines this is all we talk about. How much I want to fuck you and prefer you to her, day in, day out."

[camille de vries]

The evening's taken on the gloss of inebriation, a slight ring to her ears and softness to her movement that only existed when her guard had fully dropped. On set she was known for being late but incredibly efficient, as if making up time on tailwinds, emerging from hair and make-up with a sense of the character and what she'd need to portray to hit the mark. Shooting with Taylor had unwound her, deviating from all original intentions to get him out of his head. Pushing personal boundaries to produce professional results, something they'd laughed about immediately after, only to realize, after a little too much wine, that they hadn't fully put thought into it yet. What it had meant if anything, the rapid uptick in her heart and the ache between her legs when she straddled him. Primal urges or pure connection? For once she holds her tongue, the same gaze he alluded to pinned fully in his direction. "I think it is interesting how often you think of or mention her first.” Old habits die hard, she knows it goes. Or they don't die at all, rising back up on her elbows to meet him where he was. "You could want to fuck me all you want, or the other way around, but I could never do to your soul what she seems to have done to it.”

[taylor maitson]

The shoot had stayed with him, not just as a memory but as a puzzle. The kiss they had shared at her eighteenth birthday party had been a conclusive one, a confirmation of what they both had suspected; their connection was a platonic one. It was a moment that provided answers, whilst the shoot had posed questions he had thought long settled. It's a relief that they can share space so comfortably still, even whilst acknowledging that that had been something, though what neither of them seems able to say. Her long legs distorted in the pool water, their skin luminously pale in the blue tinged light. It's true that he thinks of Kendra often. "I feel cursed sometimes," he confides, able to conjure up images of his ex stabbing a pin into his voodoo doll heart. But it's not fair and it paints a dishonestly one sided picture, something Camille is clearly keenly aware is not the case. "Have you ever been in a toxic relationship?" he asks, though he's known her for her entire adult life and also can't picture her putting up with it. "It alters your brain chemistry. It's really not that different from having an addiction."

[camille de vries]

Camille dips her hand into the pool suddenly, sending ripples over the surface to disturb whatever reverie the water or this woman held him in. Something so chemical it was unexplainable, palpable, remembering the way the studio felt hot when they'd finished. Almost in shame, like it had seen things it shouldn't have. Neither Cami nor Taylor were able to articulate that why or the more either, rooted firmly in their friendship and its openness. It's how they had conversations like this instead, Cami softly shaking her head. "I have not had anything serious enough to get to that phase,” she admits, a fan of fast and free dating without putting much stock to it. Camille's romantic endeavors in general had been a late bloom in life, grounded first in the language of persuasion and the intimacy of a camera. Then growing to the sensual connection of skin, something she at times held sacred and others followed a blind invitation for carnal companionship. "But I know the passion of a fight and subsequent make-up. Just everything running on emotion. It is explosive, sometimes beautiful, but exhaustion - you know?” She likes the comparison to addiction, finds it easy to understand, hands drifting back to the lip of the pool as the waves continue to roam. "Do you crave her, then? It works like that?”

[taylor maitson]

Addiction was a subject Taylor was well versed in, watching as it took hold of Isaac with an indifference born of being exposed to it from an early age, alcohol being his mother’s most devoted pursuit. The substances may have been different but one was no better than the other once it had sunk its claws in, reducing its subjects to shadow people, able to pretend to be normal with varying levels of success. Taylor knew that his personal addiction was not as destructive as theirs, but he also saw the similarities, something he had never addressed out loud before. “I do. Nothing else really compares,” he watches the water ripple, thinking on his attempts at diversifying his tastes and how unsuccessful those pursuits had been. “I know it’s not good for me and I nod along when people tell me as much, but deep down I know I’ll go back.” He sighs, feeling weighed down by this revelation, wishing it could be different. “You’re not stupid enough to end up in this position, don’t worry about it.”