LEMEIR, Vegas E

[Deleted]

full name Vegas Lemeir-Costellos date of birth 21.11.67 home town NYC, NY current city NYC, NY education Harvard Medical School Class of 1995 occupation Head of Neurology Mount Sinai Hospital ________________________________________ Erratic. That's one word to describe my twenties. Another one is pulsating, or inconsistent. A period of highs, and of lows, let's start with the highs. At eighteen I graduated top of my year, was accepted into Harvard Pre-med, and was marrying my high school sweetheart.. that's how I describe Caesar McCarthy to friends who've never met him, or haven't known me for long. "My high school sweetheart", truthfully he's this least bit sweet, and more likely to give you a migraine than tie your stomach with butterflies. We married that summer, and by fall we were off to our respective schools of choice, meeting twice a month to either a) fight about med school b) fight about our relationship c) lock myself in a room to avoid him d) have him stand at said door spewing lies/professing his love or e) in a bed making up for all the above. I was pregnant with Elise before I even turned nineteen, the summer of my freshman year. One thing could praise Caesar for is for not punching a wall, or cursing. He was actually collected, while I was mentally losing it. I never pictured myself having children, I almost had my tubes tied at twenty. But when I saw Ellie, I think that all changed. I honestly can't see myself without my children, your heart adjusts. Tate joined us two years later, unplanned. I must have been a joke at my university, not even twenty-five and two kids. But Caesar's dad was amazing; going to school and raising my little family wouldn't have been possible without his financial support. The aid of a full-time nanny, as well as a housekeeper, helped me graduate top of my class and move onto Harvard medical. My hair started falling out.. or rather, I started pulling it out around my mid-twenties. The immaturity of the relationship, though endearing and laughable at first, began to get old. Compare infidelity when your biggest worry is 'what will people think', to infidelity when you're twenty-seven with two kids. It wasn't working, the marriage lost it's charm as well as what little structure it had, and we split before thirty. The divorce was clean, and organized, both of us were even minded about it, and felt it was best. There was no custody battle, as I was the obvious choice. Admittedly, I was heartbroken over the relationship. Our marriage beginning over the thought that it was logical, that perhaps it would fix something that was never there. And to surrender that idea was crushing. Around the same time, Elise now ten and Tate being eight, we settled in New York to take an internship at Mount Sinai. I met Christian when I was twenty-nine, and it was clear from the beginning that he was the opposite of my last husband. He had a similar background - married at twenty-three, divorced six years later. A cardiologist in the hospital I was now taking my residency at, we met when I was doing rounds, literally crashing into each other. It sounds terribly cliché, but I really was smitten from the start. There was no reluctance, we simply eased into a relationship, it didn't feel like a gamble.. my heart wasn't being put on the line, it was pure. There was a beauty in Christian. The way he talked so expressively with his hands, though little fell from his lips, the words that did were so wise and poetic I could feel my heart pounding. He was soft, he was gentle, he cared so much. He would tell a joke, and have me clutching my stomach laughing, tears streaming down my face. I never heard the man shout, and he barely cursed. He held me when I needed to be held, loved me when I needed to be loved, and knew exactly what a needed. I felt like he repaired me after my disastrous past marriage. We married when I was thirty, and welcomed Garrett shortly thereafter. Life was busy, but it was happy. We both devoted time to our children, and our marriage, while maintaining our professional careers. I can remember going to sleep at midnight, only to wake up five minutes later to a crying baby. I would walk about like a zombie, my only peace being the on-call room, where I'd wake up periodically upon hallucinating the wails of children. These past few years have gone by so quickly, it's hard to re-imagine them. So much happened, but all at once, and then suddenly there was nothing. I was promoted to head of neurology, and my two oldest moved out, leaving the three of us. And then, like that, the two of us. I can collect all seven years, and narrow them down to one day: December 1st 2010. I can remember every moment, and every step I took. From when I woke up, rolling over to Christian to kiss his neck and tell him, "rise and shine". To when I got the call; dropping the phone, and walking numbly with my hands over my eyes, just crying. I can remember that next week feeling like seven years. Sitting in my bed with my children who had just lost what was in every way but blood, a father. Being surrounded by flowers, and donating those flowers to the hospital. I can remember c) locking myself in my room while d) Caesar McCarthy faked apologizes through the oak. Every step, and every form of grief, I remember. I truly dove into my work, as keeping busy kept my mind from thinking. It worked, and it still works, really. It's been four years and I'm still distracting myself from the grief. ________________________________________ your name play-by your most recent work link to thread