HOLLAND, Sara J

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full name Sara Josephine Montgomery (Holland) date of birth 05.07.92 home town Columbus, Ohio current city Joshua Tree, California education high school drop-out occupation musician ________________________________________ Joshua Tree has always been my refuge, when things get tough and thinks start feeling forced. I remember when I was seventeen and the world felt like it was crushing me, my grandma's house was the first place I went. It's the simplest place in the world, I think. There's no internet connection, and I only get service if I sit on top of the kitchen counter. When I was seventeen I would go to the basement and playing guitar, or sing stupid rock songs, mainly Nirvana. Sometimes Hendrix. My Gran's name was Rose, and she was easily the funniest person, as well as the most reassuring. She'd never tell you what you wanted to hear, she was a realist. I loved that about her. She died last year, and I haven't been back before this week. I was afraid of things not being the same, and that my simple place became more of my complicated place. But when I came back everything washed over me, and I felt less suffocated. It was bad, I had to cancel a whole tour because of it. Huntington's, I'm talking about. It's not obvious, the news itself is just painful. I won't be rendered useless till mid way through my life. But till then it's a waiting game, a ticking time bomb. It feels better here, I was spilling over in New York. Here there are no cars, there are no expectations, there are no people. _______________________________________________ from [e-mail] to [e-mail] date Oct 5, 2014 subject Party Hi Sara, We're throwing a party for mom's 60th. I know it's been a while, but it would mean a lot if you could come. - Theresa from [e-mail] to [e-mail] date Oct 5, 2014 subject Re:Party Hi Theresa, I'd love to, but I'm quite slammed that day. My schedule has been nuts. - S from [e-mail] to [e-mail] date Oct 5, 2014 subject Re:Party Come on, Sara, you know that's bullshit. I didn't even give you a date. - T from [e-mail] to [e-mail] date Oct 5, 2014 subject Re:Party I'm busy as hell, not in the mood for it. We'll sort something out for Christmas. - S _______________________________________________ I used to date a lot of musicians.. I still do, but not as frequently. I was queen of the groupies, and to be my king you had to be musically inclined, have tattoos, and not have ACDC on your ipod. You got bonus points if you're actually in a band, and I can join you on tour. That's really what it was all about - guitars and tourbuses. I lived for gritty diner food, and flat tires. A lot of things happened when I was playing band-girlfriend, but mainly Jonny happened. Jonny and I met when I was dating Charlie Miller - the lead singer of The Buzzkills, and an asshole. I was sitting on top of an amp trying to roll a joint, and he was rushing around set with a scowl on his face. I must have looked pathetic because he eventually felt compelled to roll said joint for me. And next thing I knew I was dumping Charlie and doing shots with Jonny. Talking about it makes me feel really nostalgic, but we were best friends. For a long time there was very little we didn't know about each other, I could have told him almost anything. We fought, but it was easy to make him like me again and vice versa. He was my scapegoat when I needed to dump a boyfriend, number one on my phone favourites, he was even my roommate for two weeks, he was the most reliable person I had. My soulmate, he was so many thinks. He meant so much. I shouldn't say meant, because he still means as much. It's just less simple now. When Sinthia and I were in Temper, she and him became more obvious. I blew a fuse. It happened really fast, I was cutting and short, I moved within the week. I just lost it. I have a hard time admitting it, but I think I loved him too deeply. A switch flicked, and my head became less simple. I live for simplicity, it was a lot to bear. I still feel that loss, even now. We've talked, we've seen each other at gigs, but it's not the same. It probably won't ever be, which makes me sad. A lot of the shit that's happened in Jonny's life - the rehab and what not - I think a fair bit of that has to do with me and how selfish I was.

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