WEST, Isaac C.

[Deleted]

full name isaac caradoc west. age twenty-four. home town beaumont, texas. current city new york, new york. education university of texas alumni. occupation architect. ________________________________________ "There's barely a year between my brother and I, and that's probably part of the reason we're so close. That, and the fact that our mom is fucking nightmare. Isaac is more defensive of her than I've ever been, but that comes down to my being on the sidelines. Our dad died when we were young, a car accident that just wiped him off the planet in the blink of an eye. We don't remember him, but our mom does. She was a wreck, if you'll pardon the pun. I'm sure to outsiders she seemed like she was coping admirably, but behind closed doors she would spend whole days in bed, leaving Isaac to fend for the both of us. He walked me to school and made me dinner. He forged mom's signature on school reports. For years he was the stable figure in my life, and honestly, it got worse. His stepping in pissed mom off, I think because it made her feel guilty and she couldn't cope with that. I remember one time, the worst time, when she lost her temper with him... he was making me a bacon sandwich for dinner, whilst she was on her twelfth glass of wine, watching the TV with those glazed eyes. A typical evening, really. I remember I'd had a craving for bacon and I'd begged and begged for him to heed my request, and obviously he relented. But for the first time in forever, mom took an interest. That amazing smell of bacon wafting through the house must have roused her, and she came into the kitchen, a glass of wine still clasped in one hand. She was angry before she even found an excuse to be. Isaac was eleven at the time and had filled the pan with too much oil, and this enraged her, she started screaming about wastage and how ungrateful we were and how a bacon sandwich wasn't a meal and honestly, I was crying my eyes out, she was so scary and worst of all, Isaac was so nonplussed. I'd never seen her like that before, but it was obvious from his face that he had. Thirty minutes later and we were in A&E, Isaac sitting quietly with a nasty burn on his arm. She'd flung the pan so vigorously into the sink that hot oil had gone everywhere, including Isaac's arm... he got his first tattoo over that burn, but you can still feel it if you run your fingers across his arm. I love my big brother, and nothing makes me happier than knowing he's escaped.' ________________________________________ ________________________________________ Zelda was my saviour. That's a big word, and I'm not using it lightly. Things with my mom were never smooth sailing. She was sick, and it was important to me that Ella shouldn't suffer for it. So I spent a lot of my childhood and even my early teenage years at home, and if it hadn't been for Zelda, I'd have lost my fucking mind. She didn't care that my weekends weren't free, or that I always had to go and pick Ella up from wherever she was. She didn't care about how withdrawn I was, or how defensive I got about my family. I nearly always needed a haircut, I was late for school every day, I had weird packed lunches and I could never go on school trips... she didn't give a fuck, even though she was perfect and beautiful and loved, so obviously well loved. It's a different world when you're not. You see everything very differently. Zelda was light and love and lived life in technicolor. You'll think of her as being some bubbly cheerleader type when I say that, but it's deeper than that. She can be cynical and she's genetically a goth, all pale skin and dark hair. But spend an hour with her and you'll see something different, a passion for life that can't be put into words without sounding trite. She really did live for the moment. She was my prozac, easing my constant nerves and bringing me into the present, when all I used to do was worry about the future and regret the past. No one's had more influence over me. I can categorically say that without her, I wouldn't be the person I would be today. And in a way, she brought our estrangement upon herself. Without Zelda I couldn't imagine a world without my mom and Ella and endless fucking hot Texan summers. The rest of the world was as real to me as the moon: I knew it existed, but I'd never visit. But my mom got married and became step dad number 1's problem, and suddenly in my mid teens I had all this freedom I didn't know what to do with. Z and I spent that summer completely together, just the two of us, no chores or dramas, just peace. It was the best summer of my life and I loved her so much, I was determined that we should see the world together. Then my mom got divorced. She'd had two more children with her new husband, and at ages two and six months, she couldn't cope with their demands. It brought her right back to where she'd started, and again it fell to me to step in, to feed and bathe and clothe my half-siblings. Ella was old enough to help by this point, thank God. But it was hell. Being older and having had a taste of freedom, I couldn't cope with being lumbered with my mom's obligations any more, and Zelda was getting understandably frustrated with the situation. So I left. Poor Ella, I was such a fucking asshole to do it to her, but even to this day she congratulates me. I was already two years into college so I bunked up with someone there... I also left Zelda behind. It would have been such a strain to stay in a long distance relationship, even though I was only studying in Austin... Look, I just couldn't go on. Zelda was too much a part of the life I was desperate to shake off, and I needed her too much, I was too dependent. It felt like I was being brutal at the time, calling things off like that. But I look at how well she's doing now, and it's obvious I was holding her back. ________________________________________ "Ah, Isaac. I have four children, Isaac is the oldest and my only son. He looks so like his father. Donnie was the love of my life, and losing him so young was the worst thing to have ever happened to me. Not a day goes by that I don't miss him and wish he hadn't passed. Unfortunately, Isaac is like him only in appearance. Donnie was immensely caring about others, and he treated me like a princess even after all our years of being together. Isaac, by contrast, is very selfish. He always has been. I struggled terribly without my husband, and Isaac was always nagging me about something or other. He had no respect for my grieving process. I don't think he cared at all that his father had died so horribly. He even turned Ella against me, and even now she speaks to me with such venom that it would be shocking if I weren't so used to it.  All I ever wanted for my children was the comfort of family, but Isaac has ruined that for us. He ran off to New York to stay with his cousin Jerome, I had to ask my brother for the address. Imagine that, abandoning us! As I said, he's always been selfish, so I wasn't entirely surprised. What did surprise me was that he left behind that girlfriend of his, even after years of talking about nothing but her. Evidently even she couldn't spur him to consider the feelings of others." ________________________________________ your name lex. play-by marty westmoore. member group  resident.