alcott, tara r.

[tara scott]

full name Tara Ray Alcott date of birth 12.04.91 (23) home town Pegram, Tennessee current city New York education some college occupation Secretary ________________________________________ Daddy’s a lot of things. But of all those, the two most important are my best friend, and the beginning of an anxiety ridden life. My earlier memories are of him working his way up to Chief, and the anxiety came shortly after. We weren’t allowed to watch that sort of thing on TV (or much TV at all), but when Anna and Harper would turn it on when our parents fell asleep, I was always watching in the distance. The way these shows made it seem, you’d think that at lease one police officer was killed a night! So then came the waterworks, every time he left for work, a million and one ‘I love you’s’ just in case. Him and my mom had no idea where it was coming from, until one night they caught us down in the TV room. It took me a few years to realize that Pegram County was little to nothing like the streets of LA, New York, Chicago, etc. Even after I realized that though, the anxiety started coming from other places. My mom running late to pick us up from school, Harper not answering her phone, Cash’s Football game, head injuries are serious! When dad was promoted, I was twelve.. I didn’t realize the changes came about in the house then, all of the ones I heard Anna and Harper complain about, but looking back it was clear as day. He was Chief of Police, which meant all sets of eyes from Pegram were on us. We had earlier curfews than any of our friends, but we were always the most respectful at town gatherings. We had manners better than our parents friends, and we sat front row at church every Sunday. It was all we ever knew. We were always ‘the girls’. It was a package deal, and I think we all spent at least a few years hating it. Anna couldn’t go anywhere without Harper, I couldn’t go anywhere without Georgia. Georgia wanted to go with Harper, Harper wouldn’t be caught dead with her little sister. I’d beg Anna to let me go to the movies with her.. you get the picture. It was hand me downs and hormones galore. Despite the every single morning fights over the shower, there was more good than bad that came with it. Always a closet to raid, a shoulder to cry on, free boy advice, and Harper the Great to the rescue when the girls in grammar school weren’t nice. We got good at lying for each other, or I got good at lying for Harper. She was always going against mom and dad’s wishes. Sneaking out her bedroom window to meet her boyfriend of the week, dancing dirty at the school dances.. do you know how much anxiety that gave me? I’ll never forget being called down to the office early my sophomore year of high school. That never happened, not once in my whole life. We were always to meet at the first stop sign on the right, and walk directly home together. But as I made my way around the corner, Anna and Harper were there already, and to my surprise, my Aunt Bess in tears. This would be the first time Georgia wasn’t there with us. She said she had felt sick that morning, which didn’t seem out of line, it was the first of the winter chill coming.. one of us was always sick then. I figured she’d be there when I got home. And in a way she was, being rolled from the front door in a body bag. Cash Jackson. Have you ever heard a more stupid name? I’m not just saying that because I’m bitter. I’m saying that because it’s thee most ridiculous name I’ve ever had to say in my life. We met in 7th grade. Can you believe that? He asked me to be his girlfriend at the park after school, we had our first kiss behind his parents wood shed, in 8th grade we were junior homecoming king and queen. We grew up together, went through each and every awkward phase together. He was always cute, of course I’d think that. But high school came around, and every passing day did him well. JV quarterback helped, eventually first string varsity quarterback. Though it wasn’t me who needed any extra convincing, just the rest of the girls at school. He caused a lot of problems for me the older we got, the more I had girl or another hating me, the more I got ‘you only made the squad because Cash is your boyfriend!’ But of course, there came Harper the Great, always to the rescue. I remember the night he told me was going to join the Air Force. We were in the pack of his dad’s pick up truck, in the middle of our schools field. They’d won the play-off game that night, and daddy told me I could stay out til midnight to celebrate. Speaking of, daddy loved him, which made it easier for me. And he loved him too. They’d round about in the fields, shooting Grandpa’s WWII shotguns, shoot the shit for hours. But anyway.. he was dead set on it, the stars in his eyes couldn’t even compare to the thousands that perfectly filled the sky that night. There was nothing I could say to stop it, and to be fair, I didn’t want to. We made all of our plans that night. He’d go off to training after graduation, all the way in California, and I’d go to community college for a year. When that year was over, I’d move to the base, we were going to get married somewhere in between, and go from there. It didn’t matter what I wanted to do. Because I wanted to do what Cash wanted to do, which is probably why seven years later, I still don’t know what I want with my life. Cash stuck to our plan. The day after graduation, and he was on the whole other side of the country. I began at Pegram Community, just focusing on all of my gen ed courses partially because I didn’t know what I wanted to do, and partially because I knew I’d be married within a year. Well, thought. And then came the drunk phone call, him in tears, telling me he’d met a girl at a bar, and took her home the night before. The worst part is how willing I was to stay, to give up anything I could ever want and make that move, and try to fix a problem that wasn’t mine, and he told me no. Ready Set Roll, Chase Rice Leave The Night On, Sam Hunt Dirt, Florida Georgia Line I Don’t Dance, Lee Brice Day Drinking, Little Big Town Songs About A Girl, Eric Pasley Bartender, Lady Antebellum Somewhere In My Car, Keith Urban BBQ Stain, Tim McGraw Give Me Back My Hometown, Eric Church Sunshine & Whiskey, Frankie Ballard Stay, Florida Georgia Line Not Ready To Make Nice, Dixie Chicks Drunk Last Night, Eli Young Band I think I like being sad. I think I like having anxiety. This can’t be normal. New York sucks. Everyone said the people would be rude, but I don’t think it’s that, they’re nice in their own way. It’s just so loud. But they have good food. No good fried chicken. But good other stuff. I need to stop going on four dates a week. That’s not normal. I miss home. Can’t a girl just get in her car and drive somewhere here? Georgia would 21. I wonder what she’d be doing. My number just went from 1 to 6. In a matter of a month. I need to remember my standards. My standards: respectful, opens the fucking door for me, doesn’t use the ‘f’ word as casually as I just did, brown hair, loves his mama, went to college, doesn’t have a crazy track list, is a good guy. Is that impossible to find? Annamay named her daughter Casey. What kind of name is Casey? I don’t like waitressing. I like being a nanny. I can’t be a nanny forever. ________________________________________ your name lexa play-by tahnee member group resident