ASTAIRE, julia l

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my name is julia lily astaire, i was born on febuary 2, 1996 in sacramento california. i grew up there. i'm five foot seven, one hundred and twenty-two pounds, and a natural blonde. i go to columbia university.. sort of, i don't know what i want to do with my life. my favourite lip stick is spice lip liner by mac, my favourite animals are rabbits, i prefer dusk over dawn but i hate goodbyes. when i'm happy i like to listen and make up dance moves to total eclipse of the heart. when i'm sad i listen to dancing in the dark by bruce springsteen. i can fall asleep anywhere but i can't snap my fingers. ....................................................... my mother has always been relatively quiet when it came to her past, she never did like to disclose much so i knew very little. i was always told that she was an only child, that her mother passed away when she was two and her father died while she was in college. what she told me was partially true, but it obviously left me asking questions which she was never able to answer. but this year when she developed alzheimers, i learnt a bit more. while i was enlightened, and it helped me to understand more, the truth made me hurt for my mother. her mother did die when she was two. she doesn't remember her mother, she speaks very little. her sister, iris, was seven years older than her. she ran away from home when she was sixteen and she hasn't seen her since. her father was the victim of a hit and run incident when my mother was in college. she told me that, "he had it coming", i didn't get that until a few weeks later when she started to forget i was her daughter and recognizing me as iris. i used to think i'd felt heartbreak. between lost friendships, relationships, even failed tests. but i don't think i truly felt it until my mom retreated back to her nine year old self and cried into my lap. cried that he was hurting her, crying for me to take her with her, to take her to california. or when my adolescent mother cried, "why did you leave me"  when i came down for breakfast one morning.. or when i slipped on my shoes to have her peaking from around the corner, whispering, "will you come back?" once i found her in the closet shaking, then i held her hand and stroked her hair. when i look at her now i know i'm not julia anymore and that stings, but it hurts more to know what my mother's kept locked up all these years. ............................................. ............................................. Hi Julia, We're so glad to hear that you're considering returning to Columbia University's architecture program and would like to offer admission for the Winter 2016 semester. Should you accept, you must do so by December 7, 2015. The academic fee of $25,440 is due in full by January 15, 2016. We look forward to hearing from you, Sydney King, Columbia University Admissions ............................................. i dared him to eat a worm and he said, "no, you first", so i did. i still feel the grit between my teeth and i can still see horror in his face - i thought he was impressed at the time. he never ate that worm and he knew me as "the girl that ate worms" for about three years. when i was seven i made him watch "spirit, stallion of the cimmeron" with me twice in a row. he probably hated it.. no, he definitely did. ten. we gave each other cootie shots after accidentally brushing lips during a heated game of tag. fourteen. those shots proved ineffective after i went to semi-formal with chad cooke. i was supposed to go with dash but bailed when chad asked. i'm an idiot. seventeen. i invited his girlfriend to the salon to get our eyebrows waxed after school. they waxed her eyebrows into skinny tadpoles like i knew they would. it's horrible how good i felt after that. eighteen, i moved to new york. i didn't forget about him, i just ignored them. nyc was exciting, it was new and it was the best situation i could have been in. nineteen. everyone gets sick except me. life's hard and i'm crying a lot. dash is too skinny and his face is ash, but he's holding me up. i'm not deteriorating and i don't really deserve to cry about my life, but i'm a bad friend so i do.

ciara . hanna . student