CALLAHAN, Dane M.

[Deleted]

My name is Dane Matthew Callahan, sometimes better known by my (totally dumbass) Youtube handle, danenotcook. I'm twenty-two and I was born and raised in Los Angeles, California. I'm an engineering student but Youtube has taken over my life, I'm thinking of quitting school altogether. Things people know me for: my homosexual affection for Cillian McAllister, my on-off relationship with reality TV star Annie Scott, and having porno parents. Not sure which is worse. ....................................................... ....................................................... "DON'T THINK. THINKING IS THE ENEMY OF CREATIVITY. IT'S SELF-CONSCIOUS, AND ANYTHING SELF-CONSCIOUS IS LOUSY. YOU CAN'T TRY TO DO THINGS. YOU SIMPLY MUST DO THINGS." ....................................................... DANE CALLAHAN | TWENTY-TWO | YOUTUBE PERSONALITY GRIFFIN CALLAHAN | TWENTY-SEVEN | INVESTMENT BROKER LUCAS CALLAHAN JNR | TWENTY-NINE | SURGEON "Broadly speaking, the boys seem to be three of a kind. Confident, prone to taking life less seriously than they probably should, and all ambitious and accomplished in their respective fields. But if you take a closer look at those fields, basic differences begin to emerge... Lucas, our doctor, is more symapthetic than Griff and Dane. He has a sensitivity they lack, though he does everything he can to hide that from them-- understandably! Then comes the banker, Griffin. Griff is so charismatic he could talk himself out of anything, and frankly I'm glad he works in finance and isn't a professional criminal. Or is that the same thing? Then there's the baby, Dane. He would hate that joke. I can just hear him now - "Bankers = criminals, killer satire there, mom!" Dane is our engineering student turned internet sensation (he'd hate me saying that, too). As much as I disapprove of most of his internet endeavours, it does seem to be a better fit for him than engineering, as he's always been the more creative of the three. Thinking about Dane brings only four words to mind, and forgive me for their lack of maternal euphemisms: he's a little shit. Of course I mean that affectionately. He's cocky, narcissistic and brainy enough to get away with it. His father in miniature. However, like his dad, I believe he's a good man under all that bravado. He's lived a charmed life, one day he'll get a reality check and it'll be good for him. Until then he's my baby, so I'll forgive him all his misdeeds. Well, all but Annie Scott." ............................................. YOUR NUMBER ONE SOURCE FOR ALL THINGS DANE CALLAHAN Hey everyone! So sorry this post took me so long to get up, but it took me a while to drive back from the meet and greet and I was a bundle of adrenaline and for a sec I thought I deleted my iPhone notes with all his answers on lol. But don't worry, I've got them!! Dane was so nice, he sat with me for like fifteen minutes answering all the questions you guys sent me. I snapchatted most of them, but in case you missed that, here they are written up... Dane, do you read fuckyeahdanecallahan? Of course I do! I made a tumblr just to follow it. Don't thank me, it comes down to unabashed narcissism on my part. Thank you guys for collecting everything in one place - stops my mom from having to do it herself. NY or LA? Oh man, LA over and over. It's home. I miss the sunshine like a motherfucker, and I'm the baby in my family, so my mom spoils me like crazy whenever I'm home. Are you close with your mom? People think I must have had this really chilled, bohemian upbringing, what with my parents both working in the adult industry. But my folks are really old fashioned, stupidly old fashioned. My mom cried when my brother got his girlfriend pregnant out of wedlock, even though they'd been dating for like a decade! She was never the type to pretend to be the cool mom, which is just as well, 'cause all my classmates liked to tell me how much they jacked off to her on the regular and I'd have had to kill myself if she indulged the attention at all. I'm still not answering your question, am I? Sorry! At school I really resented her, but now I'm over it. She's a great mom, we're real close. Which of your videos is your fave and least fave? Ummm... favorite is the one where Mykie from Glam & Gore transformed me into Venom from Spider-Man, that was sick. Least fave... any of my early ones, take your pick. So embarrassing. Probably one of the ones where I was ripping on Next Door to the Nathans, those are all a little obvious. Do you think you'll drop out of college and pursue Youtube full time?  Fuck, you're gonna land me in trouble with my mom! All I'll say is yeah, that's a possibility. I'm so nearly done though that it'd probably be a dumbass decision on my part. I'm not the kind to peddle t-shirts or pretend to drink detox teas, so I probably don't make enough to go full time forever. Finally, is it true that you and Annie are engaged? Did my mom send you these questions? Listen mom, I'm not confirming or denying anything. Bring back my allowance and I'll consider looping you in. ............................................. ............................................. "Hey guys, it's Immi and I've got a storytime video for you today! Yay, right? This is my most requested video ever, and to be honest I was kinda wary because as much as he deserves to be outed, I'm not a negative person and I reaaaally don't need his fans - like, I know some of you guys are his fans and that's fine, by the way! I like his videos too, I just kind of hope that one day he gets castrated and someone snaps it to me... but yeah. Anyway. I actually asked Dane for his permission to do this and he said I could go right ahead, which is why I'm not changing his name. It'd be dumb to anyway, anyone who follows me on Twitter or Instagram (details in the description box!) already knows we dated, so yeah. Please don't hate me guys, this is literally just something that happened and I'm over it, he's over it, it's fine. But you guys asked for it, so here you go... Dane and I met at Vidcon.. umm.. 2014? Yeah, 2014. I'd seen his videos and he pretended he'd seen mine, which was cute of him, 'cause like... no you fucking haven't Dane, why would you be watching videos on how to do the perfect winged eyeliner in your spare time? But yeah, like anyone who's met him will tell you, he was hella flirty and friendly and was cracking all these jokes, complimenting me all the time and whatever. Honestly I didn't think anything of it at the time, 'cause like I say, he's that way with everyone so I had no reason to think he meant anything by it, y'know? Anyhow, we swap details and he promises to text me and whatever but l wasn't really expecting him to. So you can imagine my surprise when I get back to the hotel and he's already texted me, right? Like if I didn't think he was so cute it'd be almost creepy, right? But yeah like I liked him, so it was fine, whatever, his text said we should go for dinner and I was still a little wary, 'cause I know a couple girls who've met him and like he's complimented them too but yeah, I said yes and we went for this really nice meal at this sushi place and he was so funny and nice and not even slightly assholey. Dane's got this way about him that even though he's openly self obsessed and clearly cocky as hell, he still makes you feel like he's listening to you and that you're special. God, that's so cringe to say, but it's how I felt at the time. So that was the start of things, but it was the end too. At least I thought. So I get back to New York, right? And I still can't really believed we had this amazing date, but it was no big deal, I wasn't really expecting to see him again. Anyway, one of my girlfriends sends me a link, and she's all 'you're not gonna like this Immi', so obviously my heart is like through the floor at this point. Turns out it's an article from People, and Dane had gone from the convention to Vegas, where he'd married someone I don't even need to name. Like honestly at this point it was more of an eyeroll reaction, right? Like of course he did. Whatever. I chalked the whole thing up to being one of those nice nights and I congratulated myself on dodging a bullet. Ok. Fast forward to April last year, and it's all over TV that they divorced back before Christmas and my friends are like still joking about it and everything, when I get this text. Guess who. Of course! He texts me out of nowhere, critiquing my last upload with his dumb fratboy humour like nothing's happened. I was kinda curious so I texted him back, but obviously I was wary. Anyway, he begs me for weeks - literal weeks - to go to dinner with him, and finally I say yes. I won't lie guys, as soon as I saw him all those butterflies came rushing back and lord, I was taken for a fool all over again. But for the first few weeks he was so lovely. We'd spend every spare moment together, and maybe this is TMI, but I'm kind of a prude when it comes to new guys and he honestly made me feel totally fine about that, which is weird, because now I can honestly say I think he's a sex addict. Well, it wasn't that weird, obviously he was getting it someplace else. Anyway, at the time he was the perfect boyfriend, super doting, super loving, always there for me. Don't get me wrong, he wasn't perfect perfect - on the rare occasions he wasn't so pumped up with energy that he was grating on my last nerve, he would be super moody and difficult to be around. There wasn't really an in between with Dane, but he made me feel pretty and special and god, don't make fun of me, but I really thought we were in love. Fast forward to November. Dane's got lots of popular friends and he's always off with his frat buddies or his socialite crew, so he says to me that he's going on a ski trip with a bunch of LA kids and do I want to go. Obviously I have school and I'm not made of money and honestly, I just didn't really want to be there and be Dane's awkward girlfriend, you know? So I told him to go. At first he's texting me all the time, saying how much he misses me... then they get snowed in, and he's texting me like crazy saying how bored he is. Then suddenly nothing. Not a peep. No snaps, no liking my Instas, not a word from him. I figured he'd lost signal or whatever... then I notice he's posted a story. Lo and behold, y'all, it's him in bed, clearly in his boxers, clearly all tangled up with... drum roll please... his ex wife. I deleted him from every platform I had him on and we've barely spoken since."

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