RADLEY, ROSCOE L.

[Deleted]

"Roscoe was born in Melbourne, Australia on the 14th February, 1989. My little Valentine's baby! His father and I had been trying for a baby for so long and he was our little miracle. Gosh, I can't believe that was 27 years ago. How things change. Up until the age of twenty he was our sports star, a Ruckerman for the Richmond Tigers. Then there was that terrible accident, we honestly weren't sure he'd walk again, so it was a miracle that all he had to give up was sport. His dad got his mates to sort him a job with Apple, seeing as his tech is vital to what they do... I think these days his full title is 'Business Development Director, Consumer Channels, Australasia'. He says BD Director for short. As much as it's a dream job, I wish he wasn't so far from home. Living in Los Angeles means I never get to see him, and sometimes I think little Alexander is going to forget all about me." -- CLAIRE RADLEY, MOTHER      .......................................................................................... and this cunt: BEST FRIEND  |  GODFATHER TO MY SON   |  NUMERO UNO  "Me and Radders go all the way back. All the way back to '94! He's been my best mate since forever, we grew up round the corner from each other, went to the same schools, crashed the same parties, sometimes shared the same girls. When I say I'd trust that bloke with my life I really, truly mean it, he's the most loyal cunt going. Admittedly he's really a terrible cunt, but by god, a lovable one. He's changed heaps over the years, ol' Coco, but I always knew he had it in him to be a good guy. We both did, though our teachers would never have said as much. See, I came from a pretty different family to him. In a word: povvo. Unlike Roscoe, I was one of seven and my parents were never crazy about me... boohoo, I know, poor me! But I basically grew up as an honorary Radley, and lemme tell ya, they really did put the 'Rad' in Radley. I'll let you have that one for free. So yeah, Roscoe is pretty much my brother, and there's not a soul on this earth that knows him better than I do. Sure he's an arrogant sonnuva, but you've gotta admit, he's got reason to be - good job, good girlfriend, great kid... he's got a real #blessed life. Back in the day he'd never let you forget how good he's got it, but these days he's better at quietly appreciating it. Luna helped there. I hate to admit it since I hated her at first, but she was the best thing that could have happened to him. In school Ros and I had been boisterous types, loud and aggressive and alright, alright, maybe we were bullies too. Only ever kids who deserved it though! We didn't go round picking off the weak ones like sociopaths, just the ones who'd wronged us, or maybe pissed us off a bit... anyway. We weren't great. Like I said, Ros was his own biggest fan, and being a big footie star didn't help that one iota. Even I started getting sick of his shit. But then the accident happened, and then Luna (affectionately referred to as accident #2 by yours truly), and really, he's been a good man since. She saved him. That baby saved him." .......................................................................................... You know what the worst thing about having a serious girlfriend is? Her family. At least if your serious girlfriend is anything like mine. You know when people are speaking a different language around you, but it's still obvious they're talking shit about you? The handful of times I've met the Castillos that's exactly what's happened. I don't know what I did! I mean, I'm an asshole, no one's disputing that. But I usually get on with my girlfriends' families. It's not too hard to put the asshole-ishness on hold, to wheel out a bit of the old charm... probably helps that they don't understand a word of my accent and I don't understand a word of theirs, they talk so damn fast. But really, I think it comes down to me not being good enough for Luna, and whilst that's debatable, I don't think they'd think anyone was. Maybe they don't get the whole Luna the way I do. Sure she's a solid worldie, a ten, the sexiest girl I know. She's funny and sharp and she's nothing like some of my friends' girlfriends, who're all needy, clingy and total dumbfucks. But she's a fucking nightmare when she wants to be. She's a champion sulker, she nags me about work - I mean seriously, how can someone who makes money off Youtube tell me how to do my job? - she withholds sex, she has a total deficit of a sense of humour sometimes. Just sometimes. I get that it's hard for her with Xander, but she doesn't get how hard it is for me too-- I don't want to be a seventeen hour flight away from him, and it kills me not getting to wake up to him every morning. Lu's like that, totally set in her own viewpoint. But man, she's the most amazing woman I know. I've never seen strength like it, and not just in that she could beat the shit out of most blokes way. From finding out she can't have kids through to now, she withstands everything life throws at her without so much as flinching... she's a badass. Probably comes from being Columbian. When she comes down on me she comes hard (hahaha!), but I always deserve it. When things are good with us it's the best thing I've ever experienced, and when they're bad they're still pretty good. I love her, I just wish everyone would shut the fuck up about getting married. We're perfect as we are. .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... QUESTIONS FREQUENTLY ASKED BY LU'S FANS →  How long have you and Luna been together? We're coming up to our seventh anniversary. Jesus, this is officially the longest relationship I've ever had by four years! → Where did you meet? The gym. She won't admit it but I used to catch her looking over after as she worked out, to see if I was watching her. Obviously I was. → When did you realize you were in love with Luna? Woah now, someone's not holding anything back! Honestly? Probably this time I was super rude to a waitress and LuLu didn't speak to me for two weeks after. I'd been a real asshole and I appreciated her putting me in my place... eventually.  → What are your tips for a successful relationship? Aim to meet someone who's good in ways you aren't, and vice versa. It's nice to better each other. Never forget to laugh, and the classic - don't go to bed mad.  → How do you feel about Luna's Youtube success? I'm so proud of her I made an account just to comment 'THAT'S MY GIRL' on everything she uploads. Multiple times.  → How much taller than Luna are you? Over a foot. I really hope Alex didn't get the short ass gene. → What's Luna's best quality? Uh, physically or what? Physically, that bod. She works damn hard for it. Not physically... probably how hard working she is, Luna puts her heart and soul into everything she does. → What's Luna's worst quality? She thinks all Australians sound the same and always begs me to do my Mr G impression. → Why aren't you and Luna married yet? Ah shit, is that the time? Gotta run. Thanks guys, always a pleasure catching up with you - like and subscribe, when Lu hits her next milestone I'll definitely be getting laid! ..........................................................................................     5 BEST THINGS ABOUT BEING A DAD 1. Hearing him laugh. 2. Truly unconditional love. 3. Having someone to care about more than myself. 4. Hearing him say 'dad'. 5. Literally every second I get with him, so long as he's not shitting himself or screaming.     & THE 5 WORST 1. The pressure not to let him down. 2. The pressure to set a good example. 3. The pressure it puts on my relationship. 4. The pressure to give him every opportunity I had. 5. It's just a whole lotta pressure, alright?

lex (again), shaun hampson (again), resident (again)