aishavanburen.tumblr.com

[aisha van buren]

Q.     "Something you know you feel" how do you feel? People doubt you because it seems very one-sided. Even in that live stream it was Joe being the most affectionate, and whenever he mentions you publicly it's always so clear that he worships you, but wants to keep it private. You make everything public but don't ever actually express any obvious affection for him. Not hating, just explaining i mean it kind of feels like you are hating but whatever. joe and i are just different     TAGGED: ask

[aisha van buren]

Q.     You avoided the question. How. Do. You. Feel? not that i need to justify myself to strangers on the internet but ugh, whatever, here you fucking go-- i love him. i've always had a very decadent, indulged life, with nannies and chefs and maids, designer handbags and $500 haircuts and whatever shit i wanted for my birthday or christmas or just because. i was and am very bratty but it took joe for me to realize something that i know is obvious to everyone else: nothing is a substitute for being in love with someone who loves you back. money is great and financial security is a real privilege, but if i had to choose... joe's the only thing i consider vital to my happiness.     TAGGED: ask, he doesn't have tumblr, so please don't send this to him, honestly just please don't

[aisha van buren]

Q.     *posts pictures of ex* *posts videos with ex talking about your sex life* *starts beef with isaac* *milks joe for likes* "I love my boyfriend!!!!" NEVER FUCKING MIND THEN     TAGGED: ask

[aisha van buren]

Q.    OMG I wish my life was having Joey McCarthy as a bf and then Ellliot Stark as a rebound. You are like the luckiest girl on the planet!! posting this because it's the only nice one out of 500 messages... girl, I'm gonna tell you a secret: famous dick is still just dick.     TAGGED: ask, joe, personal, elliot, it's OVERRATED take it from me

[aisha van buren]

Q.    Why did you and Joe break up? You seemed really close in your Q&A. I cheated on him.      TAGGED: ask, joe, personal

[aisha van buren]

Q.    Is everyone in your family really, really, really ridiculously good looking? Yes.     TAGGED: ask, and that's the tea, personal

[aisha van buren]

Q.    Where did you and Joey meet? I've answered this before, but I have some time and a glass of wine, so I'll answer it again. Joe and I met at a music festival, one he was playing at. This was years ago and the band hadn't really "made it" yet, though playing at a festival is making it pretty good, no? I was with a group of friends, he was with a group of friends... we were hovering around each other, there was that static in the air of mutual acknowledgement, an awareness of each others' awareness, but we were both too awkward or proud to do anything about it straight away. He might have been too stoned. Eventually my friend started speaking to one of his friends and it started to feel awkward, us not talking despite the fact he must have seen me looking at him, the fact being I was looking because I thought maybe he was looking at me. In the end it all got too much and I said hello. I didn't say hello, actually. Last time I was asked this I said I opened conversation by gushing about his tattoos, a detail he disagrees with happening. It did happen, but I'm glad he's forgotten it. In truth I was intimidated by him, arrogant as fuck though I am, because boys like Joe don't take girls like me seriously. Boys like Chad, captain of the football team, take me seriously. Boys like Joe go for dark and mysterious, women who are intelligent but ready to chug a beer with the boys... His tattoos especially intimidated me, which is why I blundered my way through a compliment, cleverly thinking I could double bluff. Instead I tripped over my words and prompted the first thing Joseph McCarthy ever said to me: "what?"  Usually I'm a brazen person, but in that moment I wanted to die. A vision of him imitating me to his friends flashed in front of my eyes, the dumb teenage girl, fawning over his tattoos. A combination of shame and drunkenness almost had me dropping everything and running away, but before I could he smiled. My first Joe smile. A flash of dimples, perfect white teeth... finally my desire to be around him overtook my awkwardness, my need to see that smile made me act like a normal person. Or at least, my normal self. I cooled, I took a sip of my drink, I straightened up. "Who are you here to see?" I asked, as if this was a normal thing to say when you haven't even said hello. He reeled off some acts and I nodded along as if I knew them. "You?" he asked, and his tone made him sound genuinely interested. I wasn't really there to see anyone. Like a lot of teenage girls, I was just there to see and be seen. Joe did not seem the type to get that (I can now confirm that Joe absolutely would not get that) and so I said the only band I could remember my friends talking about, Cat's Cradle. That got me my second Joe smile, wider this time, reaching his eyes. I remember thinking I must have fucked up the name since he seemed so amused... but I was on a roll now, so I didn't let it go.  "What's so funny about that?" "Oh, nothing," he said, briefly catching the eye of someone I now know to be Isaac. "Just I heard they're shit live." "That sucks. Maybe I'll skip them after all." "No, don't do that. How will you know unless you see for yourself?" "Maybe I trust you." "Alright then, trust me. You should definitely make sure you catch them. Push to the front, get the full experience."  We talked a while longer, but his friends seemed eager to move on. I wasn't expecting him to say anything much, honestly, how many random conversations with strangers do you have at music festivals? I had gotten enough of a buzz from making myself talk to him to be fully satisfied with the interaction, and when he said he'd keep an eye out for me at the Cat's Cradle set I didn't think he really meant it. Still, when the time rolled round and I had forced myself to the front, I couldn't help but hope I'd see him and I couldn't disguise my disappointment when he didn't show up. At least, he didn't show up in the crowd. And that's how you land a boy in a band: by being an awkward dumbass. 💕     TAGGED: ask, personal, joe