APOSTOLOU, Athena E.

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athena eleanor apostolou  ,  twenty-six  ,  beautician  ,  mom __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ eddie - eddie is the best person in the world. honestly, the best. mother theresa would be jealous! i've never met someone who so clearly knows the difference between right and wrong, i don't think eddie has ever done anything bad in his life. it can be annoying, though. no one likes a goody two shoes, do they? well, i like him, i love him, so that's not true. he may be a nag, but he's our nag. i hope he forgives me one day. damen - i'm not ready to talk about damen right now. abbi - the baddest bitch! i love abbi with all my heart. if victoria was the heart of the group then abbi is the backbone, she's the fiercest person i've ever met. never takes no for an answer, never backs down from an opportunity to speak her mind... we're really different, but she makes me better. stronger. when i'm lazy or moping or i feel like i can't handle being a mom, abbi's there to tell me to shut up and get on with it -- all the while helping me with theo, updating my resume and keeping me company when i feel alone. all bark, no bite. matt - matt's a sweetheart too. a big dopey sweetheart. i think the others can get annoyed by him, and hey, so can i, but not as much. i don't care that he's a bum, and i find his stupid jokes funny. i don't even mind the incessant flirting. none of those things matter because he's so empathetic, it's like he's got a sixth sense for when i'm down. unlike abbi, or damen or vic, he never tries to fix my problems, doesn't come to me with advice or solutions. instead he distracts me, makes me laugh, makes me my favorite cocktails and tells me i'm pretty. i'd have lost my mind without him. victoria - when i said eddie was the best person in the world, it's only because he inherited the title from the original best. oh vicky, i miss you so much. i lost my role model when she died, and god, did i handle it badly. she was the most shining example of a human being, so full of love and kindness, you couldn't not be inspired by her. i still am. how could i have done this? i keep wishing i could speak to her, but she would never want to speak to me, not now. i wasn't worthy of her friendship. __________________________________________________ "I remember when I first kissed Athena, at a New Years Eve party my brother was throwing so many years ago. I remember that she tasted of cherry liquor, that she was tipsier than everyone else-- I didn't know then what I know now, that she's a lightweight. We had found ourselves stood on his balcony talking for hours, her chain smoking and me trying to work up the courage to kiss her, neither of us feeling the chill or noticing the time going by. We went for dinner the next day, and fell into a relationship quicker than I ever have before. I remember when Victoria died. It was a suckerpunch to everyone, but seeing Athena crumble made my heart break. We had been dating for over a year but I felt like a stranger to her then, as she retreated from me into the solace of her friends. I tried to understand, never let on that it hurt me that she felt she couldn't lean on me, figured it was their trauma to work through together. I remember a little over a month later, when she told me she was pregnant, all that worry turning instantly to joy. We were ecstatic.  I remember when Theo was born, premature but healthier than we expected. That was two years ago and I've barely gotten a full nights sleep since, but it's amazing how much you don't feel that, how much I forgave him and would have forgiven him anything because he was so perfect. I was so proud of Athena too, how well she took to motherhood. It was hard to believe that we had made this perfect little baby together. I remember finding out that we hadn't, that I couldn't. I remember the look on her face when I told her, a mix of shock and horror but one key element missing... she wasn't surprised. Not like I was, not the raw horror of truly unexpected bad news, but the cold horror of being caught out. If I'd had any doubts that she had cheated on me before (surely it was some mistake, or perhaps Theo was a miracle baby, maybe I hadn't been broken then), I lost them in that moment, staring at her as she stood gaping at me, the baby in her arms. His baby. I'll never forgive her, how could I?" __________________________________________________ irene apostolou's parenting philosophy - determinedly alone, to ask for help would be an admission of failure. chores are important to children. i want my child to be strong. distance is important to foster that strength. tough love is the best and most sincere love. i want my child to have as many opportunities as possible, school is essential. your child should have a healthy fear of you, you're a parent, not a friend. my daughter is too soft on theo. athena apostolou's parenting philosophy - i can get by with a little help from my friends. love is everything. i want my child to be kind. the best thing in the world is sleeping with him, having him close always. you can never have too many cuddles. i want my child to be whatever they want to be, and that doesn't mean they necessarily have to be great at school. your child should feel like they can tell you anything, you're a parent, their happiness needs to come above your judgment. my mom was too strict on me. __________________________________________________ "It's been three weeks since I found out. Three weeks of my hair falling out, my appetite disappearing and a headache that feels like it will never end. Three weeks of Danny alternating between glaring silence and outbursts of rage, asking me who Theo's dad is, screaming at me to admit that it's Matt. Matt! It's so stupid, but then Danny is an idiot. Did he think the man I cheated with would be spending so much time at our place, openly flirting with me as I flirted back? Could he not see the confusion on Matt's face whenever he treated him with hostility? No, it's never the ones you expect. No one would ever expect Damen. Eternally grieving, always giving, never griping Damen. Damen, who's been more of a hands on father than Danny ever was, not knowing how good a real dad he was being. Of course I didn't know either, though I would be lying if I said the thought hadn't crossed my mind when I found out I was pregnant... but Danny was so happy, we were all happy about something for once, and I didn't want to be the one to let everyone down. It was the only time I'd seen Damen smile since... you know. I didn't want him to feel guilty, I didn't want anyone to know what I did. So I pushed it to the back of my mind. How stupid can you be? How naive? What have I done? My son thinks of the wrong man as his dad, his real dad has no idea. I can't face Damen, though I don't have a choice in it, he's so fucking nice and he can't stop making himself available to Theo. Maybe he feels a biological tie he doesn't understand. Probably not, he's always been generous with his time, especially when it comes to kids. I don't know what to do. I've never felt so completely helpless, because I've never been so completely helpless. Vicky helped me through every problem I had in life, making the big ones seem small and the small ones disappear completely. She would know what to do... oh god, what would she say? She's so sweet, she wouldn't even be angry. That's what a saint she was. Honestly, I'm not surprised everything has turned to shit without her. Maybe it's time I packed up and moved away, I've done enough damage."

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