. only just begun

[athena mccarthy]

Athena smiles at his Jackass reference. She can't remember how many times she'd forced him to watch the show or the movies, but she remembers falling back on to him with laughter. "Do you remember when we tried to make our own Jackass?" A reckless Athena had convinced a logical Julian to push her down a small hill in a shopping cart and film it. "I still have that scar," she pushes the slit of her gown aside and finds the scar in the light, "look what you did to me. Forever disfigured." The joint sits between her fingers and she giggles gently, "I'm adding a little comedy. It's so dry in there. I wish I could hotbox the building." She alternates her attention between the joint and her drink, taking turns sharing with him. "What's the question again? 'Why' is so broad. I did a lot of things that you can ask 'why?' to."

[Deleted]

Stood outside in the warmth of the fireplace, he willed no one else to approach them. Memory lane was not a place he liked to go down with anyone, not even her, so the prospect of having to do so with some random school mate, or relative, was too much to contemplate. He offers a brief smile at her mention of them watching Jackass, reluctant to reminisce too much just yet - not until he'd had his answers. As she parts the fabric of her gown he can't help the little thrill he gets from it, her physical attractiveness only intensifying in the years since he'd known her. "I guess we both have scars, then." He leans against the wall, watching as she takes a drag. He shakes his head to the drink, aware that he's about five whiskeys ahead of her. "I don't think it would make anyone in there any more interesting," he said, taking the joint and having a long drag. He exhales the smoke slowly as she talks, unsure of exactly what it was he wanted answers on, though he felt he was owed something. "An easy one, then. Why would you invite me on?" He looked at her intently as he asked the question, willing her not to point out that was the point of the show. It was so obvious to him that he would never, ever do it, that it was akin to him asking her to hack a limb off with a Swiss army knife just for his entertainment. So why even ask? He doesn't clarify the question though, letting it hang between them as he braces himself for the response.

[athena mccarthy]

She's drinking too much and her finger tips are beginning to get numb. She bends over to prop her drink on a small coffee table. His comment makes her smile fade and her brows bow, she hadn't thought about her scars in a while. Athena's public personality was that of a very open person. She wore everything on her sleeve - or appeared like she did. Despite appearing this way, the blonde was protective of a few things. While she talked about her sex on the podcast, the intimacy of feelings and heartbreak were only given a slight bit of attention. The scars they shared weren't really discussed and they sat beneath the surface. She nods, agreeing that a little pot wouldn't help. It usually intensified a personality, rather than shaping a new one. "Oh," she listens to his question, her nostrils emitting a grassy cloud. "I really didn't want to. Something about you hits a little too close to home," she smiles thoughtfully, "but you made the most sense. You were the one who introduced me to sex, to love and to heartbreak." She can't help but lift her glass again and take a sip, her body feels fidgety. "I've had serious boyfriends on, but you're a little different than that, aren't you? I knew you'd never say yes though."

[Deleted]

Julian is acutely aware of how close they are to other guests. A plume of weed smoke hangs around them, a soothing scent that took him back to their teenage years... he resisted the reminiscing. Deciding against having another toke for the sake of keeping his resolution steely, he fishes out a cigarette from the inside pocket of his jacket. "Do you want this, by the way?" he asks, holding the lapel. Wasn't that what he was supposed to do, to drape the suit jacket over her shapely shoulders? He didn't really want to. The bowtie felt stupid enough as is, without the jacket he'd feel even more badly dressed. Putting the cigarette in his mouth, he lit it with a match, an affectation he had never quite brought himself to abandon. He listens to her answer intently, a small frown on his face. Scratching at his stubble, he takes another drag, savouring the taste of the cigarette as he mulls it over. "No, I don't think I am different," he lied, exhaling heavily. "I don't think firsts mean all that much. I mean, the experience does. The person? I'm not sure." He's rambling now, something he only did when he was bullshitting. Julian might as well have put a hard hat and a high vis jacket on, he was so determined to construct a wall between them. "Like I remember my first cigarette, because I love cigarettes. I don't really remember who gave it to me, it could have been anyone." He paused, his eyes meeting hers. "It could have been you. I can't remember."

[athena mccarthy]

She shakes her head at his offer. A little while ago she would have said yes, but the mood seemed to have turned. Athena feels less playful and like her charm was useless here. Through the window she catches the eye of someone she actually knows and cracks a smile, her busy hands give a little wave. She'd left her phone in her coat, but she was sure it was buzzing with texts from Aisha urging him to drop Julian and join her. The blonde feels a little guilty that she's not spending more time interacting with guests and family, but she's sure that no one actually cares. Her parents were too carefree to make note of trivial things and were truly grateful that she showed up at all. "Well, that's what I'm talking about. The experience. Julian Buchanan - the experience," she mocks the deep voice of a broadcaster. She's annoyed by his stubbornness but tries not to let it show. The ice jingles in her glass and she knocks a good percentage of it back. "Wasn't me, I've never had a cigarette. I think it was just a guy at a bar," she notes like it matters. The cold bites at her bare back and her teeth softly chatter uncontrollably, "and you said you weren't going to be a buzzkill. You know you're different."

[Deleted]

Julian's eyes rest on her, trying to figure her out. Their years apart had been so hard for him. Athena was the main constant in his life for so long, someone who he knew deeply but who also knew him just as intimately. As a teen he had felt unbelievably untethered to his peers, outcasted on a molecular level-- Athena had saved him. Since their break up one thought had plagued him, and that was that maybe she hadn't known him that well at all, and that he hadn't known her either. If that were true, what chance did anyone have at love? Did anyone ever know anyone? As she speaks his heart freezes in his chest. He had provoked an emotional conversation he wasn't actually ready for, and the reality of the situation made him want to run. Shouldering his jacket off, he draped it around her shoulders despite the fact she hadn't asked for it, wanting to feel useful. Her chattering teeth were too much to bear. "It was Tripp," he admitted, remembering a time he and his brother hadn't hated each other quite so much. He wanted to tell her that he was full of shit, that it had meant the world to him, that he loved her still. But he couldn't. Instead, he smiled, a little sadly. "Yeah, I know. That's what makes everything you've done so fucked up."

[athena mccarthy]

Julian's jacket drapes over her like a cloak and she pulls it tighter, her smile showing gratitude. She feels the hurt in his voice and it makes her grimace. She knew he'd hate it the moment she started speaking of them, "you must think that I betrayed you." Part of her wants to seal him in a hug, to let him know that she honestly meant no harm. But physical contact feels impossible, and she's not sure if she meant her words to be innocent. So much of her conversation of them had focused on the end of their relationship and the end was terrible. She'd been bitter about getting pregnant and blamed him for a lot of that pain. The parts she had discussed were often the toxic chapters. She finishes her drink and sets it down for good. The joint still has a quarter left put she bends down to press it against the ground - she'd save the rest for later. "I don't think I have any words that are good enough for you," she admits, her hazy eyes focusing on him. "Honestly, Jules... I'm really high now and I.. well, I'm just," something takes control of her and makes her kick up a laugh, "oh, I'm sorry!" Her chest huffs and she reaches inside his jacket pockets, "really, puppy. I reallllly am."

[Deleted]

There's a stir amongst the throng of people he can see through the window, a gathering that denoted some sort of speech must have be on the brink of being spoken. He nods at the room as people nearby start to slip back inside, trying to draw her attention back to it. "Shouldn't you be in there?" he asks, cigarette smoke billowing from his lips. It felt good not to include himself in that, able to distance himself from this particular spectacle at least one tiny bit. The three core hosts were stood on a raised platform, Athena whispering to Cassius, Caesar beaming and nodding at people in the crowd. Julian wondered if there was such a thing as an awkward McCarthy. Even the seemingly rebellious Athena jnr was so obviously cut from the same cloth, statuesque and charismatic, good looking and warm. It really must have been the surname, because Aisha and Charlotte did not tick all the boxes - Aisha lacked the warmth, Charlotte the showmanship.  He takes another drag, hunching his shoulders slightly against the cold. He watches her as she tries to find words and fails to do so, her mind clearly foggy. Her delicate hands slip inside the pockets of his jacket and he's relieved it's new, as he tended to keep scraps of paper with little notes in his usual pockets, ideas he'd had for novels he'd never write. "It's ok Kitten," he says softly, easing into a gentler tone that only she had ever heard. Well, her and the ailing dog he'd saved from a roadside once, having barely survived a hit and run. He sighed deeply, unable to imagine her answering in a way that would have felt in any way satisfying. "You should probably take a few minutes to sober up before you go back inside, I have a feeling they'll be able to tell."

[athena mccarthy]

She turns to look into the window. Her relatives are smiling from ear to ear, and her aunt looks radiant as she sips her flute of champagne. "Maybe I should," she frowns as she contemplates this move, but ultimately the weight of her body gets the best of her and she slips onto the couch. Truthfully, the only person that would be disappointed was her cousin Aisha. This moment between Julian and Athena would come under high judgement by her younger cousin. Though Aisha was barely a teenager, the presence of Athena's past relationship still hung heavily in the minds' of her relatives. Julian and Athena had retained such a memorable status. So much so that her mother had vocalized her surprise over them never getting back together. Athena's hands are warmer in the silk pockets of Julian's jacket. She nods in agreement and her legs cross comfortably. "Did I mention that you look good?" Her full lips pull into a smile as she gazes up at him, her McCarthy features are mesmerizing even in her clumsiness. "You really got me, showing up like that. You could tell, right?" her mind is all over the place and her thoughts settle in odd places. "I didn't recognize you for half a second because of your beard. Then it clicked. You're handsome, you know that."

[Deleted]

Faced by the only woman he had ever truly loved, Julian was forced to face up to some home truths he had suppressed for years. Athena slumped onto the couch, her thick, glossy hair falling about her tanned shoulders, her full lips parted in a sigh. He had convinced himself that she was more beautiful in memory than she could ever be in flesh, but the truth was the opposite, she was absolutely breathtaking in person. It made his heart ache in his chest. Normally when he saw a pretty girl he desired her, imagined her naked and panting his name, but even with the memory to refer to that wasn't what crossed his mind when he looked at her. Instead she represented the broken promise of an escape. He had always thought they'd run away together, get out of this shallow world and live like normal people, in some humble house in some humble town. It made him profoundly sad to be where they were. Slumping next to her, he holds his half-smoked cigarette out for her. "Take a drag. I might as well be your first," he half-smiles, though he finds it hard to believe that she's truly never smoked before. He shakes his head as she talks, not wanting to have caught her out, though he knows that's how it must have seemed. Leaning back into the couch, his limbs are indued with a lethargy that makes him realize he is high after all. "Shh," he whispers, shaking his head. His looks had served him well over the years, but next to Athena he felt like an ogre. "If we hadn't grown up together you wouldn't have looked at me twice." He turned to look at her, a stupid grin on his face. "Though you were always telling me to grow a beard. I guess it took you dumping me and embarrassing me on an internationally acclaimed podcast for me to actually listen."