Post by Deleted on May 15, 2020 18:18:18 GMT
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 For a few months now I've been getting this recurring dream. Well, nightmare. Maybe it's not a nightmare. Anyway, it goes like this. It always starts with the alarm blaring in my ear. I roll over, groggy but not mad at being awake, and I have this sense that there's something I have to do... I reach out for a girl in the bed but she's not there, so I stretch and I heave myself up. I'm in a nice, suburban house, off white walls, lush green house plants, the whole deal. I go down these stairs and I can hear noise from the kitchen... suddenly I'm there, and I'm in a shirt and slacks, coffee in hand. Tara kisses my head and refills my cup, wishes me good luck with the big presentation and I hear myself saying words I can't ever imagine coming out of my mouth. I'm saying I better head in to the office early to prep, I'm suddenly wearing a tie, then I reach out and ruffle some kid's hair... and it's my kid, I know that instinctively. And I love him. He looks up at me and grins this gap toothed grin, he tells me I'm gonna kill it. Then I wake up in a cold sweat, usually in some hostel in Asia or an Airbnb in Europe. It's weird, the whole day after I get that dream, I feel this equal measure of relief and sadness. It's so clear, it feels almost real. But it's not, at least not for me. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - highlights from the last 6 cities i visited by riley mckinnon, the world's most legit travel blogger  - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  The older I get the more familiar I become with something I never once felt in my early twenties, and that's homesickness. I spent my teens fantasizing about moving to New York and making it as a bigshot attorney... getting into the NYU Pre-Law program was a literal dream come true. I was embarrassed by my dad's Bayou ways, I watched endless videos online trying to mimic other accents in the hope that no one would pick up on mine. I worried that I'd sound like a hick at college and I was right that it was noticed, there's certain things I'd say and all I'd get is people repeating it back to me in a super exaggerated way. What I forgot in all my worries was that I love attention, good or bad-- in the end I played my accent up as much as possible, I learned a little bit about tarot and told people my mom was a voodoo witch. Something I learned real quick is that in New York most people don't give a shit where you're from, 'cause they're not from New York either. Anyway. New Orleans. Why'd I ever leave? The more time I spend away the more I wonder. Sure the humidity can fill your lungs like they're stuffed with cotton wool, the smell of frat boy vomit is everywhere and the storms can be a bit much. But it's the best fucking place on Earth. Trust me, anywhere you can name, I've been there and NOLA's better. Bali? Overrated, no live jazz. Paris? Smells worse than Bourbon Street on the hottest day. In London and New York, you can pay what you pay for a Hurricane at Pat O'Brien's and just about get a half glass of orange juice. It's just the best, man. Best people, best vibes, best time. My younger self would die of embarrassment hearing me say this but for real, laissez les bon temps rouler. Can't wait to move back someday... but maybe not yet. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  "Riley has done a lot to disappoint me over the years. I know that sounds harsh coming from a mother, but please, don't feel sorry for the boy, I've tried my very best with him. I used to feel guilty about how I raised him, we never had much money and the schools he went to weren't the best, but we did what we had to do to keep our little family afloat. With me caring for Rhea fulltime, maybe I coulda given him more attention, but honest to god, attention is not something Riley needs more of. He had everything he needed to have a good life. He did well at school, he got into college. He was the first person in our family to go! He was always handsome, always running around with some new girl. He was a real charmer and still is, but it's hollow. I held out so much hope that he was a good boy squandering his talents but that one day he'd turn it around. When he started dating Tara I thought this was it, he was gonna be the man he was supposed to be. Then she got pregnant and-- oh, I can't bear to talk about it. I have never been so hurt, so disappointed in my life. I might not have been there as much as I coulda been but I never taught him to be like this, there's no excuse for being a deadbeat dad. It churns my stomach to think of my little grandson raised by someone else. Not that I blame Tara, mind-- she's more my child than Riley is these days. She did what she had to do, and I'm not sure either of us will ever look at him the same way again." - JENNA McKINNON |
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