, a drop evaporates

[joel marston]

Joel's fingers fumble with the buttons on his three piece suit, nerves meeting with inexperience as he tries to remember how to dress himself in something that wasn't sweats. It's a breezy sunny day, sunlight pooling on the floor as he clinks a glass of whiskey with his brothers, his best friend, his very soon to be father in law (who also happened to be his ex father in law). It felt so strange to wake up alone in the bed he had shared with Zelda for months now, a bed in a room in an outbuilding on her parents' ranch, every inch of the place imbued with bittersweet memories. It was a place he knew so well but was looking at with fresh eyes, seeing people here he never thought he would. "You look good man," he says to Desmond, unable to stop grinning. He puts a hand on his shoulder, giving it a squeeze. "Fatherhood suits you." It felt surreal to be seeing people at all, nevermind this mix of people in these outfits on this occasion. He had sworn he would never do this again, much less find himself here again before he'd even turned thirty. But with the exception of the in-laws, it all felt completely different, brand new. He shakes Mr Atwood's hand, his skin so course against Joel's. He thought of what Zelda must be doing right this very moment, surrounded by her sisters and mom and all the nieces and nephews. He polishes off his drink, nodding. "Let's get this show on the road, shall we?" he says to the groomsmen, his brother Cole slapping him on the back as they spill out into the afternoon sunshine, making their way across to the barn.

[zelda atwood]

"Zelda," her mother says, pressing an floral embroidered square against the tears that stain her eyes. "Honey, you look like sunshine," she says, her fingers brushing Zelda's dark baby hairs off the crown of her face. Zelda's watched her mother do the same to all her sisters, she's pretty sure it's even the same cloth tissue. But she smiles into her mother's eyes and squeezes her hand, "thank you, mama." Zadie shoves a glass of whiskey into her sister's hand, "drink this, fast." Zelda pours the drink down the shoot, "fucking fuck, Zadie." Each of her sister's seemed to have a duty. Zadie was making sure that Zelda was sufficiently wasted before swaying her way down the aisle. Zara was pouting around, putting the final touches on the reception. And Zippora buzzes about, making sure everyone's hands are filled with flowers. She places a bouquet of red and champagne flowers into Zelda's hands and gushes at her sister by holding her cheek, "God, Zelda! You're showin'us all up." Zelda looks into the mirror at her own face. She looks like herself, with the slightest bit of mascara and a flowy dress. "Well, Lorie," she takes the small hand of her 6 year old niece, "should we take the long way to the barn?"

[joel marston]

Almost everyone Joel could have prayed for was there, with the notable exception of his parents. Unwilling to let them travel during a pandemic, he had Leon promise to Facetime the whole thing, with a party promised for further down the line. But stood at the makeshift altar at the back of the barn, Joel can't help but be grateful for everyone before him. After the hardest year of his life, to see so many familiar, happy faces looking up at him... his heart felt swollen with love, the warmth of familiarity so intense after 2020. He fixes his hat, unable to his stop laughter at the ridiculousness of his new affectation. "Trying to fit in," he says to one of the many Atwood husbands, fidgeting, hoping his nerves weren't written all over his face. They were. Music stirs and the handful of guests stiffen in anticipation. It was strange how some things carried through, despite this being an unbelievably low key ceremony with as deliberately a low key atmosphere as they could manage. But they knew that this was the main attraction, that she was the main attraction. Everyone turned to look as the bridal procession started to filter through, Joel a beat behind them. The first bridesmaid to appear is Zofia and it's a relief, her smile mirroring the one spread across his face. Next is Zippora, one of her seemingly infinite children clinging to her dress, hindering her walk. Next comes Zadie, her dress characteristically altered to be as tight fitting as possible.. she gives him a wink and it almost makes him laugh. Knowing who's next, he glances down at his hands, realizing they're shaking.

[zelda atwood]

The tail of her skirt trails in the Texan dust and her blonde haired niece frantically pulls the hemline up, "Auntie Zelda." Zelda is in such a daze that it takes her a moment to pull her dress up off the ground, "oh!" It felt surreal to have such a happy day given the world's events. Everyone had really come together to make the Atwood Ranch their own private bubble, where for a moment the world's state didn't exist. Across the yard she could see Zippora lining all of the girls up and then looking around with her hand shading her from the strong sun. She can tell that her sister is trying to be patient as she doddles, but the hand on her hip gives her away. Her sisters begin to pour in and Lorie begings to have a meltdown about her big moment. Zelda bends down to level with her and brush her tears away and gives her an encouraging kiss on the forehead, "go on." When Loretta does move she races forward to grab onto her mother's dress. The violin lulls into a soft song and Zelda's eyes meet her father as she nervously sighs. She can hear the murmurs of the crowd as she makes her way in and for a moment she feels like her little Lorie, afraid of the attention of the crowd. But everyone else is forgotten when she looks up the aisle, and a big fat grin spreads across her face when she sees him. Her father pulls her into a hug and she kisses his leathery cheek, her hands pull away from his.

[joel marston]

The anticipation was palpable. Everyone, but Joel especially, was so keen to see Zelda that you would think she had just had a face transplant, not simply put on a white dress. Texas in January was perfect, cool, without the searing heat of summer but plenty warm enough to be outdoors. It was only in mid December, Christmas preparation in full swing, when Joel had pulled her against him in bed one night and whispered the proposal. Now here they were, his hands clammy and his heart ramming away in his chest as he prepared to marry the woman of his dreams. And she was a dream. As soon as he saw her the tears that had been threatening to fall started to do just that, though Leon was quickly in his face with a camera. "Stop," he laughed, wiping them away quickly on the back of his hand. He can't take his eyes off her, with a smile so wide it threatens to split his face. He kisses her on the cheek and everyone else melts away, his nerves enveloped in a warm rush of love for her and their life together. "You look beautiful. White's your color," he whispers, his hand falling to grasp hers a they faced up ahead.

[zelda atwood]

There's an aura of warmth in the barn. You could feel the fullness of hearts in the room, it wasn't just them that needed this. Their favourite and most important people huddled within the roughly sanded pews, their eyes glossy and faces beaming beneath their masks. In the foreground horses' either munched quietly on their hay, or stuck their heads out of their stalls to see what all the fuss was about. They were making their future in a place that was so deeply webbed in their past. Zelda looks up to his blue eyes and takes Joel's hand. She stands across from him, her face still beaming. "What is this?" she laughs, her fingers pulling the brim of his hat down and then back into place. Their people lose it at this, a ripple of laughter blows through the crowd. The pastor moves in and begins to start the ceremony. He remarks on how nice it is to see such a beautiful couple celebrating life in dark times. Her hands squeeze Joel's as he speaks, her eyes not leaving him and she takes in the moment with all her senses. Short but sweet is what she's told the pastor, but now she's completely lost track of what's being said. So much so that when he asks for an answer, she answer, "oh.. Pardon?"

[joel marston]

Even the presence of his ex wife couldn't distract Joel from the here and now. He knew that this moment would pass too quickly, that they'd be thinking back on this day fondly in no time, details fuzzied by time. So he makes an effort to commit them to memory; every caramel curl, her tanned skin against white lace, the scent of fresh cut grass and honeysuckle. Of course this was a ranch, but Zippora had gone to town lighting specific scented candles everywhere, saying that nothing brought back the memory of her own wedding day as powerfully as lighting that same candle. He was already grateful for the thought. There was so much to be grateful for, that was something that hit him harder than ever. He laughs, a laugh that reaches his eyes and stays there. "When in Texas!" He turns to the pastor. Everything he says is hackneyed but it sounds prophetic to Joel, every word ought to be etched in stone. He'd heard the vows so many times, even said them once before, but suddenly he hears them, understands every word in his very bones. Apparently he was the only one. Laughing, he glances at the crowd before he looks back at Zelda. "He's asking if you take this man, meaning me, to be your husband," he repeats, grinning. "I can take the hat off if it helps you decide."

[dolly weathers]

There's an ease with this moment. Everything had gathered together so quickly and naturally, that it felt stress free. Zelda was never the type to fuss over what her wedding day would look like, they weren't the type of dreams she'd had growing up. When it came to organizing this day, they took what they had at the farm and Zippora forced Zelda into adding to a Pinterest. Plus Joel managed to do his own research and watched old Westerns. So here they were. Joel under his cowboy hat and Zelda in a gown she'd had custom made in less than a month. Her tanned skin glows rosy and she grimaces with embarrassment. "No.. I mean no you can have the hat," she gives his hands a squeeze, "and yes, I do!" She laughs and leans in slip her arms over his neck and seals the deal with a kiss. Her cheeks hurt so much from smiling and when she breaks the kiss, she's still grinning. "I was just thinking.. I have to sign a new signature," she pecks his lips again, "Zelda Marston. How am I going to tackle that capital M?"

[joel marston]

The whirlwind of preparations had given everyone purpose. Both of their nieces and nephews had pitched in, tying wildflowers together with twine to make garlands. Her mom had cut Joel's extremely long hair back the night before, sat at her big country kitchen sink extolling all the marriage advice she could think of. Joel himself had made a particular effort to pitch in with ranch chores, knowing her dad would struggle to allow himself the day off otherwise. There was something so communal about it all, and something so healing about that. Laughter fills the room. They say their 'I do's, rings slipped on to fingers, her wedding band nestled against the engagement ring that he was still thrilled by the sight of. As she speaks his heart swells ever larger. "I didn't think you'd take it," he admits, his cheeks flushed. He reaches around her and gives her the biggest squeeze, lifting her up clean off the ground to kiss her. "Mrs. Marston," he says, ignoring the fact his brother's wife had claimed it years before. "It suits you." He turns to his guests, holding their linked hands like a victorious sports team might. "I love you all, now let's get drunk!"

[zelda atwood]

She looks up at him, her muddy eyes filled with such a deep love for him and for them. She didn't even think she'd get married, let alone take her partner's name. In the past she'd thought it was admitting defeat in independence, But now it felt harmonious and like they were coming together in unity. This man with his beautiful lips, weaving his stories into hers. "I sound like a woman's reckoning," she presses her lips against his and shies into the crook of his arm as the crowd cheers for them. Men surround the broken down Chevy in the yard. Before the ceremony, they'd filled it with ice and her father's drink of choice - Budweiser. It takes Joel and Zelda half an hour to make the minute long walk to the beer. As small as their guest list is, they all seem to make a point of pulling them aside to offer congratulations and marital advice. By the time they do get to the truck bed, she's ready to bury her head in ice. "Everyone said it's like that. But I don't know," she presses the lip of the bottle to the metal of the truck and pops the cap off. Cheers to... marriage? Do we have to cheers everyone?"

[joel marston]

She fits perfectly in the crook of his arm and he can't stop squeezing her against him. He smiles for as many cameras as he can catch, though it's hard to take his eyes off his new wife. Eco friendly confetti rains down on them, or as much as it can, thrown as it is by children who are barely waist height. Joel had never been particularly interested in the idea of marriage, getting carried away with himself as a younger man. But this felt right. Though he could never have imagined all these details; would have suggested getting married in a dive bar if pushed, doing his usual noir routine, this turned out to be just right. Who knew he was a cowboy all along? Finally finding a cold beer in his hand and an opportunity to talk to Zelda alone, he leans down and kisses her again. "Cheers to us. Let's take stock of our advice..." he pops the cap off his beer, clinking her's. "Never go to bed mad, that's fine, I can't stay mad at you anyway. Don't stop trying, well, after losing you I promise I won't make that mistake again. Grow together... I think we've done a lot of growing already. I think we've got this." He looks down at her, his eyes on hers. "I love you."

[zelda atwood]

She doesn't think she's seen Joel so happy for a while. He's really bursting with joy and it's contagious. For a while it seemed everything was so bleak. When they were apart, there was a dark emptiness that bled into the every corner of the day. But time apart seemed to have realigned them. The thought of losing each other and what they had, too scary and impossible of a thought to not work for what they had. She kisses him and takes a impressive chug of beer. She laughs at all the marriage advice, it's all so cliché. "'The grass is greener when you water it', that's what Grandma Mae said," she quotes an email from her grandmother who couldn't make it. She looks back up at him and gives him a kiss, I love you right back, every with that stupid hat."

[joel marston]

In some way he was glad that all his traumas were wrapped up in each other. Losing Schmidt had been the only prospect as horrifying as that of his relationship crumbling, so when the two had happened in tandem he had become a shadow of himself. But as hard as it was then, it was easier now. One dark chapter, neatly packed away as the worst year of his life. That there was a pandemic at the same time was just icing on the cake. Cliche though it was, the darkness that preceded only made today seem brighter. He feels light. "Who am I to argue with Grandma Mae," he grins. He takes the hat off as she mentions it, placing it on her golden head. "So, when we eventually can go somewhere, where are you thinking for a honeymoon? You name it, we can go. No limitations."