. don't stray

[Judith Haddock]

Judith and Lucas had never truly been alone. In the past, alone meant being in the treehouse in his backyard. Or wandering the woods, burying themselves in leaves and pretending they were wild bears hibernating. In their short adult relationship, alone existed in the slow moments at the cafe. Moments where she was split between wanting his attention or wanting someone to come in and break the tension. This roadtrip was opening her eyes to him. "Luke," she looks at him sternly, her hand reaching for his and firmly grasping it. "You need to stop with this 'I'm not good-looking' crap, because you know you are and it's very frustrating when you tell me otherwise. In my eyes you are," she breaks her hands from his and kisses her fingers, fanning them into a chef's kiss. Judith leans back in her seat, "I haven't been very sensitive to the fact that we were babies. Everything feels temporary when you're fourteen, of course you're going to date the prom queen."

[Deleted]

The tiny little windowless stockroom was the one spot they could be away from prying eyes, but that had been ruined when one morning, before opening, they had both been in there back to back and turned at the exact same time. In such a cramped space their bodies had pressed against each other, her chest against his, and that moment of intimacy had been so intense that they both awkwardly fell over each other trying to get out of there. Since then, they had made a real point of announcing every stockroom visit to each other, avoiding sharing the space at all. His mind starts to drift to that room, to the feeling of her body against his. His name sounds good in her voice, and her hand feels even better in his. He laughs, holding up his hands in surrender before taking another sip. "Okay, okay, if average guy is what does it for you, who am I to judge," he says, though his grin is back. "I'm telling you this despite the fact that it will probably make you think less of me, because I need you to understand my mindset at the time. I really, really, really wanted to see her boobs." He can remember it even now, how he lost all rationality just seeing her chest stretching out the t-shirt she intentionally wore two sizes too small. To a fourteen year old virgin ravaged by hormones, there was nothing in the world that could compete. "In my defence, they were good boobs. Not friendship ruining tier, but close."

[Judith Haddock]

"Woah woah woah," Judith slows him down, "easy." She's can feel herself getting more drunk and silly, "I never said you did it for me. Geez." Her pillowy lips crack into a grin and she laughs as he tries to explain his fourteen year old actions to her. It really does seem so silly years later. "I forgive you," she nods, the sting of wine hitting her tongue. She would never forgive Emmy, the girl who continued to bully her via the internet and in general used her looks for pure evil. But she could forgive Lucas, whose crooked smile did in fact 'do it' for her. "Remember when I said that people aka you were only getting onto me because I got a little pretty. Then you told me to stop projecting my insecurties onto you and that you always thought I was pretty?" she takes another drink of wine before laughing, "but you do think I'm better, right?"

[Deleted]

"Oh wow. Wow. I can't believe you're friendzoning me in my very favorite restaurant," Lucas says, faintly feeling put out by what she's said though he quickly decides not to dwell on it. Not when there's still a nearly full bottle of wine to be drunk and dessert to be ordered. As the plates are cleared away and dessert menus are fetched, he sets his glass down, mulling over how he's going to respond to the question. He takes in her face, her flushed cheeks, her permanent pout. He decides to answer honestly, since she'd done him the favor of doing so when he'd asked her a direct question earlier on. "First of all, I do want to reiterate that I wasn't 'getting onto' you, whatever that's supposed to mean. I wasn't trying to get you to talk to me because you're pretty, because I wasn't lying about that either, you've always been pretty in my eyes." He leans forward and lowers his voice again. "But yeah. There's a difference. For what it's worth, you do it for me big time."

[Judith Haddock]

"I didn't say you didn't do it for me either. It could go either way." Dread fills her when plates begin to clear and a piece of paper is set on the table. She's feels sick over the possibility of this moment ending. This is one of those good moments, ones that are repeating in a lifetime of history and that you transport yourself back to in dreams. She knows it's one of those. As she peers over and reads tiramisu, she breathes relief. It's not the bill afterall. She listens to him and nods, that silly smirk fading from her face as she realizes that she already knows this and that she just wants the validation of hearing it. If you removed the sound of dishes chiming and conversation, you could hear her heart pounding as he moves closer. The moment flickers and she matches her face to his, her lips softly and quickly brushing against his before she leans back and widens her eyes. "This lives in Boston only."

[Deleted]

Somewhere deep in the back of his mind, he's thinking about what's going to happen after this. If he were to think rationally about it he would be thinking about Airbnbs, or texting his friends to see if anyone would let them crash. But he's not thinking rationally and his mind is drifting to a rundown motel around the corner, to the mental image of the clothes she's wearing in a crumpled heap on the floor. It's a novel experience to be thinking of Judith like this, his fantasies previously stretching as far as her replying to his texts. He's watching her face as she absorbs what he's said, looking for a reaction. He gets one, her lips brushing against his all too briefly. Breaking out into a smile, he takes a second to really absorb what just happened, committing it to memory. Eventually he refills their glasses, nodding along to her demand. "Sure. Good thing I live in Boston." He grins at her, wishing they didn't have the table between them. "Do you want dessert?"

[Judith Haddock]

Her cheeks burn red. Maybe it's the wine, maybe it's the fact that she's kissed her best friend and it wasn't just at the fake wedding their parents threw them when they were three. She's relived when he settles back down in his chair, composing himself calmly while she put her hands over her eyes with embarrassment. She sighs heavily, generously sipping her refilled glass and raising a brow at him, "do you live in Boston? The boxes in the back of your car say otherwise??" He asks if she wants dessert and she looks back up at him with her heart beating fast. Judith folds her arms and pinches herself, "stop smiling!" She reaches across the table to pull the menu closer, but can between drunk goggles and love goggles, it looks like a totally different language. "Yes? Yes. But you choose. You are the pro."

[Deleted]

He can feel her mortification and he offers her a proper smile, trying to reassure her. As a general rule he was surprisingly confident around women, knowing that whilst he saw himself as very average, there was something about him that a certain demographic of women found appealing. It also helped that he'd dated the hottest girl in school, an act that would imbue anyone with a lifelong sense of ease in dealing with the opposite sex. But it was so different with Judith, so chaste that he felt young again, able to be genuinely thrilled by a kiss so fleeting you could blink and miss it. "If my car's in Boston and it's full of all my worldly possessions, isn't that kind of like still living here?" He can't help but keep on smiling, amused by her bashfulness. "You're really, really cute, you know that? Have you never kissed a boy before?" Drunkeness makes it easier to feign casualness, though his heart is still thumping hard in his chest. He turns his attention to the server, ordering panna cotta, orange polenta cake and two affogatos. "Hey," he says after he's left, reaching his hand out to take hers and give it a squeeze. "I'm really happy right now."

[Judith Haddock]

I was never sure if you actually liked me, were parting words from her ex-boyfriend. A man so boring, he could have had a dozen sleep stories on Calm. Judith didn't like him, but she spent a long time trying to convince herself otherwise. She seriously disliked most men that the dating world had to offer. Boring, unfeeling, iron-pumping snoozefests. She felt fully on display in front of someone she actually liked. "You don't live here, you live up the road," the awkwardness fades quicker with wine and a smile tugs on the corners of her lips. "No," she winces, "you're my first." She hasn't any idea where she's going to find room for dessert in her stomach when it's full of garlic bread and ravioli. She takes his hand and studies it for time lost, running her index finger through the valleys of his handprint. "I know," she taps a faint scar on his knuckle, "I'm totally geeking out." She bites her lip and laughs, "in a good way, I think. I really missed knowing you and I really have always loved you. Even when I plotted your murder out, it was with steadfast passion and love."

[Deleted]

Jude's finger brushing against his hand is enough to make him crave more physical contact with her. He wants to hold her hand as they walk down the street, he wants to push her against a wall and kiss her properly. But he also doesn't want to break the magic of what's happening right here, right now, scared that taking a step outside into the real world would make their resolve crumble and cause her to regret kissing him, maybe even regret agreeing to hang out with him at all. "Don't worry, I'll be gentle with you," he says, feigning seriousness. Whilst she had been forced to live with three years of he and Emmy canoodling in the school hallway and all through every dance, Luke had never seen her so much as flirt with a guy, something he wanted to maintain as being the reality even when she was off in New York. "Mutual, though I never wanted to kill you, obviously. I swiped right on as many lookalikes as I could find over the years, but that only made me all the more sad."

[Judith Haddock]

She wants to live in this moment forever. This soft moment, where everything felt so natural and easy. Her hand light in his and the smell of spice heavy in the air. This couldn't exist anywhere else and as quickly as it came, she wasn't so sure how quickly it would leave. It wasn't as though they were taboo. They lived in an environment that was nurtured their togetherness, that arranged for it. The tray of dessert breaks her thought. "As if we can afford this on our salary," she says, taking the tiniest forkful. This had to have cost a while paycheck. She looks surprised at him. Thinking herself the total opposite of the woman of the women he ended up with. Judith was pretty, but lanky and dressed a size bigger than her frame. Emma had been hot and curvy. "Weird how you ended up elsewhere," her fingers trace his gently. "I never looked for you anywhere. I really thought it was hormones and that deleting you from everything would help. But you're actually very insistent. You kept popping up. Like I think it's stupid, because I don't paint people. But every so often I'd stand back and you would be on the canvas. Not really you, but very much you."

[Deleted]

There had been times when he had thought he was crazy. His tendency to romanticize things made him wonder if his continuing interest in her even after they hadn't spoken for close to a decade was all in his head, and for sure it partially was. Unhappiness in his current relationships made the grass seem greener, even when he hadn't so much as glimpsed the grass for years. Their parents had rooted for their love since before they were born, and in that way they were consequently destined for each other, considered by most people they grew up with to be property of one another. He looks at her like she's crazy. "Obviously I'm paying for this," he says, taking a big spoonful of panna cotta, the silky sweetness slipping easily down his throat. Watching her, taking note of every mannerism, he knows that it wasn't just their parents rooting for them that made him long for her. She understood him, she was him, but still different enough for them to balance out. What she says makes a warmth spread through him, spreading to his skin and making it feel tingly. But he smiles his lopsided smile, taking another bite. "You know why that is?" he points the spoon at her as he talks, "that's because I'm a very average guy. Easy to see me anywhere and everywhere."

[Judith Haddock]

One of Huey's favourite stories was when, at the ripe age of four, Judith swore herself to Lucas. You've always loved him, he would tell her often. And she would usually roll her eyes and act annoyed, muttering at him to quit dreaming. Childhood is so pure and naive, it doesn't take long for influence to pour in and take handle on the things you once loved. When she started kindergarten, boys had cooties. Soon there after, her favourite lunch of a Nutella sandwich had also become unpopular and gross. She watches him with her chin on her palm and her big dark doe eyes. "Deep pockets," Judith takes another small bite. She's actually so stuffed her jeans had tightened, but she can't let this go to waste. "Oh, completely average," she brushes him off with ane eye roll. Luke with his silky curls, sleepy eyes and sharp jawline. She was sure that when people dreamed of angels, his face is what manifested. "We can't drive," she notes the obvious and takes a sip of wine, "do you think we can stay in Rebecca's guest room?"

[Deleted]

Luke was a big believer in alternate realities. There was the obvious one where he hadn't dated Emmy, sure, but there were a myriad of others he had considered; ones where he was gay, or she was gay, ones where he was a lot more stupid and she took him under her wing platonically, coaching him through the basics in math and English... ones where he'd died in childbirth, ones where she dated Will Henderson and left him alone. For the first time he feels like there's the faint possibility that they're in the most straightforward version of reality, where they really were born to be two halves of one whole, just as their parents had dreamt. He's fishing for compliments and it feels great to get an indirect one, the sincerity of her sarcasm making him feel better about himself than he had in years. "Oh I can totally drive," he says, taking another glug of wine for dramatic effect. It's one he chokes on, laughter spilling out of him as he spills wine onto the white tablecloth. "She'd love to have us, I think she was really upset about us leaving so soon." He pauses for a moment, knowing he needs to address the elephant in the room but not sure how. "What do you want to do? It's my fault we're here, I can book us into a hotel, or get an Airbnb. If you really want to get home I'm sure my dad will come pick us up, I'll just tell him I'm too drunk to drive."

[Judith Haddock]

Judith breaks into laughter with him and wheezes into her wine glass. If she lifted her eyes from him, she'd notice all heads in the restaurant were turned to them. Some annoyed and some curious, as the two drunk twenty-somethings covered spilled wine with laughter and napkins. She pushes her long hair behind her ears awkwardly and grins up at him, "I can't believe she had everything packed. You must have been such an eye sore for her." Eyes widen at the thought of Don driving two hours to pick them up. She can imagine the two of them crammed into the back of his car, exchanging looks and barely keeping their hands to themselves. Don would do it, but she thinks he'd be annoyed. "He would be pissed," she grins and shakes her head. "I don't trust Airbnbs at this time of booking to not have like.. that guy from Texas Chainsaw. Like it's just scraps at this point?? Hotel. I'll pay, but I'm budgeting."