. poetic license

[sylvia constantinou]

S Y L No. And I'll cry at dinner if I get a whiff of you being disappointed. You drive a hard bargain but I can agree to that. I was actually thinking I'd stay in this place, I did the math and I can just about afford it.

[jack kearney]

Jack You'll do a great job, I trust your judgment. But let me pack. You've always talked about how much you love it. Do you think it'll feel too strange without Sara?

[sylvia constantinou]

S Y L Deal. And you're 1000% sure you don't want me to invite your friends and family and make it a completely shocking surprise party? Everything is going to feel strange without her. Who's going to come and talk to me while I shave my legs? At least this way I don't have to adjust to a whole new place.

[jack kearney]

Jack No, that was all for you! And I'm still recovering. Thirty-one calls for quiet and quaint. She's not going far. I'll come watch since you always watch me shave my face. If anything you can spread out, put up those pieces you've been collecting.

[sylvia constantinou]

S Y L I'm going to be looking so hard for any signs of disappointment, even the teeniest. But I like gossiping about you when I shave my legs, how can I do that to you? We'll see, maybe they'll break up and I'll have been worrying about nothing. Maybe the bailing movers is a sign!

[jack kearney]

Jack You won't find any. I'm already very excited. Pretend it's a bathtub solo podcast, I'll be your producer. Well let's not hope for a breakup, she hasn't even left yet.

[sylvia constantinou]

S Y L You're so cute. 💗 Well that makes me sound terrible. I hope she's met the perfect woman, all I'm saying is, if she hasn't and she happens to split up with her after getting her hopes up, as she so often has done, then that would be very convenient for me personally.

[jack kearney]

Jack Hope, expect, prepare for, etc. This is a big step for her and a big change for you too, I know. You two are like an old married couple.

[sylvia constantinou]

S Y L I feel like those conjoined twins who share a brain.

[jack kearney]

Jack I know, you two wanted to end up like Charlie Bucket's grandparents.

[sylvia constantinou]

S Y L And here I am, stuck with the most handsome, sweet and attentive guy instead. 😔🔫

[jack kearney]

Jack I can't fill Sara's shoes. It's an end of an era, bittersweet. What do you think would help, a sendoff party or last girl's night?

[sylvia constantinou]

S Y L No either of those would make it too real, I want to pretend it isn't happening. Starting... now. I look like a librarian in that photo, btw. Like a porno librarian, maybe.

[jack kearney]

Jack You think? It looks like I've just cracked myself up with a dad joke and you can't believe you let me outside again.

[sylvia constantinou]

S Y L I just spent 30 seconds searching: