. homecoming

[teddi st. james]

Teddi sat with her knees drawn to her chest, the dark iron of the fire escape pressing against the backs of her legs. It was unseasonably warm in New York, and while in the winter she preferred to smoke her cigarettes leaning out the window, today she didn't mind lingering outside in the sunshine. She thought briefly of the piece unfinished on her hard drive, the shiny new laptop that sat at the counter one of the material objects she'd brought from her former life. A plane to Laguardia flew over head, and Teddi looked up into the sun, sounds from the bodega across the street and the traffic meeting her up on the sixth story. Queens, charming in its own right, had initially taken a while to to adjust to. Now it was rare she missed the penthouse at all. The buzzer to the door down stairs rang inside her apartment, and the young woman unfolded herself from where she was sitting and straddled the window ledge to go back inside. Her cigarette dropped to the street below where it sizzled on impact and died. She pressed the intercom to let the visitor in, unsure of who it might have been, though at five minutes to eight, she could have made an educated guess. Nick, more punctual. August, less so. She shut her laptop, and put her coffee cup in the sink, unwilling to share what she'd been writing with either of them. She was self-conscious, still, of their opinion of her, as if she was some phony in their world, forced out by a tantrum. She went to the door, and left it ajar. "Hey," she said, "how was the trip over?" ......................... notes: lol tagged: @nick august de witte music: nada bc i'm in the office pretending 2 be sofia jamora

[Deleted]

Though he would be loath to admit it, skipping his personal training session had left Nick with a certain amount of anxiety. The sensation that something was slipping away from him was immense, as if he could feel the muscle wasting away under his skin. Already he was worried about the impact this lack of physical exertion would have on his sleep schedule, as if he was in possession of one to disrupt. Still, arbitrary and voiding on insane though his concerns were, it was this neurosis that drove him to jogging the not inconsiderable distance to Theodora's apartment. Arduous though this exercise was not, when he arrived at the building a thin sheen of sweat coated his skin. It was a clean sweat, fresh and cooling in the surprisingly mild New York air, but he was suddenly aware of the rather overwhelming scent of the deodorant he had doused himself in before leaving. Axe Africa. So iconic, so very high school boy. He made a mental note to upgrade the choice, preferring not to smell like a locker room now that he was at the ripe old age of twenty-five. Jogging on the spot as he waited for a response, he finally gave up on the feeble attempt at fitness as a tinny buzz emitted from the entrance It was only now that a sort of nervousness hit him, the fact that Teddi hadn't said what this was about occurring to him only as he ascended the steps to her apartment door. Of course it would have something to do with Corrine. Maybe she was there? No, impossible, they'd Facetimed mere moments before he left. In any case, any lingering doubt he'd had was soon cleared up when Teddi answered the door, apparently quite alone. "Sweaty," Nick said, wandering in and closing the door behind him. He was about to walk over to the kitchen - well, kitchenette - to help himself to a glass of water, but suddenly he felt like that would be invasive, that their former ease with each other was much too disrupted for such a liberty. "Is it cool if I get myself some water? Stupidly didn't bring a bottle." ......................... notes: i can't write                music: philip glass

[teddi st. james]

Her hunch had been right, confirmed by the depth of voice as she bent to pick up the fallen dish towel that was usually looped over the small oven door. The apartment didn't have a dishwasher, and the appliances were smaller and narrower than she was once used to, but there was a sense of pride she felt knowing that she had cemented herself there without help from anyone -- except Nick. She replaced the mug in one of the cupboards once it was dry, and after a moment of keeping her back to him, Teddi turned to look him up at down, noting that he was definitely sweaty. Did her eyes linger too long? She wasn't sure. Stepping out of the area that was devoted to the kitchen, she went to one of the windows and wedged it open. "Of course, help yourself. You know where everything is." The breeze was dead, and the direct sun made pieces of the apartment unbearable. "Sorry, no central air." She raked a hand through her hair and rested her rear in the open window as though it was a proper chair. "Are you mad at me?" In some ways, she knew the answer to this, but control was ultimately something she could never give up. She was bossy, and up-tight, but needed to be validated. The hiccup the four of them found themselves in did not fit into the box she'd built for their friendship. Demanding that he cancel his workout put her mind at ease -- for even if it inconvenienced him, she found herself once again at the helm, social directing her way back to normalcy. She watched him as he moved about the kitchen, but then wondered what sorts of inappropriate things she'd said to him over the past six months, unknowing of Corinne, and her cheeks flushed. Maybe he had been right -- going back to what they were might not be that easy. ......................... notes: barf music: barf

[Deleted]

Suspecting the answer would be a yes, he's already opening the relevant cupboard as she speaks, retrieving a glass from the mismatched jumble on offer. It was a very typical twenty-something New Yorker's apartment, cramped and eclectic in its furnishings, though the odd relic from her old life had slipped in amongst the mundanity. The flash of red on the soles of a pair of heels, a leather-bound book that was actually a first edition of some great master. Nick knew this place as well as he knew his own, which wasn't surprising given that he had helped her move in, had been the stereotypical male friend and helped her to put up shelves and build flatpack furniture. Strange to feel any discomfort here. He grinned as she opened the window, one hand holding the glass under the faucet, the other pulling at the front of his vest to fan himself. "Do I smell that bad?" he asked, turning the water off and tipping the glass back, draining it in one. "That's what I'm talking about," he murmured, feeling a need to fill the awkward air between them with vapid speech.  The question catches him unawares and he looks at her quizzically. "Why would I be mad at you? I thought you were mad at me." He pretends he hasn't flipped at her multiple times mere hours before, instead busying himself getting another glass of water. Usually he loved the forced closeness of her place, the fact that from the sink he could practically feel the heat radiating off her body, merely a foot away as it was. Now it seemed unnecessarily tense. His throat felt dry despite the water. "I'm only mad at you for making me miss leg day," he joked, finally forcing his dark eyes to meet her bright ones. Frustration at their stiltedness rose up within him and he decided to cast it off, closing the limited space between them and holding his arms open. "C'mere, give me a nice, big, sweaty hug." ......................... notes: poop        music: philip glass

[teddi st. james]

There were instances with Nick where Teddi was often thrust into the realization that she found him attractive, and the scene of him tipping back his glass to drink out of was one of them. Hyper-aware of him now that things were awkward and strained, she did not mind his blathering, as she was rendered less quick than she would have been with easy banter. She whole-heartedly believed that men and women could be friends, and that their group was proof, but she often denied that on more than one occasion, she'd thought something about the boys that did not fall in the column of friendship. Nick especially, had always been easy, whatever tension between them had been dissolved after a seven minutes in heaven that ended with Corinne in tears. She'd learned that lesson the first time, and never wanted to go back there. Teddi told herself she felt nothing for him, and so she didn't. "No. You're fine." When confusion cracked across Nick's face, Teddi felt relief. He was one of few that was capable of knocking her off her pedestal. "It's pretty hard to stay mad at you. Someone needs to open my pickle jars. And read my writing. And put up with my bitching." Teddi grinned, and rolled her eyes, happy to close the distance between them. She shot a look down at his legs, as if she expected for them to look thinner than usual, and then stood and flopped her arms atop his shoulders despite the heat. His cheek was warm and sticky, but she pressed a kiss to it anyway. "Now that I know you still love me, you can't get mad about what I'm about to tell you. I invited August over too, surprise!" She pulled back, and looked up at him, but didn't let it go, using the hug to protect against his annoyance. ......................... notes: barf music: barf

[august de witte]

The weight of his backpack pulls heavily on his shoulders and he hunches forward with the stroke of the wind that climbs his pack. August De Witte has landed himself in far too many places this evening. After Dora gave him a deadline of eight o'clock, he dutied himself with an act of rebellion. First landing at a coffee shop and filling his stomach with an espresso. Then at a bookstore to pick up a few novels from the five dollar bin. Then at a grocery store to pick up a six pack of Stella. And finally finishing his vengeance at a donut shop. It's turns out to be eight o'clock by the time he gets to her place, so he settles on one final act of rebellion by sitting down on the stairs outside her apartment and taking a bite of each donut he planned to share. He sits on those concrete steps in a state of dishevelment. His hair once combed back, is now falling to the side of his face. The corners of his lips have leftover chocolate donut on them, and after a stare from a stranger he wipes his face with the back of his hand. August glances at the glaring blue screen of his phone, watching as the minutes slowly and painfully creep by. When the clock hits the quarter mark, he uses the railing to pull himself up. Obviously ignoring the elevator, he chooses to sluggishly move up the stairs. His feet moving sloth-like up each stair as if he's wearing iron shoes. The faux-brunette headed boy welcomes himself into the apartment without knocking, his first sight being an embrace shared between Nick and Theodora. He looks a bit boredly and kicks his shoes off before giving them a hefty radius of room as he sets the donuts on the counter. From there he proceeds to land himself on the sofa and open up a beer. ......................... notes: legit shit music: tame impala

[Deleted]

Not expecting her to actually go near his sticky frame, Nick is pleasantly surprised when he finds her arms draped around his neck, the familiar scent of her perfume intermingling with his aggressively boyish deodorant. Whilst it was often easy to claim that years of purely platonic friendship had led to all primal drive between them having fallen away, and often easy to believe himself, now that he was free from the absolute tyranny of teenage levels of testosterone, this was not one of those times. In contrast to how he would awkwardly half-hug a female cousin, for example, Nick's hands fell naturally to the dip of her minute waist, his large hands settling a half inch lower than they probably should. The skin on his arms was prickled with goosebumps and he was overcome with a desire to pull her in against him properly, to dip his forehead to sit against hers. This was how it had been in all those years ago in that closet, but now he couldn't feign ignorance when it came to the consequence of acting on his desires. So he didn't, instead keeping her at a reasonable distance, even with the questionable hand placement. The relief that was starting to trickle through him at this return to normalcy is cut off by a flood of dread. He'd forgotten that he had been lured here under the pretence of an emergency. Before he can muster up any irritation at the ploy the door opens, and sure enough, there is the dishevelled form of his housemate and former best friend. Again, it's strange how foreign this seems. How could he be surprised by the sight of the person he lived with? Jumping apart from Teddi, he ran a hand through his hair, now conscious that it wasn't its usual bouffant. There's a faint flush of pink in his cheeks and he runs a hand down his face, finally hitting the mental reset button. Act normal. "So you were lured here too?" he says, not looking at Teddi. Instead he heads over and helps himself to a doughnut, smiling inwardly at the bite that's already been taken. Classic. Unperturbed, he finishes it off in about three bites, ignoring the niggling voice at the back of his head that's tallying this up with the fact he skipped the gym. Leaning against the counter, he dusts the sugar off his fingertips. "Alright St. James, you got your wish. Hold court." ......................... notes: still poop        music: still philip glass

[teddi st. james]

The words were no sooner out of her mouth that August is through the door, and a pang of guilt shoots through her at the memory of their conversation earlier. She had promised him, more than once, that her feelings for Nick were platonic, familial at best. As he came through the door and barely looked at them, she wondered what he might be thinking to find them there like that, or if he even cared at all. She stared at the back of his head as she sat on the couch, and heard the hiss and pop of his beer as he opened it. Nick took a donut and she watched him eat it, and wondered how things might be different if the lot of them weren't friends any longer. Her arms curled over her chest, and she cocked a hip, her look stormy on August as he sat disinterested. "Hello to you too, Augustus." Teddi walked over to the box of donuts, and bent over to inspect what was inside, less entertained by the bite taken out of every one of them as Nick had been. "This is disgusting." She reached into the box and pulled one out, waving it under August's nose before breaking it in half and eating off the piece his mouth hadn't touched. "Alright," she said, "I have a feeling one of you is going to need more convincing than the other, but we can't go on like this." She stepped around August's legs, and settled into the seat beside him. "Shit can't get weird, it's stupid." Teddi bit down on the donut, and looked at August out of the corner of her eye. She knew better than to try to hug it out, or to be close with him -- apologies for him were better received via internet meme or strange present. Despite Nick's ability to argue, August was the harder of the two to read. He also didn't forgive as easily. ......................... notes: barf music: barf

[august de witte]

“Smells like douchebag in here,” he mutters, using a bottle opener on his keychain to open up the bottle of beer. He glances over at the pair, catching the awkward on his old friend's face. He hesitated to roll his eyes, not wanting to give off the idea that he cared too much about being a third wheel yet again. Things change with age, and he was coming more aware of the fact each year. Slowly he tipped the golden liquid into his mouth and reached back into his backpack for his laptop. His legs kicked up on the couch and he powered up the machine on his lap, his screen lighting up with the alien logo of Reddit. As Teddi wedges herself beside him, he practically glares up from behind his screen. His fingers busy themselves on the keyboard, touchpad finding the brower and punching in a random Wordpress account that he proceeds to edit. “I was thinking about it earlier, and I thought..” he lifts a finger under his child thoughtfully, “Utah. Pologamy exists in Utah. Maybe you three should move there, and fuck happily ever after.” Annoyed, he swings his beer back again, shuts the laptop, throws it into his bag and lifts himself off the couch to leave. Swinging the backpack over his shoulders, he makes his way back to the front door to slip on his sneakers. “If you didn't catch that, that's a no on the friendship front. Pretty bored of walking into sexual tension, to be honest.” ......................... notes: legit shit music: tame impala

[Deleted]

Briefly Nick feels a pang of guilt at the three of them being here like this, given that it was his relationship with Corinne that was proving a sore point and she was not here to defend her corner. But quickly he realizes that this is probably for the best-- had she been there he'd have been reluctant to talk about things, not wanting to say something that would be soothing to the group but devastating to the blonde, or vice versa. Plus this was his mess, he had been the one to suppress the truth and also the one to clumsily spill it, so he owed it to his friend to try and make things as normal as possible for her when she returned. His eyes follow Teddi as she inspects the doughnuts, a look of disdain crossing her exaggerated features. So far, so normal. That is, except for August's evasiveness. Usually he'd have been able to exchange a bemused look with him at Teddi's reaction, or at the very least he'd have been offered a beer. A dull ache settled in his chest as he silently willed August to forgive him. Then he talks and the pain that had been dull turns sharp. If there was one thing that had plagued Nick's life, it was his inability to fully realize the consequences of his actions. As he got older he had managed to think about things from the perspective of himself and the relevant party, but what he still struggled to factor in was the ripple effect, the way smaller consequences reverberated out of the bigger ones. August was a case in point. Plagued with guilt over the magnetic pull he felt towards Teddi and the bipolar way he felt about Corinne, he simply forgot to factor in how all of this was received by and impacted upon August, and the guilt of that hit him as hard as anything else. Contrary to how it seemed, being torn between them all was Nick's idea of hell, but it was a trap he couldn't help falling into time and time again. "Cut that shit out," he said, trying to sound blase but his tone sounding as wounded as he was. August is pulling on his shoes and the action sends a jolt of panic through Nick. Closing the distance between them, he stood in front of the door, his bulky frame making it easy for him to play bouncer. "Don't go. Aug, please. Just... just try to understand, I never wanted anyone to get hurt." ......................... notes: still poop        music: still philip glass

[august de witte]

Being the youngest and most different out of a family of five boys, August had learned to not forgive so quickly and to hold a fighting grudge. A usually chipper and sarcastically-playful character, this was one of those moments that reflected his childhood of fight over flight so well. Upon entering room full of tension, he found himself becoming increasingly defensive in the situation. He could recall a moment where Abel shot him in the eye with a Nerf gun and apologized profusely despite aiming the gun right at August's eye. He was bitter and reacted with anger, adding fuel to the fire by punching his twin in the face. “Fuck off,” his words were sharp, as Nick morphed into the giant lab-dog that he was beneath six foot of muscle. He takes a last sip of beer, looking down at the empty bottle and cocking his head a bit, that went quickly. He sets the bottle on the counter and turns to leave, but his exit is blocked. “Move, you fucking ape,” as his friend pleads, August finds himself not-effected. Stony as ever, he stands a little taller than when he arrived. “My feelings aren't hurt, but if you don't move I will punch you in the fucking face.” Khan has a couple of inches on August, and is likely fifty pounds heavier in muscle. But he feels confident that if he were to punch Nick, Nick wouldn't dare hit back. “Jesus Christ, what do you want me to say? Awh, it's alright, buddy,” he reaches out to pat his arm, “I forgive you! Do you want a donut? Do you want a beer? Do you want me to go down on you too?” ......................... notes: spazzy august music: tame impala

[teddi st. james]

The glare August shoots Teddi on the couch isn't lost on her, and for a moment she believes she deserves it. She internalizes his rage and swallows it down with her donut and the few bites of it that were left. Nick is forgotten to her in the background, and she focuses on the man sitting in the couch beside her. There was always a distance between them, a distance she had assumed he had with everyone, but she wondered then if that was the case, or if he ever cracked himself open for Nick to see, and if they had their own version of the talks she had with Corinne. She then realized that their friendship, as much as she thought it was impermeable, unbreakable, was not. He did everything he could to put physical barriers between them, not only the laptop but then the movement he made to the door. "You're an idiot, August De Witte." She sits on the couch, her body language bore open to the two men at the door. "You have no idea what you're talking about." She has half in mind to get up, but recognizes the bristling of men, and decides not to get between the two of them. "Tell him, Nick." Her eyes plead with the dark-haired man in front of the door with a genuine earnest. "Tell him that there's absolutely nothing between us." Teddi stands up out of her seat and pads barefoot to the door. She touches August's wrist. "Just sit down and hear him out. If you want to be mad about his sexual tension with anyone be mad about Corinne. But the three of us in this room are just friends." As she said it, and she would never admit it, there was a pang of guilt inside of her that knew it didn't ring true, though as she looked at the pair of them, she couldn't quite discern which was the lie and which was the truth. ......................... notes: barf music: barf

[august de witte]

His fingers are numb and his backpack feels heavy than it did ten minutes prior to this moment. He's running his cold, chilled fingers through his hair and the strands disobey his touch by falling back into his face. August feels cold. His jaw is clenched tightly and his brow is stitched into a frown. He struggles to shake the anger off, despite the pleads Nick gives. In fact, it just makes him angrier. August feels as though he's being used and his entire being is ignored, absent in the thunder of the three of them. Corinne, Theodora and then Nick, as it always had been. The three of them, then there was him. What felt like a bit of an outsider. As their lives carried forward with each other and he just sort of watched, and offered commentary in certain situations. Dora's soft reassurance ticks him off even more. “Oh, fuck off, Theodora,” his tone now sharp towards her, his gaze cutting as it sets on her. “Fuck off,” he repeats when she makes physical contact, he pushes her touch away from him. “Do you think I'm stupid? Or blind? Quit patronizing me. We're not friends, you're not friends. You're not my fucking friends,” he adjusts the pack on his back and shakes his head. “Really, you must think I'm dumb.. socially retarded, or something like that. You both make me sick. Now move.” ......................... notes: ew music: black mirror

[Deleted]

Exasperation sets in and Nick inwardly wills himself not to lose his temper. It all felt extremely unfair to the man, who felt he hadn't done anything but be led around by the various members of the group. Corinne had ground him down and finally got him to relent and see her in the romantic light she had been seeing him in for all these years- a change in heart that Teddi had vocally been rooting for. Teddi herself was about as hot and cold with him as a human being could possibly be, but it went unremarked upon because despite his frustrations, he didn't want to say something and risk ruining their relationship and therefore the group. As far as he was concerned everything he did was for the group, and to have August, the one person he felt knew him so well, think of him as this manipulative fuckboy who only thought with his dick, well, that stung. He frowns his way through all his friend's offers of beer and blowjobs, not taking the opportunity to make a joke that he would have found irresistible at any other time. Better to keep quiet and hope he ran out of steam. He tilts an eyebrow at the threat of being punched. "Go on then." Teddi cuts in, pleading with him to say there's nothing going on between them and this too encourages a flicker of annoyance. There's that cold front. There's a split second where he looks at her with mild irritation, and he knows that microexpression won't have been lost on August so he says nothing still, not denying or confirming. Sure enough August calls them on it, and for once he can see that he sort of has a point. Finally August's instance that they're not friends elicits a heavy sigh, Nick again running a hand through his hair as a nervous tic. "No offence, but you're being really retarded." Probably not the best angle. He sighed again, struggling to find the right words. "What I mean is, you're acting a lot stupider than you are. Yes, sometimes I realize Teddi's a pretty girl and I'd make a move on her if she was a stranger for sure. But to make out like there's this grand Romeo and Juliet story of a relationship that cannot be is a fucking joke. Don't you remember how insufferable I was in high school, when I really was pining after her? Don't you think that, in light of recent events, if I really wanted to fuck her I wouldn't just do it? I don't want to fuck her, August, not really. I want to fuck her in the asme way I'd fuck Margot," their elderly landlord, and not a catch, "when I'm horny. Stop reading so much into it."  ......................... notes: wow nick the dick music: silence

[teddi st. james]

August had the ability to be childish, perhaps even more so than Nick on an occasion. While Nick had a flare for tantrums, it was generally when he was at the end of his rope, where as Teddi was never quite sure what would set August into a tail spin of sarcasm, especially lately. She could not fathom why he was so angry at the thought of Corinne and Nick together, and insecurity instantly caused her mind to jump to the only conclusion she could wrestle: that he felt something for Corinne that he wasn't letting on. This was her one and only guess, and the more he reacted to this situation, the more it cemented and actualized in her mind. At first, she'd felt bad for him finding them there, for walking in on what would appear sexualized, but now she was nothing but annoyed, and she stood with her arms folded over her chest, unwilling to be as forgiving on him as Nick was. She'd told Nick in their last conversation that she had no feelings for August, and he'd rightly called her on that lie. Though they were close to fleeting, they were there nevertheless, and her annoyance prickled as he spat at her. "I'm not fucking patronizing you. I'm asking you to not be such a short-sighted little asshole. No matter how many times I stroke your fucking ego, it's never enough. It's like you look for reasons to be pissy." Her eyes flickered up to meet Nick's, and she saw irritation reflected there, but not the kind she expected. She pushed a piece of hair behind her ear and looked away in defence. In her anger, she was not embarrassed by his words, though she would be later when she played them over. He was right. When drunk, or lonely, or horny, that was when she reverted back to suggestive conversations. To flirty messages. To half dressed snapchats. To lingering contact when he came over. But it was nothing more. She and August didn't share that because he never seemed to want to. "It's not our fault you're as self-loathing as you are. If we're not friends, that's not on us. That's on you." ......................... notes: barf x4 music: nada