hidden in plain sight

[theo lovett]

"Do you think I'm a pushover?" He's not sure what he expects her to say to his confession, he's not sure what there is to say about it. His instinct had been to bury it, but if they were going to stand any chance of making this work, he knew that buried secret would blow it all up at some point. But he's not sure he's made the right call. "I'm sorry Dolly. I didn't think I did, we've never done anything and we never will--" he turns to look at her again, tilting his head. "I just want to be honest. Because I want to do this again too."

[dolly weathers]

"Here, close your eyes,” she stands from the bath and is quick to grab a towel to cover her exposed self. Dolly tries to maintain her composure and to instill the breathing exercises of her weekly yoga class. But stiffness creeps into her body, "it's really fine, I figured as much.” She moves around him to pull the plug of the bath, "we think we do, but this is really a batshit awful idea."

[theo lovett]

Yep, definitely the wrong call. Theo stands and faces away whilst she reaches for a towel and lets the water out. "Dolly, it's not a choice, I'm not entertaining the idea of anything but friendship with her," he tries to explain, turning back to her and letting out a sigh. He follows her through the house, inwardly kicking himself for over sharing. "Don't shut down on me. I'm trying to be open, I want this to work."

[dolly weathers]

Dolly leaves the bathroom fast, practically stomping into her bedroom. "Stop. Turn around,” she waves at him as she slips on satin pajamas that cost more than the average rent. "Exactly. It's not a choice, this is a choice,” she shakes her head at him, reeling over the words he'd just said to her. "I appreciate your honesty, I really do. But it's really crazy that you think we'd restart this and you'd go climb in for a cuddle with your roommate. No. I reject this completely.”

[theo lovett]

He stops, leaning against the wall by the door to her bedroom. They had barely fought as a couple and it felt strange to now. When she continues he steps into the room, looking like a puppy who's just been shouted at for making a mess. "That's what I'm trying to say to you, I'm not gonna do that! I did it because I was lying to myself but now I'm not lying to anyone, I know it's not appropriate and I'm not gonna do it!" He's exasperated, though he agrees with her sentiment. "I'm trying to tell you it's gonna be different. Even if you've changed your mind about me, again, it's still going to be different between me and her."

[dolly weathers]

She holds her hand up to him as he speaks and repeats herself, "I reject it! Completely!” Dolly watches him drone on and on, her nose shrivels at him and she shakes her head, "Theo Lovett, I've never met anyone more of an idiot than you in this very moment.” Her tiny frame stands tall next to his. Moments ago her heart had been all in, ready to fall in love all over and restart. Now she felt lost and embarrassed, which showed itself in the form of complete irritation. "Your fucking neighbour was right. Than Ethel is a wise lady, be sure give her my thanks.”

[theo lovett]

"Fine," Theo says, holding his hands up in surrender. Did this mean that he no longer had a right to be mad at Ollie? Was he right all along? It doesn't feel that way but he can tell she'd have to insist that he was. As she does about his nosy neighbor Ethel, making him roll his eyes. "I was wrong to be touchy with my friend when I was dating you. I'm sorry about that, I really am. I didn't think it was a problem because I didn't think there was anything in it at the time. Now I think there was, and I'm sorry about that too. It's not going to happen again regardless of what happens between us, I just felt I owed you the truth. So there, that's the truth." He anticipates this going down badly. "So I'm gonna go, alright? Thanks for having me, and for not burning my clothes. Send me a bill for the dry cleaning."

[dolly weathers]

"Yes, incredibly WRONG, she interrupts him to agree outloud. Dolly stands there with her satin arms crossed and wet head nodding along with everything he's saying. She can't tell if she's overreacting or underreacting to the situation, but she feels betrayed in every way. It doesn't feel like there's much good going to come out of this. "Wait,” the words are out of her mouth before she has time to think. She takes a breathe and looks away, "you see how this doesn't work, don't you? You can't be in a friendship with someone you have feelings for and be with me. You can't stop being friends with someone because of me. None of this is fair and it doesn't work. It just doesn't.”

[theo lovett]

Frustration makes him restless, so he paces as he talks. It makes perfect sense to him but it evidently isn't helping the situation. Ellie was mad at him too, so it was safe to say that he did not play this well at all. He stops when told to, turning back and feeling a hairline crack run through his heart as she looks away from him. "Dolly, I'm not going to act on it. Ever," his voice is soft but pained, "I'm also not going to stop being friends with her, those two things go hand in hand for me. So what you're saying is I can never be with anyone, because I have a stupid crush on my friend? That, again, I'm never going to act on?" He feels hopeless. Maybe she was right, he had doomed himself to loneliness. "Fine. So be it. I'm still glad I didn't bullshit you."

[dolly weathers]

"I don't know about anyone else, Dolly speaks gently, feeling her raised voice isn't doing her any favours. "I just can't. I can't be feeling alone with everything else and then be worried about this. The idea of loneliness seaps in and somehow it seems better than they weight of anxiety and being worried about him with his roommate. "I really liked you, loved you even. But this just can't"

[theo lovett]

He doesn't expect the words that come out of his mouth to come out, but they do. "What if I didn't live with her? What if we lived together?" Closing the distance between them, he holds her gently by both arms, trying to get her to look at him. "I want to be with you. Doesn't that count for anything?"

[dolly weathers]

His warm hands on her arms help bring calmness too her. She looks at him, confused by his proposition. In the back of her head she can see the email sitting in her drafts, and the way it disappeared as she hit send to the magazine. It feels like the same kind of fire. "You love your home. You're not going to blow up your life.

[theo lovett]

"It's not what it used to be," he says, and it's an admission he's only just coming to terms with. His little ragtag group of friends had been absolutely everything to him and he had the time of his life in that apartment, but it had shifted under his feet. "Lily's busy, she'll be moving out soon to something bigger and probably taking Cleo with her. I'm pissed at my brother and he's been talking about moving anyway. It would have just been me and Ellie..." he squeezes her arms, "and that's not good for either of us."

[dolly weathers]

She looks up at him, crows feet between her eyes. "Why not you and Ellie though?" it's a question that she'd afraid to ask, but she does anyway. Him and Elyse made sense, as much as she hated to admit it. They made each other happy, they brought each other up. "You should think about this more.

[theo lovett]

"Do you really want to know?" He asks, having made the decision over the course of this conversation that perhaps honesty wasn't always the best policy. "If you want to talk about it I want a drink. Have you got any more Weathers wine? They might be shit at being supportive but I've gotta hand it to them, they make good wine."