. human error

[calvin keller]

CAL No because then someone will do too much ketamine and be convinced they need to burn it to unleash the true power of the Earth and you'll be an unfortunate, flammable casualty. I'll wear a fencing mask, no one could glean anything.

[dominic vinten cuvo]

DVC Your mind is a marvel and a terror. Your contributions to my fake funeral have been noted. What were we talking about? About how your head is going to explode any moment?

[calvin keller]

CAL We'll also hire a wedding planner to plan it. Isn't the wedding march and funeral march the same song just different chords? Yes - like a watermelon with 500 rubber bands around it. Violet'll be the last person to see me before I go, how do you feel about that?

[dominic vinten cuvo]

DVC That's fair, they are the same thing. I'm boycotting marriage as an institution until it's opened to more than two people. Great, it'll take her mind off her OD and I'll be off the hook! Thank you for your service replacing one trauma with another. I will be taking that watch before the cops arrive.

[calvin keller]

CAL You might need to move to Utah. I'll leave it to you in my will, alongside a dramatic reading of every secret I've ever been told.

[dominic vinten cuvo]

DVC Ugh, Mormons. Any good ones for me lately? We can trade.

[calvin keller]

CAL They're all probably so horny though if you think about it. Unfortunately was a little predisposed the other evening. Glean anything after I passed out?

[dominic vinten cuvo]

DVC I don't, they're barely a step above the Amish. That feels like establishing first contact. No, Violet went to take advantage of you and Kitty left. It was all a bust.

[calvin keller]

CAL Do you think we'll ever meet the aliens? Nice to see that once I'm gone, show's over. Did we ever figure out where the fuck your party actually was?

[dominic vinten cuvo]

DVC I hope so. Yes you're a terrible enabler and you should be ashamed for leading the way. Definitely not my party, I swear you invited me. I think it was political in nature, I saw one of the guys on Grindr later.

[calvin keller]

CAL Just say you missed me when I was gone. I don't even know who invited me - no wonder everyone was in suits and they had a fucking punch bowl.

[dominic vinten cuvo]

DVC When you were gone figuratively and literally. Fuck, do you think I missed my chance at joining the ticket as VP?? Either party, I'm not picky.

[calvin keller]

CAL Still upset you wanted it to be Violet instead of you. I think you can go the Jack Schlossberg route. Ride around on a skateboard, be a political descendent, do video bits and get paid by Vogue.

[dominic vinten cuvo]

DVC To witness your last moments? I wouldn't miss that for the world, Cal. And I think you know how I'd feel about your grave. Being Jewish and JFK's grandson, sheesh. Do you think he was relentlessly bullied about that, like Francis Bean has been?

[calvin keller]

CAL Saltburn really was a generational film. Nah, too many girls would put out just to share one degree of separation with Caroline. My sister has an entire pinboard dedicated to her and her alone.