patrick x stassi

[stassi siminski]

STASSI just wanna be comfy.

[pat bohannon]

PAT in that case I haven’t started the new season of love is blind yet.

[stassi siminski]

STASSI be still my beating heart. were you made in a lab?

[pat bohannon]

PAT unfortunately would have watched it with or without you, just haven’t had time. so you’re really getting your money’s worth for a Tuesday.

[stassi siminski]

STASSI i really am, my horoscope said i was in for good things today and that i should take chances. do you think you would have picked me in the pods? i don't think you would have.

[pat bohannon]

PAT you’re getting real risky with those sweatpants. honestly no, I don’t think so either. we kind of needed to meet in weird circumstances to make it make sense.

[stassi siminski]

STASSI i'm a daredevil alright. i think in the pods you'd have ended up with a girl called amber, or stacey, and she'd have won you over by telling you all about her favorite tailgating recipes. she'd also be from philly. and have that huge blowout blonde hair, though you wouldn't have known that.

[pat bohannon]

PAT And instead I’m dating an american charlie xcx. You’d have probably ended up choosing someone named Gunnar. Or Sean but spelled Shaun. He’d be a jack of all trades but somehow rival you in what places he can get into in the city. Always eating red vines and has a sick leather jacket collection. And would be that weird kind of skinny tall that works.

[stassi siminski]

STASSI you shouldn't have said that, i'm gonna talk with a british accent all night. GUNNAR? okay you're right, and you and i would have had one date in the pods where i said i hated all sport and then tried to figure out your birth chart, they'd have gotten some great reaction shots out of you.

[pat bohannon]

PAT Please don’t, it might ruin me staring at your ass in those sweatpants. First weird name that popped in my head. We’d be a TikTok meme cycle.

[stassi siminski]

STASSI then i'll just have to take them off. 365 party girl 🖤 i'd still have had a crush on you when we finally got to meet at a mixer. like how i had a crush on you from the minute i came downstairs to scream about the construction noise.

[pat bohannon]

PAT i think that’s more Guess. Yeah I think I would have not been surprised you looked like that, but would have been way more interested all of a sudden. And you sure? That stare was pretty brutal.

[stassi siminski]

STASSI a fan! mhmm. i was hungover and genuinely willing you to drop dead, but then i saw your face and decided i wanted you to live. just more quietly.

[pat bohannon]

PAT it’s very instructional. Imagine if you saw Benny first.

[stassi siminski]

STASSI unfortunately the color of my underwear is very predictable. also handsome, but it's the tache that sold it.