. big blind

[samira deol]

Samira Come on, at least say the week. Or does Aaron dating a pop star take that cake? Which one are you hoping I will hit?

[drew nickford]

Drew Definitely week and podium for the month. I'm flexible. Or tell me about him in the meantime, he's cute.

[samira deol]

Samira I hope I get a trophy. Or a medal. Ugh, I'm hitting 2. It's not an ideal time to gush.

[drew nickford]

Drew The official gossip awards, complete with the golden popcorn bucket. Have you thought about how you're going to end the engagement?

[samira deol]

Samira Oh nice, so an MTV Movie Award. As humanely as possible. Sometimes I think it is impossible that he doesn't feel like it's different too, but he has never been an emotional card player. So I don't truly know.

[drew nickford]

Drew Oof I'd get sued. Maybe a golden eyes emoji instead, it's always in my frequently used. Well you know men, they can ignore signs for years and still be shocked and confused when they're left. If you told him you weren't happy or wanted to end things, what do you think he would say?

[samira deol]

Samira What are your top three? I don't know, genuinely. I don't know if he's the therapy type, or if he'd just accept it, or if he'd be angry for not expressing it earlier. We've never really had a major fight so any kind of thing to brace for I am not entirely aware of.

[drew nickford]

Drew Besides 👀, 😏🤷🏾‍♀️ and 💋. Let’s see yours! No major fights in six years? That has to be a record. You’re right, that is tough to predict or plan for. Who knows, maybe he feels the same way or is subconsciously aware?

[samira deol]

Samira 🙄,🤔, and 🥼. My moods every day being a doctor. Go through medical school, the only thing you will fight over is the last piece of stir fry and whose exam will be graded on a bigger curve because professors love to fail everyone. We just weathered so many storms together, it's not like I do not have affection for him. It's just changed.

[drew nickford]

Drew I am doing the lord's work trying to teach Marco emojis. He can handle the basics. Of course there's love there, absolutely. You two have seen a lot together. I'm glad you're not unhappy but being not-happy must be a troubling middle. Not awful but not great, safe but could be more.

[samira deol]

Samira So the normal smiley face, essentially? Maybe the thumbs up? Yeah, sounds like you've hit the nail on the head. Toss in another person who you have feelings for and it's just an entirely new level of complicated I am still trying to figure out if I am capable of managing. So far I think I'm fairing terribly.

[drew nickford]

Drew Smile, frown, thumbs up, heart. Why are men allergic to emojis? At the end of the day your happiness is important. You can't ignore your heart being elsewhere, you'll just wonder what-if forever. Is he the real deal, you know all the important things?

[samira deol]

Samira Too many choices, they get overwhelmed. I've known him my entire life. Good, bad, worse. The gaps are when he was overseas but even then it's like I understand it anyway. I did not know this important thing though, I guess. And that's where the questions start.

[drew nickford]

Drew Too many nuanced emotions. Well you know, things like finances, career goals, kids, politics, sexual compatibility. The grown-up checklist now that we don't have to be impressed by guys having a car or job.

[samira deol]

Samira Cavemen, I swear. Build a fire and put them in front of it and they will probably be alright. I guess that is where another things goes off track. I think step one was coming up for air and realizing that I was interested in someone else, that the engagement maybe wasn't the right course. But step two doesn't necessarily mean that I think I will turn around and get engaged again tomorrow. Or even in the near future. A lot of those answers comes with dating and we have not down that wholeheartedly since we were like, 18.