. shotgun

[tara scott]

TARA Thanks for the advice. Maybe I needed to hear it, I'd rather it wasn't from you, but I know there's a lot of truth there so I'll take it. Sounds like I've got a good ten years to figure it out, wish me luck. I thought you'd learn to pull out by now.

[Deleted]

RILEY Hey, if there's one thing I know about it's fucking up, and that would be a fuck up. But look at you, so mature! I mean it, you can explain to him that Tim's his dad in all the ways that count. No idea how you'll explain that to Tim, though. Would pay to watch you try. 1 baby and 3 pregnancy scares down, still don't get it. So you pull out before you finish? Where's the fun in that?!

[tara scott]

TARA Do you know anything about cleaning up your messes? Or do you just like to leave those? I can’t imagine one good way of explaining that. As much as I’m bored out of my mind right now and would love to keep my brain busy, thinking too hard on that one will really put me on the brink of a mental breakdown so I’m done with this topic. So safe to say you never will. If I weren’t either on the pill or trying for baby #2, absolutely. It’s more fun than a baby you don’t want!

[Deleted]

RILEY You're trying for another baby?

[tara scott]

TARA I don't want to try until Theo turns two, just not preventing until then either.

[Deleted]

RILEY Even though you're married the thought of you actually fucking him makes me feel sick. He's so... Tim.

[tara scott]

TARA Don't think about it then. Remember when you almost got married and asked me to be your best man?

[Deleted]

RILEY Yeah, and then had to beg you to at least be a bridesmaid instead. It's still so weird that you refused to do that, you would have made a great best man.

[tara scott]

TARA It wasn't weird?! I was obsessed with you, I couldn't support that. I kind of wish I did now? Do you regret dating me?

[Deleted]

RILEY I've thought about this a lot and yeah, I do. Our relationship changed my life for the better, but I'd trade it if it meant we were still close and I could share in your life now. You have no idea how often I see things and go to message you about them, or how much I scroll through old pictures and texts. I miss you a lot.

[tara scott]

TARA Yea, me too. I go back and forth a lot. On one hand I miss you the same. Most days I can't wrap my head around the fact that you're not apart of my life anymore and all I know about yours is what you post on Insta, and I can't go to you when you're still the first person I want to talk to. On the other hand.. I wouldn't trade Theo for the world, and he wouldn't be him if it weren't for you. And I know me, I know I would have always sat around and wondered what would have happened if we gave things a shot. I also don't know that we would have been the same kind of best friends had you or I got married, there was always something there.. eventually no party would be ok with that, and we'd be back to where we are now, sans Theo. Was that too drunk to keep up with?

[Deleted]

RILEY No, it makes a lot of sense. Of course Theo's the deciding factor for you. For me, he kinda ruined everything... well, I ruined everything by getting you pregnant with him. I meant what I said then, I loved and will always love you, every other relationship feels like playing pretend having been with you. But I love you so much that I'm happy you're happy. I've never been able to say that and actually mean it before. I just wish we were friends.

[tara scott]

TARA Name one thing that would have been better had you not got me pregnant. Thanks. I wish I could say the same, I do, but I'm just not there yet. I'm ok if you're happy on your own, but I wouldn't be happy if you went and found it with your own little family elsewhere, if I'm being honest. Do you think us being friends would work?

[Deleted]

RILEY I don't know, it can't have been worse. Haha, well, that's pretty unlikely so you've got nothing to worry about there. No. I think it could have if it weren't for Theo, if we'd never dated and we stayed close and you had a kid with Tim and I got to be the cool uncle. I'd have loved that, eventually, once I got over the jealousy. Now it'd be impossible for us to be friends properly, not without damaging your marriage and driving me to depression.

[tara scott]

TARA It would have. It would have still ruined things for us but there wouldn't be anything good to show for it. Thank god, then I wish you personal happiness. That's easy to say now, but I don't think it would have happened like that. I'd like to think I'd have smartened up, but truth of the matter is you would have always came before Tim, or whoever it was, and eventually it would get old for whoever was in those shoes. I'd have to change that, which would in turn have changed us, or not change it.. and keep watching you and your new girlfriend of the month from the sidelines as a single mom.