. shotgun

[Deleted]

RILEY You really don't believe that I wanted to be with you properly? That I legitimately wanted you to leave Tim and be with me again? If I'd married Ella you'd have married him and you two would have been just fine, probably on your third kid by now. I get what you mean though, you've ruined every relationship I've had since. I don't think I could marry anyone now, I'd feel like a fraud.

[tara scott]

TARA No, I don’t. You had every opportunity to. Which I really don’t understand. That’s another thing I can’t wrap my head around. You were always so protective over me, and didn’t think anyone met these high standards you thought they should meet. But then it came to us, and you did all of this shit you’d never let anyone else do. You’re probably right, but I don’t think we’d still be friends either way. Maybe I’m wrong, who knows, too late to find out! You would be the worlds biggest fraud, I’d hate you more than I hate you now.

[Deleted]

RILEY Because I'm a fucking coward Tara. I don't know how to be a dad, it was something I never thought I'd do. But I wanted to with you, I wish you believed that, I just thought it was something we'd build up to after moving in together and getting married and all that shit. I just needed time, I told you that. Who's gonna marry the guy who walked out on his kid? Again, you don't need to worry about that.

[tara scott]

TARA I'm sure this is the part where I have selective memory and I'm acting like a saint, but I don't remember you asking for time. If you needed that, I'd like to think I would have given it. I felt like I was just a stop at home between trips that you wanted more and that there wasn't an end in sight. I hope not.

[Deleted]

RILEY I did. I told you I needed time to get my shit together, but I begged you not to marry him. Then you got pregnant, then you married him. I would have moved to Nashville, I was telling people that I was moving to Nashville. Go on my first Moscow post, there's comments asking what happened to Nashville!!

[tara scott]

TARA You're forgetting to mention where you're whole tune changed when I told you I was pregnant. It's not like I told you I was pregnant with his!

[Deleted]

RILEY No, I know, and I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry. I needed time to process that and instead of asking I just took it, I don't blame you for moving on with your life. Well, I did. But I don't now.

[tara scott]

TARA I forgive you. I don't know if I'll ever be over it, but I do forgive you. I can get in my feelings a lot of the time but deep down I don’t think you ever had ill intentions. And I am sorry I didn't wait, file that under my top five regrets.

[Deleted]

RILEY It's okay, it's not like it was my first time letting you down. I do wish things could be different, I spend a lot of time thinking about him and you and how things could have been if I wasn't such a fucking asshole.

[tara scott]

TARA Probably not your last either. But yea, you and I both. I know you weren’t ready, but just curious.. did you not think you’d be a good enough dad?

[Deleted]

RILEY No fucking way would I be a good dad. Did you see the state of my apartment? Do you know how much I had in the bank when you told me? $178. That’s it.

[tara scott]

TARA Oh god, that apartment. It was worse than a frat house! It used to drive me so crazy when you couldn't just throw your empty takeouts in the garbage, or your clothes in the fucking hamper. I was convinced you were allergic to cleaning up after yourself. How are you now? Money wise. Sorry if that's too personal, it's just since we're on topic I figure now is a good time to tell you to stop sending it.

[Deleted]

RILEY You’re gonna laugh when I say this, but looking back, I think I kinda suffered from low self esteem. Your place looks nice, very you. Oh, I’m alright now, still have a couple sponsorships coming through. Fuck knows what I’ll do not being able to travel though, can’t even bartend, I’m fucked. It’s fine, that’s all set up.

[tara scott]

TARA Ha! Do you really? Tell me more. Thanks, I love it. I’d drive you fucking crazy with it. I literally live on Facebook Marketplace and Craigslist, it was a bit like garbage picking at first. I’d buy anything, literally anything that I thought I could maybe make pretty. The garage was straight out of an episode of Hoarders, Harper thought I was a nut job. Now I at least know what I’m looking for. But almost everything’s done by me now, I have fun with it, they don’t make furniture like they used to anymore. I’d rather a hundred year old piece of shit brought back to life over Restoration Hardware any day. In case you care about my hobbies. Yea, we’re all fucked right now. It can’t be like this forever, but do you think that’s what you’d go back to anyway? Unset it up, please.

[Deleted]

RILEY It was never lost on me that dropping out and becoming a bartender wasn’t exactly how my life was supposed to work out. Think I aggressively tried to prove I was happy with it but my unhappiness spilled out in other ways, like being a slob. Look at you! I take it you don’t work? Just stick some paint on yard sale leftovers? Nah, I’ve started looking for places here. No, it’s happening. Think of all the mouldy furniture you can buy!